#Being insecure about my practice probably made me A Lot More Touchy about Fake Magic.

[beyondthetemples-ooc]

Is this character growth or just taking a chill pill?

tl;dr I used to despise stage magic, but now I’m kinda starting to see why people enjoy it. I don’t have to agree to understand that they’re having fun.

Somebody came into work to train us for our next project. And it turns out he’s a bit of a hobbyist magician. You know, the sleight-of-hand type. And the way he talked about it made me think. He said he likes making people smile with his tricks.

Is that what it’s about? Making people smile?

That was something I never understood, for years. What was the appeal of stage magic? It’s all fake anyways. It’s deceitful. It’s just some clever coordination and misdirection, anyone can learn how to do it sufficiently. What was so special about making a coin disappear by hiding it in your palm?

Well, basically Raven’s reaction to Mumbo. Disdainful, unimpressed. “You pulled that out of your sleeve.” “Must you always overanalyze?” Yes, yes I must.

I especially hated stage magic because people conflate the trickery of the stage with the very real forces I know. Like, I’m a practicing witch, an empath, a spiritualist, lots of weird shit goes on in my life for which “magic” is the only explanation. I’m not about to get into it here, but I begrudged stage magic for ~making a mockery~ of something that fulfilled half my life.

I couldn’t tell you exactly when that changed. Around age 20, maybe? I couldn’t tell you why, either. But gradually, over the years, certainly with help from my girlfriend’s admiration I’m sure, I came to see it not as an affront to Real Magic, but just... an entertainment venue. That’s all it is, really. It’s not telling people “I can actually turn this rose into a bird”, it’s telling people “I can delight you by tricking you into thinking that’s what you’re seeing.” And that trickery is fully consensual! People go into these shows WANTING to be dazzled and baffled and bemused! Can’t relate, but I can accept that they’re allowed to do what they want with their own time and money. I can understand that somebody might be awed by something that just makes me roll my eyes. As long as they’re not dragging me along, I’m glad they’re having fun with it.

After the shit I’ve seen, the shit I’ve experienced, a rose becoming a bird just absolutely pales in comparison. It’s not “magical” for me. It’s not a delight. Now the crowd’s wonder, the crowd’s delight, their anticipation, if I can just close my eyes and wallow in that for a little while, I can sort of “borrow” their experience! I enjoy the atmosphere, at least. I just can’t have that same reaction myself.

But that doesn’t mean it’s not great for other people, and I understand that now. I no longer begrudge those people for, like... having fun.

#rhs personal posts #digital mirrorbooking #There's also probably some Identity Stuff and Insecurity Issues that tie into it #because I was VERY defensive of my spirituality at age 14-18. Especially constantly put on the defense by religious family members. #So when you're insecure you take every little thing as a personal attack. Even when it has literally nothing to do with you. #Being insecure about my practice probably made me A Lot More Touchy about Fake Magic. #And I've grown well past that stage now. Less ''the world has it out for me personally'' and more ''let the world TRY taking this from me!'' #Confidence and loosening up and all. Maybe it comes with age. Idunno.