#I do not begrudge the baby her grandfather ffs!

[likesplatterpaint]

Loving

Hating

Hoping

Faking

I've been digging through the dirt that was left behind

I've been dredging through the mud for it

There's nothing that's alive or dead inside

In you or in this

The crucifix in my hand's a lie

'Cause nothing ever kills you

I've watered down the pain 'til the well went dry

So pray for rain

And it gnawed

Rose to the top again

Back like a long-lost friend

#childhood trauma is just the gift that just keeps on giving #All parents involved: yall fucked up in different ways #whoops was vulnerable with MIL about my complicated emotions about Dad being a grandpa to a little girl and being super present #was promptly told this was called being an adult and an aunt #um. I have been the adultiest goddamn adult since I was a goddamn child #fucking ouch I didn’t need that while I’m already drowning in anxiety about testing tmr and shame over this #they’re visiting this weekend too ahahahah this woman just. did not think #I am allowed!!! to have complicated negative feelings about this!!! #I do not begrudge the baby her grandfather ffs! #I’m just furious for the little girl whose father didn’t fucking protect her until she could already protect herself goddamnit #my brand new niece deserves a present doting grandfather- but i deserved my dad and I’m allowed to be inwardly sad about that #fucking calm your leapt to defend the baby woman I know you are wildly a baby person #more reasons for me to never ever fucking pop one out