#Happily N'Ever After 2: Snow White—Another Bite @ the Apple

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Happily N'Ever After 2: Snow White—Another Bite @ the Apple (2009)

While I didn't enjoy this film, that doesn't mean you won't. No matter what I say, the people involved in this project did it: they actually made a movie. That's something to be applauded. With that established...

I never thought I’d see a movie that would have me looking back fondly at Happily N’Ever After but here I am, wondering if the original really was THAT bad. Yes, it was but this direct-to-DVD follow-up is even worse.

After her mother dies, Snow White (voiced by Helen Niedwick) grows up spoiled, caring only for the fame and fortune of royalty. The kingdom’s chances of a “happily ever after” ending is in danger when Mambo (Jim Sullivan) and Munk (Kirk Thornton) accidentally tip the scales of good and evil and give Lady Vain (Cindy Robinson) - who hates Snow White - the means to seduce now-widowed King Cole (Kelly Brewster) and become queen herself. Banished from the kingdom through Vain’s machinations, Snow White must learn kindness to save her home and people.

This is one of the worst-looking movies I’ve ever seen. People sometimes joke about first-generation computer imagery looking like something out of a video game but this time, no one is exaggerating. Every character is stiff, lifeless, and moves around like a cloud. The backgrounds are missing textures, objects seem misaligned, and everything is generally ugly. When characters speak, their mouths are stretched in any which direction. - You’ve seen better lip-synch from one of those rubber talking fishes hanging on the wall. It’s an eye-sore to watch and the experience is made worse by the garbage story.

You’ll notice none of the voice actors from the original film return. It's the same for the characters. Only the dwarves, the fairy godmother and both Mumbo & Munk make an appearance. Those last two add so little to the story they should’ve been cut. They weren't because this would’ve made this sequel even more tenuously tied to the 2006 Shrek wannabe and it would’ve also slashed precious minutes from the 70-minute running time. Even at barely over an hour, this feels like an eternity.

The jokes are never, ever funny, the dialogue inane and the plot lazy. The songs are so bland and forgettable you’re likely to fall asleep (if only you could). There isn’t an ounce of inspiration to be found anywhere. Happily N'Ever After 2 is inexcusably lazy and takes every shortcut possible. I can’t imagine anyone was clamoring for this sequel considering what the first one was like so this can’t even be something that was green-lit by some misguided fans. Happily N’Ever After 2 was spawned by an accountant; a bean counter who figured out the company could make X profits if they made a sequel that cost less than Y. It’s a disgrace.

If Happily N’Ever After was to Shrek what vegan spaghetti and meatballs is to regular spaghetti and meatballs, then Happily N'Ever After 2: Snow White—Another Bite @ the Apple is a collection of dog turds squeezed through some Play-Doh moulds to look like food. I can’t imagine anyone enjoying it. The ones who worked on this should be ashamed of themselves. (On DVD, March 22, 2019)

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