#Have you guys heard that old Barnes and Nobles pun? | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

betarain18-blog · 7 years

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Gabriel Iglesias: Undercover Comedian (short story)

GABRIEL IGLESIAS: "Martin!" (Martin, Gabriel's best friend, opens the front door of his house and sees him in his car) MARTIN: "Hey Gabriel! What's up?" (The two friends smile and wave at each other) GABRIEL IGLESIAS: "Dude, get over here. I've got something to tell you." MARTIN: "Okay." (So, as Martin walks closer to Gabriel's car, he gets in it) MARTIN: "So, what's up lately? What did you want to tell me?" GABRIEL IGLESIAS: "Dude. You're not gonna believe this, but remember that show incident back in Germany?" MARTIN: "Oh. I know what you're talking about it. One of the audience members were laughing like Klingons from Star Trek." GABRIEL IGLESIAS: "Exactly! And there was the guy who called me fat man!" MARTIN: "God, I hated that guy." GABRIEL IGLESIAS: "I know, but that's the thing. He's um... he's back." MARTIN: "What?! To mess with you?!" GABRIEL IGLESIAS: "Yes. My son Frankie told me an hour ago." MARTIN: "Where is he right now?" GABRIEL IGLESIAS: "Ivan told me that he would be at McDonald's, so why don't we go there?" MARTIN: "But we can't let him know that it's us." GABRIEL IGLESIAS: "You're right. He'll just recognize us." MARTIN: "We've gotta think of something." (So they began to think for ideas. Until suddenly, Gabriel got an idea after seeing a cop in disguise to stop a crime of burglary) GABRIEL IGLESIAS: "Martin, see that cop in disguise?" MARTIN: "Yeah I see him. Why?" (Gabriel grins masterfully) GABRIEL IGLESIAS: "I've got an idea." MARTIN: "Oh, I know this idea. Going undercover?" (Gabriel begins imitating a game show host) GABRIEL: "You've got it correct sir! You win a pass to join in and go undercover with me!" MARTIN: *laughs* "Alright! Let's do this! Nobody messes with Fluffy!" (And so, they begin to drive around town until they arrive to McDonald's. The disguises they had were priceless: they were dressed as two gentlemen of Britain, with the fancy ties and holding tea cups) GABRIEL IGLESIAS: "Martin, I promise you after this, we'll head to the movies to check out Kong: Skull Island. Deal?" MARTIN: "Deal. I just hope this works. But, you know what Gabriel, after many years of being your best friend, which I still am as of today, I trust you." GABRIEL IGLESIAS: "Alright. Let's do this." (They begin posturing themselves like British gentlemen, greeting the customers in McDonald's when he sees the german guy mention in his feature film The Fluffy Movie: Unity Through Laughter, and begins to walk closer but gently; Martin following) GERMAN GUY: "So then, I said to him: How dare you, you idiot?! That was my Bloody Mary cup you had you twit!" (As he and his comrades laugh, they see the disguised men) GERMAN GUY: "Hello. Have we met before?" (Gabriel Iglesias clears his throat and begins speaking in his British accent) GABRIEL IGLESIAS: "No, sir. I believe we have not met before. The name is..." (Then, he thinks for a moment but he sees a sign that says Daily Firewater, a bottle of Coca Cola, and a local Barnes & Noble. Now he can come up with a British-like name) GABRIEL IGLESIAS: "Firewater Cola Barnes III. I come from a royal family, shipped from Britain to here to see it's most beautiful surroundings. Here is my assistant Machete Von Armstrong." MARTIN: "Pip pip, boys." GERMAN GUY: "Hmmm... Your voice reminds me of that comedian. You know, Gabriel Iglesias." GABRIEL IGLESIAS: "Oh but of course. I've heard of the guy. Very funny comedian. Once told a joke about how he made some references on the football team The Raiders. He's such a comic latino." MARTIN: "Also, he's heard that he as a best friend named Martin." GABRIEL IGLESIAS: "Do you mind telling me what has happened at one of his shows?" (The german guy looks at his comrades, smirks and stands up) GERMAN GUY: "I'll gladly tell you. This one time, I called him fat man, and I laughed so hard after he finished that drinking joke..." GABRIEL IGLESIAS: "I'm sorry, you've lost me. Who are you exactly?" GERMAN GUY: "Oh. I'm Arthur Ludwig." GABRIEL IGLESIAS: "Hmmm... What did you call Gabriel exactly?" ARTHUR LUDWIG: "Uh... Fat man." (At that moment, Gabriel Iglesias and Martin took of their disguises with everyone in McDonald's watching the action) (Gabriel Iglesias slams his fist on the table) GABRIEL IGLESIAS: "What the hell is your problem?!! Huh?!" ARTHUR LUDWIG: "Oh... so it is you!" (Arthur laughs hysterically but as he escapes, he already catches him with Martin's help) ARTHUR LUDWIG: "Okay! Okay! I'm sorry I called you fat man! I won't do it again!" GABRIEL IGLESIAS: "Okay. Thanks for your time, Arthur." MARTIN: "King Arthur." (Gabriel laughs so hard because he understands the pun. He has heard of the actual King Arthur in the stories involving him, even the Disney movie Sword in The Stone. As Ludwig's comrades watched, they took him inside.) (Gabriel Iglesias get in their car, and drive to AMC Theaters, where they get their tickets for Kong: Skull Island and begin buying their popcorn, sodas and snacks) (As they entered the room the ticket had printed, they sat down in their seats) (As Gabriel saw many people coming, he saw some old friends: the Indians) GABRIEL IGLESIAS: *whispers* "Martin! Look!" MARTIN: *whispers* "What?" (He sees one of the Indians waving at them) (They wave back) (As the Indians sit next to Gabriel and Martin, the movie starts) (One of the Indians shares his Fanta with Gabriel as they sips of it) GABRIEL IGLESIAS: *quietly* "Hey Martin?" MARTIN: *quietly* "Yes, Gabriel?" GABRIEL IGLESIAS: *quietly* "Today was a fluffy day." (They all laughed) AUDIENCE: "Shh!" GABRIEL IGLESIAS: "Sorry." ~ THE END ~

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