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twilights-800-cats · 3 years

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Chapter 2

For the first time in a long time, Stoneheart walked in silence.

His ears twitched. He was used to the sound of Nightpaw and Crowpaw’s latest argument, or Mistyfoot and Stormfur chatting in hushed tones, or Shadepaw talking with Feathertail about an herb she saw and what it might do. The empty air seemed to amplify everything around him, from birdsong in the trees to the roar of a Twoleg monster as it woke somewhere in the distance.

Stoneheart couldn’t help but chide himself for leaving the others so suddenly. It’s not like I don’t love them! He thought, leaping over a stray branch that had fallen long ago. I’m just no good at good-byes.

He paused, lifting his head. There was a Twoleg nest here, he knew – an old one with a pair of elderly Twolegs. They didn’t bother cats much, but they certainly didn’t like it when ShadowClan patrols snooped for mice in their old barn. He could see the structure not far away, and the thin, spindly fence that surrounded the Twolegs’ territory.

Best avoid it, he told himself. After trekking through a winding Twolegplace for days and coming back to seeing what they’d done to the land he called home, he was quite sick of Twolegs. I miss Purdy, though, he reflected as he trod on towards the woods ahead. He seemed to know so much about why Twolegs are the way they are...

Sunhigh was gone by the time that Stoneheart reached the trees, and, as he passed a familiar rotten log, he scented ShadowClan. He paused to let the smell wash over him. It's so different now. Sharper. His journey with cats from all four Clans had muddled his senses, mixing their scents together into something new, something that was surprisingly comforting.

He tried to identify the patrol that had passed this way. Breathing in deep, he was happy that he recognized both their scents: Skipnose, that kittypet-turned-warrior, and Oakfur, he thought, lifting his chin. Smokepaw might have been with them, but he didn’t place a marker. They must have passed by before dawn.

Satisfied, Stoneheart went on, quickly identifying the trail his Clanmates had used through the vibrant marsh grass and putting himself on it, wary of his Clanmates lurking about. No cat was better than ShadowClan at blending into their surroundings, and Stoneheart would certainly be embarrassed if he were ambushed.

Traveling further into the woods, Stoneheart could feel leaf-fall's chill in the air. The trees here, more oak and birch than pine, were shedding their golden leaves onto the marsh around them. Stoneheart’s paws tugged him off the beaten path and further into the grove.

His pelt prickled in this familiar location, and he let his paws guide him to a small clearing between the trees. A fallen log and an old, gnarled boulder were surrounded by bright, five-petaled orange flowers – what ShadowClan medicine cats for ages called the blazing star.

Carefully, Stoneheart picked his way around the herb. Many ShadowClan cats believed that stepping on one meant disaster, as the herb had saved all four Clans seasons beyond counting ago. It was a point of pride that they only grew here, on ShadowClan land.

Stoneheart hopped on top of the boulder, relishing what little warmth it had managed to soak up from the sun. He breathed in the scents of the grove, his body relaxing. Though he had left ThunderClan for ShadowClan, this place reminded him of where he’d been born, with the thick cover of leaves and the smells of bracken and fern.

This is where I asked Rowanclaw to be my mate, he reflected, scanning the grove. Where he told me he wanted kits... and where Mistyfoot asked me to leave ShadowClan to go on the journey.

He sighed. And it’s going to be destroyed.

Stoneheart felt claws pierce his heart at the thought. So much that was so important to him would never be, could never be, again. Would this be the last time he laid eyes on this grove? Did the lake have anything like this?

His stomach rumbled, interrupting his thoughts. He hadn’t eaten since the leftovers the journeying cats had polished off at dawn. Stoneheart recalled the way Webfoot and Weaselpaw looked, and worried – did ShadowClan look the same?

I can barely hear Twoleg monsters, but there are some on our territory, he thought, listening. It seemed like the noises were on the far end of ShadowClan land, towards the woods by the Twolegplace they called the Black Fens. Maybe we’re better off than the others.

He heard the brambles rustle behind him. Stoneheart turned and spotted a dove picking its way along the ground, oblivious to his existence, as most doves were. Stomach growling again, Stoneheart dropped into a crouch.

The kill came easily – doves were simple-minded prey. But as he lifted his head from his fresh-kill, there was a screech of defiance and a blur of fur. Stoneheart was knocked off of his paws before he could react.

“Thief!” cried his attacker. “That’s ShadowClan prey!”

Stoneheart felt claws pricking his pelt. “I am ShadowClan!” he complained, twisting beneath his foe. His hind paws found their belly and, with a push, shoved them off of him. Stoneheart could hear them scrambling to their paws, but he was faster.

“Redpaw, it’s me!” he called to the ginger she-cat.

The apprentice paused, her posture an awkward mix of anger and shock. Slowly, though, her spine relaxed. “Stoneheart?” she murmured, whiskers twitching. “Is that... really you?”

“Yes!” Stoneheart breathed, his heart lifting. She’s not so skinny as the WindClan cats, he thought, looking her over. But she is still thin. He looked into the sparse undergrowth that surrounded them. “Where’s Pansytail?”

“Right here.” Redpaw’s mentor appeared, as if Stoneheart had called her. Pansytail’s dappled pelt blended in almost perfectly with the leaves on the ground. Her green eyes regarded Stoneheart with a caution that mirrored Webfoot’s. “Hello, Stoneheart.”

Another shape padded out from the shadows. “What’s going on?” asked a young dark brown tabby tom, his eyes darting from side to side. “Is it Twolegs? Another Clan?”

“Talonpaw?” Stoneheart tipped his head. “Is that you?”

“It’s Talonstripe now,” he said, lifting his head. He didn’t seem fussed that Stoneheart had reappeared right in front of him. “Russetstar made me a warrior a quarter-moon ago!”

“Congratulations!” Stoneheart felt light as he looked over his Clanmates. Clearly, he was receiving a better welcome than poor Crowpaw had!

“Where have you been?” Redpaw asked. She stepped forward and took a cautious sniff. “You smell funny.”

Talonstripe flicked his tail. “And you look fat,” he grunted, tipping his head towards Stoneheart’s side.

Stoneheart rolled his eyes. “I haven’t been to any Twolegs, if that’s what you’re thinking.” He turned to Pansytail, who he assumed was the leader of their patrol. “I need to speak to Russetstar.”

Pansytail was not regarding him with the same curiosity as the younger cats. There was something in her eyes, but whenever Stoneheart tried to meet her gaze, she looked away. Finally, she turned about and, with a flick of her dappled tail, she ordered, “Come.”

Redpaw and Talonstripe took a position alongside him as Pansytail led the way back along the trail. Stoneheart felt a prickle of discomfort run down his spine as he picked up his dove. Was he being escorted home as a Clanmate? Or as a possible enemy?

———————————————————

The trek through the pine woods was quiet, and Stoneheart was thankful for the dove in his mouth – it kept Redpaw or Talonstripe from asking questions he couldn’t easily answer with a nod. To his delight, most of the marshes were unchanged by the Twoleg invasion, though he couldn’t help but notice that Pansytail was taking a longer route to get back to camp.

We should be cutting through the Black Fens, he thought, glancing to his right. But we’re heading up towards Carrionplace instead. The path that they were walking on wasn’t as well-worn as most other hunting trails, meaning that it was just beginning to see constant use. Straining his ears, he could hear the rumble of Twoleg monsters coming from the direction he figured that they should be going. Have they begun destroying that part of our territory?

The dove in his mouth weighed heavy as he plodded on. Though it stopped him from answering questions, it kept him from asking them, too.

Stoneheart pushed his worries out of his mind for just a moment, letting himself enjoy the feel of being home again – the way the ground squished beneath his paws, the rustle of the pines and the crackle of their needles... even the little stinky mushrooms that bloomed over the rotted old fallen trees. He had missed it all so much!

Pansytail pulled them off of their current path as soon as Carrionplace came into view. The stench of crow-food and Twoleg rubbish wasn’t overpowering yet, but Stoneheart still wrinkled his nose regardless. That’s one part of our territory I won’t miss! He thought. Carrionplace, and the nasty rats within, had always been nothing but trouble for ShadowClan – a source of food that all too often came with a deadly price.

The patrol was following a familiar trail again, this one picking its way between boggy ponds and thick bunches of sedge and swamp grass. The smells of chervil, sweet pye, and mint were strong here, and he scented Littlecloud beneath it all – this was his favorite spot for gathering herbs.

Ahead, a sedge bush rustled violently. Pansytail lifted her tail and the patrol halted behind her. Stoneheart looked over the shorter warrior, wondering what could be up ahead – another patrol, possibly? His heart ached as the anticipation of seeing his Clanmates again was stronger than he realized.

It was a rabbit, however, that shot out of the bush. It lolloped across the bog, its white tail up. If it saw the cats, it gave no indication... and if the patrol was going to go after it, Pansytail gave no signal.

Why not? Stoneheart was confused. The rabbit was plump, and easy prey in the sticky, wet soil, yet none of the cats surrounding him seemed at all interested in going after it despite the faint outline of their ribs poking through their pelts.

As soon as the rabbit was gone, Pansytail picked up the pace again. Stoneheart adjusted his grip on his dove, still confused.

“The Twolegs have poisoned the rabbits,” Talonstripe explained, glancing Stoneheart’s way. “They make cats sick to eat, and most who’ve eaten one have died.”

A weight dropped in Stoneheart’s belly, sudden and hard. No wonder the WindClan cats were so skinny! He thought, the fur along his spine prickling with horror. His mind immediately turned to Crowpaw, and how the brash apprentice might take the news. How are they surviving at all right now?

“We haven't lost anyone,” Pansytail assured, glancing back, “but the other Clans have. Thankfully they were able to warn us before we got to eating any rabbits on the fresh-kill pile.”

Stoneheart breathed a sigh of relief, but it didn’t quell the discomfort he felt at the thought of Twolegs poisoning the very prey that the Clan cats lived off of. First rabbits, what next? The dove in his mouth suddenly didn’t seem so appetizing anymore.

Soon enough, Stoneheart realized that they were closing in on the ShadowClan camp. He took in the familiar pines standing tall over an outer wall of bushes prickly enough to keep away any predator that got too curious. Stoneheart could hear the babble of the stream that ran through camp, a part of the river that tapered off into the marshes like a cat’s tail.

His heart soared. It was still there – still whole and undamaged, nestled deep in the heart of the marshland. The smell of ShadowClan surrounded him, pulling his paws onward.

I’m home.

He had to stop himself before he got too carried away. Like in the star flower grove, he had to remember that the Twoleg monsters would come chugging for this place – sooner rather than later. This place that he called home would be gone.

“Nervous?” Redpaw wondered.

Stoneheart swallowed. He couldn’t bring himself to answer, and not just because of the dove in his jaws. Redpaw looked confused that a ShadowClan cat would be so worried about returning home. She didn’t know – she didn’t understand.

He pushed past the apprentice, catching up to Pansytail as she ducked beneath the sedge-and-fern tunnel that led into the camp.

I’m home, he thought as he stepped into the clearing, but this place won’t be home for long.

#tb au #tb dawn

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staircasttext · 3 years

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Ep 08 Transcript: Twenty to Thirty Feral Cats

Episode 8

[intro music]

PAZ: Hi everyone. Welcome back again to Stairway to StarClan, a Warrior Cats reread pawdcast. I'm Paz.

JULIAN: I'm Julian.

LIZ: And I'm Liz.

PAZ: And I did almost forget the name of our podcast in the middle of saying that. So off to a strong start. Yeah, we are here today starting Fire and Ice, the second book in-- I guess it's just called the... I've also forgotten what the first books--

JULIAN: I think it's The Prophecy Begins is the name of the series.

PAZ: That is. I have my old version so I don't think it even says that. I mean, I guess I should say this is the book at which I have never read past for The Prophecy Begins, so this is uncharted territory for me in terms of details of what happens, beyond just like broad plot points. So that's exciting.

JULIAN: Yeah, we're also getting into the-- like, I read all these books multiple times, but I don't remember what happens in which book, so.

PAZ: Yeah, like some of the major plot points I know that do come up, I've been trying to figure out like what book I think that happens in. I'm like, I have no fucking clue. I don't really even know-- well, I know it's in this book but I don't know if that will just be the whole book. Well anyway, we read it. We started reading it. We're all gonna find out together. Anyone else want to add anything before the summaries?

LIZ: Yeah, I want to look for one second at the Allegiances area, cause there's some great descriptions. "Fireheart, handsome ginger tom. Graystripe, long-haired solid gray tom." Why is he called Graystripe then? What the fuck?

JULIAN: I always thought all the official art was like wrong because he didn't have any stripes in it. But it turns out that fuckin apparently he doesn't have stripes.

LIZ: What?

PAZ: Are they like metaphorical stripes. What happened?

LIZ: Are they military stripes?

PAZ: Oh no.

JULIAN: Maybe they thought the stripes would kind of like come in when he got older.

PAZ: Wow, Bluestar's really betting on that, huh? Didn't happen.

LIZ: She's playing the long game. You know, she's just got that big mastermind brain. Except when she doesn't. There's one more and it's for one of the the older cats, and it's gonna come up later. Let me see here. Yeah, there's Dappletail, "a once-pretty tortoiseshell she-cat with a lovely dappled coat." They do this to her at least two times. She was once beautiful. Hey. Come on.

PAZ: It reminds me of that Cats character.

JULIAN: Oh yeah, fuckin...

PAZ: The one who sings Memory.

JULIAN: Grizabella, the glamour cat.

PAZ: Yeah, Dappletail the glamour cat.

JULIAN: What do you have against aging gracefully, Erin Hunter?

LIZ: Yeah, all cats are beautiful to me.

JULIAN: All cats are queens.

PAZ: Yes.

JULIAN: Including Dappletail.

PAZ: Yes. I think old cats can be very cute.

LIZ: Yeah, again, look at Chloe.

JULIAN: Chloe.

LIZ: Chloe.

JULIAN: I was also excited to see in the Allegiances that Barley, Smudge, and Ravenpaw are all listed.

PAZ: Yes.

LIZ: Yay.

JULIAN: Spoilers, I guess, but it's also in the front of the book, so.

LIZ: Spoilers.

PAZ: Yeah, they do that sometimes. They do that every time. Aw, Smudge's description is so cute. "Plump, friendly black and white kitten who lives in the house at the edge of the forest."

JULIAN: I don't think he's a kitten anymore.

LIZ: No.

JULIAN: He and Fireheart are the same age.

PAZ: Well, his balls are gone so he's an everkit or whatever the hell that was.

LIZ: Is that what happened?

PAZ: We found that like cat slur somewhere.

LIZ: That doesn't mean he stops aging.

PAZ: Well, I don't know. I don't know what perspective Allegiances is written from.

LIZ: You know, whoever wrote this, hundreds of years in the cat future, the weird archivist doing this had some very strange views about age. You know, after cats have learned to write.

JULIAN: Right.

PAZ: Yeah, right.

JULIAN: With their little paws.

PAZ: Oh my god, there's a RiverClan person called Loudbelly.

LIZ: Aw.

JULIAN: I love that.

LIZ: So good.

PAZ: That's a great name.

LIZ: Wait. Right below is there's a warrior called Whiteclaw.

PAZ: The description is just "a dark warrior." Period.

JULIAN: Why is he fucking named Whiteclaw?

LIZ: Maybe he's got little white socks.

JULIAN: Oh, that would be good.

PAZ: Oh, yes. I like that.

LIZ: Or maybe he just you know, likes hard seltzer.

JULIAN: I feel like hard seltzer didn't exist as a thing when this was written in like...

PAZ: No. Two thousand--

JULIAN: 2005 or whatever.

PAZ: Yeah. Okay, when did this come out? I think it might have actually come out the same year as the first one or like the year immediately after.

LIZ: Really.

PAZ: It came out, like really close together. I remember being--

LIZ: If you poured like vodka into a carbonator, would that be anything? Is that scientifically like viable?

JULIAN: Oh, yeah. Publish date 27 May 2003. Um, let's see. Carbonated vodka. I don't know if the alcohol would hold carbonation well.

LIZ: Probably not.

JULIAN: Um, nope. Someone did put-- here's a YouTube video. Someone put vodka in their Sodastream. Uh, yeah, it's possible. I think it probably doesn't taste good.

LIZ: No.

PAZ: I don't think you should carbonate anything. That's my stance.

JULIAN: You don't like the bubbles?

PAZ: No, I don't.

LIZ: Give them to me.

JULIAN: I love the sharp water.

LIZ: Me too, handshake.

PAZ: I don't like the bone hurting juice.

LIZ: I don't know. It feels-- sometimes your bones need some hurting. It's medicinal.

PAZ: Mmkay. Anyway, I think we're-- oh yes.

JULIAN: We've gotten wildly off topic.

LIZ: But just as a heads up, it's currently thundering where I live, so adds to the vibe, but also--

JULIAN: It'll be atmospheric.

LIZ: Yeah. But if you hear any, like rumbling in the background, I hope you don't, but that's what it is.

PAZ: I hope your power stays on.

LIZ: Me too.

PAZ: Well, let's dive into this then, just to get into it. Okay, so moving on to the summaries. This week, we read the prologue through chapter 3 of Fire and Ice. So the prologue opens on an unknown group of cats huddled near the Thunderpath within range of a Twoleg campfire. The cats are led by Tallstar, revealing them to be the exiled WindClan cats. The WindClan cats are still searching for a new home since being driven from their territory. The other cats in the clan voiced their concerns for themselves and the kits, but Tallstar decides that they have no choice but to settle in this barren area. The cats find a tunnel underneath what appears to be a highway overpass and take shelter there, having no other choices.

Chapter 1 then opens immediately following the last scene of Into the Wild, where Fireheart and Graystripe are completing their silent vigil. The book recaps the events of the previous book through Fireheart's internal monologue a lot. After their vigil, Sandpaw and Dustpaw get a scene where they are clearly displeased that the younger apprentices were made warriors first. And then as Graystripe and Fireheart settle into sleep in the warriors den, Fireheart thinks about how he still has to warn Bluestar about Tigerclaw. And he then has a very vivid dream of Thunderpath and cats in front of a fire.

After a timeskip to the evening, Fireheart and Graystripe have a conversation about how Fireheart wants to warn Bluestar. Graystripe doesn't seem to believe what Ravenpaw had said, and pointed out that if Ravenpaw was right, Redtail must have killed Oakheart, which would be against the warrior code and thus an assault on the deceased deputy's honor. Fireheart decides that Graystripe can stay out of the situation, and he will handle it himself. There is then a naming ceremony in which Longtail, the cat who hated Fireheart for being a kittypet, gets a new apprentice, Swiftpaw.

The next night is the night of the Gathering, and Fireheart and Graystripe attend it as warriors. Along the way. Fireheart finally gets a chance to talk with Bluestar alone, and informs her that Ravenpaw is not dead but with Barley, which Bluestar takes well. However, when Fireheart tells her about Tigerclaw, she is less receptive, especially because it calls Redtail's honor into question. She is doubtful that Ravenpaw actually saw the murder. The conversation is interrupted by Tigerclaw, and they continue on to the Gathering. Fireheart is left off kilter and begins to doubt his own gut instincts and the words of Ravenpaw.

Chapter 2 features the first gathering after Brokenstar's exile. Bluestar introduces Yellowfang as the new ThunderClan medicine cat, and Nightpelt from ShadowClan reveals that StarClan chose him to be their new leader and will travel to the Moonstone the next night. Crookedstar then revokes ShadowClan's right to hunt in their territory, which causes tension with Nightpelt. Crookedstar and Nightpelt then agree that with WindClan gone, both clans should hunt in their territory for prey. Bluestar objects to this, saying WindClan must return because StarClan gave them four clans for a reason. Tigerclaw publicly agrees WindClan must be returned. Nightpelt concedes that he will allow WindClan to return, as does Crookedstar. But both Fireheart and Tigerclaw notice after the meeting that Crookedstar and Nightpelt seem to be scheming in private despite publicly agreeing.

And then in the last chapter, chapter 3, the ThunderClan cats discuss Nightpelt and ShadowClan back in their camp. Whitestorm suggests ShadowClan is stronger than they appeared and that Nightpelt may have high ambitions. And some other cats reveal RiverClan's river hunting grounds have been disturbed by Twolegs. Later Firepaw once again dreams of the Thunderpath and the sad cry of a young cat. He wakes up unsettled and ultimately decides it must be a commonplace nightmare.

The following morning, Bluestar calls Fireheart and Graystripe for a meeting, where she gives them the mission to find and bring WindClan cats back to the forest. They will be the only two cats on this mission. Graystripe almost lets slip to Tigerclaw that they'd taken Ravenpaw to WindClan territory not too long ago, but Fireheart covers it up. The two then visit Yellowfang in the medicine cat's den, and Fireheart has some melancholy thoughts about Spottedleaf. And then after receiving their traveling herbs, the two warriors head out in search of WindClan. And that is the end of our reading this week.

JULIAN: I thought like they do a good job of kind of recapping what you last saw on Warriors, without it being like too heavy handed. Which was nice given that for most people, there's gonna be a little bit of a wait.

LIZ: Yeah.

PAZ: Yeah, I agree. It's pretty well done.

LIZ: Yeah, I just want to say it's a good use of Fireheart's brooding. He's got reason to.

PAZ: Yeah, I guess it also helps that, like there's literally no time in between the end of this book and-- I mean, the start of this book and the end of the last book, so I guess he's just like thinking about current events.

JULIAN: Yeah, well and I feel like we didn't get to see any of his like emotional reactions to basically anything that happened.

PAZ: Yeah, he seems to already have much more of like an internal life going on in this book than in the last book.

JULIAN: It's nice. Graystripe is also developing a little bit more of a personality, which is cute.

PAZ: Yes. He's developing the personality of like, not trusting his friend's words.

JULIAN: Well, yeah, that part sucks.

LIZ: Of a centrist?

PAZ: Yeah, he's developing the personality of a centrist. Oh, no.

JULIAN: Ugh.

PAZ: I do have a note here of "Graystripe confirmed fluffy" with a little smiley face. Cause I think there's a line about him being like long-furred or something.

JULIAN: Yeah, they're all getting fluffy for the winter.

PAZ: Yeah.

JULIAN: No, the Graystripe line that I liked was he says something about that he hopes Tigerclaw will set Sandpaw and Dustpaw to chasing blue squirrels.

PAZ: Yeah, that was cute. There's also a very, very cute moment in chapter 3. I'll just read it. "Graystripe purred briefly in his sleep as Fireheart settled besides him and closed his eyes." It's very cute.

JULIAN: Aw.

LIZ: Aw. They're still just little guys.

JULIAN: Pals.

PAZ: They're little guys curled up next to each other.

JULIAN: Excellent.

PAZ: I mean, I'm happy WindClan is getting introduced because as I've stated as a child, I was a WindClan fan. So.

JULIAN: Hell yeah.

PAZ: It's their time, and good thing because the other clans suck right now.

JULIAN: Yeah.

PAZ: I mean, do we want to go from the top? Like, from the prologue onward?

JULIAN: Yeah, with the prologue?

PAZ: Yeah. The prologue was nice. It was like very atmospheric and stuff. Um, I don't understand why humans suck so much in this universe.

JULIAN: I also have a note about like, why do the Twolegs fucking suck.

LIZ: Yeah.

PAZ: I mean, like, I know, like, some people are mean to cats like even just out on the street. But I don't think to this degree where like every single human being is.

JULIAN: Yeah, no, it sucks so much. Everyone's so mean to these little cats.

PAZ: Unbelievable.

JULIAN: Although I will say if I saw like 20 to 30 feral cats.

PAZ: Okay, that's fair.

JULIAN: If I was just chilling in the woods and I saw 20 to 30 feral cats, I might also like, yell at them

PAZ: What's that tweet about the feral hogs?

LIZ: That's so many though. I would leave. I don't think I could take 20 to 30 feral cats. They'd just get me.

PAZ: Legit question for rural Britons? British people? I don't know what British people are called. How do I kill the 20 to 30 feral cats that run into my yard within three to five minutes while my small kids play?

JULIAN: I feel like Twolegs sucking is gonna be kind of a theme of these books.

PAZ: It definitely is.

JULIAN: Given that we're already starting to see like, oh, the Twolegs are encroaching on the forest.

LIZ: Habitat loss.

PAZ: Yeah. I am curious to see where it goes with that theme of like, are you gonna lean into like this environmental theme? I don't know where they land on the execution, but we'll see.

LIZ: We don't know it yet. But in two or three series, the humans are just gonna have a little apocalypse and die off and it's gonna be post human apocalypse cat society just like in Guardians of Gahoole. Which is just gonna be like a weird mythology that's like used to scare the little kits and stuff.

JULIAN: Right? Like, do your hunting practice or a Twoleg will get you.

LIZ: Why is the Thunderpath called that? It's so peaceful and quiet. It's still smelly though.

PAZ: This is a bold claim to make about future books. I mean, I guess we'll see, you know.

JULIAN: Liz's predictions are my favorite part.

LIZ: Yeah, it's me. I'm the medicine cat.

PAZ: But, I mean, the prologue was pretty short. It was just like some like, atmospheric scene setting. But poor WindClan, man.

JULIAN: Yeah. I feel sorry for that cat who's going to have to give birth in a storm drain.

PAZ: Right?

LIZ: No.

PAZ: I would take in these 20 to 30 feral cats and feed them.

JULIAN: Trap neuter return, guys. Cats don't have to give birth in a storm drain if they don't get pregnant.

PAZ: Taps head three times. But yeah, and then moving on to chapter 1. It's pretty long. It's just a lot of Fireheart being like, I gotta tell Bluestar again.

JULIAN: It felt like a fuckin like comedy of errors. Every time he gets up to tell her, she is like, oh, Tigerclaw is at my side now, or I'm gonna hop up on the High Rock and make an announcement. It felt very Yakety Sax.

PAZ: Yeah, it did. But you know, I'm glad he finally like got that drilled into his memory enough that it happened.

JULIAN: I was so afraid he was going to tell her about Ravenpaw and then not say anything about Tigerclaw.

PAZ: Oh, I know.

JULIAN: I thought he might chicken out at the last minute. I'm very glad that he did not.

LIZ: I couldn't take that for another book.

PAZ: A whole nother book.

LIZ: I'm glad he's got a little brain now. I'm so proud of him. Character development.

PAZ: Yeah, he does seem to be developing a bit more of a brain. It's only been like three chapters. But you know.

LIZ: Speaking of Fireheart's brain, there is this part. near the middle? The end of chapter 1 where one of the other warriors gets like an apprentice. And there is a little bit of thought there about like xenophobia.

PAZ: Yeah.

LIZ: Yeah, Fireheart is like, wow, that guy didn't welcome me when I was a kitten. But I guess it's fine because that other kitten was born here.

PAZ: Yeah.

LIZ: And apparently, he makes an expression cause Graystripe is like, what's with you?

PAZ: Yeah, I like that scene a lot, actually, cause it was like, wow character.

LIZ: Uh-huh. And it hasn't been that long since he was like that young. So like, this is still kind of fresh to him.

PAZ: I mean, yeah, cats age so fast. I guess it was a couple months ago.

LIZ: Yeah. He's just a little-- he's always gonna be a little guy to me.

PAZ: They do still have little guy energy.

LIZ: Yeah.

JULIAN: Yeah.

PAZ: They're just little guys who are also xenophobic.

JULIAN: Yeah, just because they're little guys doesn't mean they can't do crimes.

PAZ: No, that's very clear. Something I didn't know, I didn't realize that killing another cat was against warrior code? Question mark?

JULIAN: Yeah, I also didn't-- I feel like they kill each other all the time.

LIZ: They do.

PAZ: I was like, uhhh. It wasn't like just killing the deputy, right? Or was it like killing in general?

LIZ: Maybe it's deputy.

PAZ: Gotta go look at Graystripe's exposition.

LIZ: Maybe it's like a political faux pas.

PAZ: Yeah, maybe.

LIZ: Because isn't their murder policy like, hey, if we see you around these parts, it's on sight?

PAZ: Yeah, I thought so.

LIZ: Right?

PAZ: Okay, what Graystripe says is, "I can't believe that Redtail would have deliberately killed another clan deputy in battle. It goes against the warrior code. We fight to prove our strength and defend our territory, not to kill each other."

JULIAN: They kill each other-- again, they kill each other all the time.

PAZ: Right?

LIZ: They really do.

PAZ: I was like, I don't think it would like drag his name through the dirt if it turns out he killed somebody. Tigerclaw says he killed Oakheart, and everyone loves him. Like what is--

JULIAN: Yeah, wait.

PAZ: What is the issue?

JULIAN: Well, I guess it was like he killed Oakheart in revenge for killing Redtail.

PAZ: I guess.

JULIAN: Would that...

PAZ: I guess that makes it better. I don't know.

JULIAN: That makes it okay.

LIZ: Revenge is fine.

PAZ: It also sucks that everyone like just does not believe Ravenpaw.

LIZ: He's done nothing wrong. He was just a little like, guy. I'm sorry I keep saying that. But he's just like, a perfectly fine like, member of the clan who was really great at like hunting snakes and stuff. What did he do wrong?

PAZ: I mean, I guess no one was like, oh, like Ravenpaw's like lying just to be mean. They were all like, maybe he just like mis-saw or he got like, anxious or something. But it's still like, I think it's like a big-- like if you like run away and like fake your death and have that accusation, I think maybe you should like consider more strongly that it might have weight behind it.

JULIAN: Right? This isn't like a fun like flirty accusation for Ravenpaw.

LIZ: No.

JULIAN: It has ruined his life.

PAZ: Yeah, he had to leave his home forever.

JULIAN: I mean, it hasn't ruined his life because he's living in gay pastoral fantasy with Barley, but like, he doesn't know that.

PAZ: Yeah, he hasn't had his like rom com yet.

JULIAN: We're at still the beginning of the rom com.

PAZ: Yeah, Bluestar seems to have no brains, I think.

LIZ: Where'd they go?

PAZ: I'm very frustrated by it. Like why does she love Tigerclaw so much? Chill.

LIZ: They're not even friends. She doesn't like him.

JULIAN: His vibes are so rancid. They're so... and then for Fireheart to start doubting himself. And like Graystripe also to doubt him. Again, Graystripe, you just risked your life to rescue Ravenpaw.

PAZ: Right? I don't understand it.

LIZ: It makes Graystripe seem so like wishy-washy.

PAZ: Right? He's a centrist. He is. He's like, Oh, I don't want to say anything that would harm the clan, you know.

LIZ: Yeah, it makes his like, earlier risk trying to help Ravenpaw seem like, oh, like a way to avoid conflict rather than sacrifice. Ugh.

PAZ: Yeah.

JULIAN: Yeah. I think we do see some stuff later that kind of backs that up.

PAZ: That's good.

JULIAN: As far as his characterization, if I'm remembering the handling of some stuff correctly, but.

LIZ: (skeptically) Mm.

PAZ: Oh boy.

JULIAN: Not with Ravenpaw, but.

PAZ: Yeah, yeah. Um, yeah, I feel bad for Fireheart, though. I do think it's like reasonable for him to start doubting himself when literally everyone else is like, I think his vibes are fine. Despite Fireheart being like, his vibes fucking suck. I can sense it.

JULIAN: I was glad that we got a moment of-- speaking of bad vibes-- Longtail like being nice to his deputy, even though Fireheart is like sad about it. Or to his apprentice, sorry. Because at least we're not continuing the cycle of terrible mentors.

PAZ: Please don't give Tigerclaw another apprentice.

LIZ: No.

JULIAN: Oh, no.

LIZ: Bluestar was considering it, right?

JULIAN: Maybe he's too busy for one now.

PAZ: I don't know.

JULIAN: I thought maybe-- I said maybe he's too busy for one now. But then I remembered that Bluestar had a apprentice, so. Although she seems to have had one fighting session with Firepaw.

LIZ: It was really good, though. Look at him now.

JULIAN: Yeah, that's true. He is very good.

PAZ: She said, my work here is done.

LIZ: And it was.

JULIAN: He's a feisty little boy.

PAZ: Yeah, apparently, cause she just made him a warrior.

LIZ: That's all he needed.

PAZ: Yeah, you're right. He's like, he's never going to be mentored by Bluestar again, because he's a warrior now. That literally-- that was only important for one scene. That is so funny.

LIZ: God.

JULIAN: He had one session of driver's ed. He got behind the wheel once and then they didn't even make him take a driver's test. They were just like, oh, here's your license. Go ahead.

PAZ: I mean, I guess the one thing I can say for Bluestar is she was like, really chill about Ravenpaw leaving. She was just like, yeah, sometimes cats just would be better off somewhere else, like not in a mean way. Just like, he didn't seem that happy here. Thanks, Bluestar.

LIZ: I did like the parallel she made with like, Fireheart, you're happier here, even though you weren't born here. And like, it was interesting cause he was also self conscious about that. Because like, that's the thing that does get him now and then, like, personally, even though she means it as like a nice thing.

PAZ: But she says, I do not want to hear it about Tigerclaw, so that's great.

JULIAN: Oy.

LIZ: One last thing about chapter 1, before we get to the later parts, I guess-- or I mean, we're kind of there already, but you know. I just want to draw attention to Whitestorm pretty early on, because he's described as having a deep meow.

PAZ: I mean, there's cats who do.

LIZ: Yeah, it's just funny to hear that. It's like, "'glad to see the dawn, you two.' Whitestorm's deep meow took Fireheart by surprise."

JULIAN: I'm just imagining him now, now that you mention that, that video of the cat who like meows like a person.

PAZ: Yeah, yes, I love that video.

LIZ: The one that's like (deep voice) meow.

PAZ: Yeah, that one.

JULIAN: That's Whitestorm. I too am surprised, Fireheart.

PAZ: Do you think the cats have like cat accents in their meows?

LIZ: Yeah, they're British.

JULIAN: Oh, I wonder if the different clans have different accents?

LIZ: Aw, that'd be cute.

JULIAN: Because I know-- well, do you think Fireheart like talks like a kittypet? Cause I know that like pet cats often make different noises than like--

PAZ: They meow more.

JULIAN: --feral ones, yeah.

LIZ: That's true.

PAZ: Everyone's always meowing in this book but cats only meow like around humans. But we'll let that slide. It's fine.

LIZ: It's almost like that could be solved with some very minor writing changes. I can't think of what, though.

PAZ: Oh, we should--

JULIAN: Would you say something about it?

PAZ: We should number count the times said is in this book. Can we get...

JULIAN: Yeah, I can do a-- let me do a quick search.

PAZ: Can we get a number on that? Okay, thank you.

JULIAN: On my ebook.

LIZ: Anyone want to make any bets for how many we'll have?

JULIAN: Yeah, give me your over/unders.

LIZ: 12. By the end of the book.

PAZ: Maybe they've they've got a little looser this book. So 20.

JULIAN: Yeah, we're at 27.

PAZ: Oh.

JULIAN: But none of them are dialogue tags.

LIZ: Oh my god.

PAZ: Welp. Okay, that means--

JULIAN: Entirely-- all of them are like, Graystripe said nothing, or like.

PAZ: Oh god.

JULIAN: This character said this. This character said that, or like characters reporting that a character said something else, like in their own dialogue.

LIZ: How do they know what said is?

PAZ: Oh, it's a big fat zero. The dialogue tag.

LIZ: Wouldn't they be like, you'll never guess what Bluestar meowed to me.

PAZ: Oh, God.

JULIAN: Do you want to know how many times meowed is used?

PAZ: Oh, yeah.

LIZ: Yeah.

JULIAN: 300.

LIZ: Oh my goodness.

PAZ: Oh my god.

LIZ: I can hear it. It's just like 20 to 30 cats meowing at you.

PAZ: Oh boy, well, um, no updates in writing style there, I guess.

JULIAN: I think that's probably in the style Bible.

PAZ: God. I wonder.

LIZ: If you want to be an Erin, and you come up with your draft, and you use said as a dialogue tag, they're gonna be like, [claps] No.

PAZ: Even once.

LIZ: We're going to Ctrl-F. We're going to replace. Listen, we love the rest of this. But we do things a certain way here. It's about consistency.

JULIAN: I wonder if the cats chirp at all.

LIZ: Oh, my God.

PAZ: See, that's how cats would talk to each other.

JULIAN: Because that's how cats communicate.

LIZ: Yeah.

JULIAN: Nope. None.

PAZ: Unbelievable.

LIZ: Maybe later.

JULIAN: I guess does have like a sort of--

PAZ: Bouncy vibe to it.

JULIAN: It has like a very cheerful energy to it.

LIZ: They can be cheerful sometimes.

PAZ: Well they should use it sometimes, then, unless these cats are never cheerful.

LIZ: They are. I hope they're happier. Yeah.

PAZ: Well, I think we were talking about Whitestorm. My note on him is he seems like real cool and chill and I don't understand why he wasn't made deputy.

LIZ: He didn't want to. He just didn't want to.

PAZ: I mean, I guess that means he got to live for now, at least, so.

JULIAN: Whitestorm has like cool uncle vibes.

LIZ: Cool uncle who's like-- he's got a little bit more brain. He's not gonna get, you know, murdered immediately maybe.

PAZ: Yeah.

JULIAN: Yeah, he's the uncle who like at family gatherings you like, go out to the porch because people are fighting and like, he's just chilling out there with a drink. And you just like make eye contact and nod at each other.

PAZ: I love that.

LIZ: He's having a White Claw. He's like, okay, you're 13. Have a Lacroix.

PAZ: But then chapter two is just the Gathering, basically. Cat politics are back. They're still going at it.

JULIAN: I feel like ShadowClan has got to stop electing or like choosing to elect leaders who have rancid names. Make Runningnose leader.

PAZ: Night is not as bad as Broken, I guess, but it's still...

JULIAN: Yeah, no, it's not.

LIZ: It's just kind of goth, I guess.

PAZ: But he sucks too, and so does Crookedstar apparently.

JULIAN: Damn, who'da thunk?

LIZ: Why doesn't he have like a river-themed one? Why isn't he also like, Wetfoot or something? Wetstar?

PAZ: Wetass.

LIZ: We can't do that here.

JULIAN: Okay, okay.

PAZ: We can't use that. Sorry, I just-- you can't use that word.

LIZ: Mm-mm.

PAZ: I just see Castiel from Supernatural's face--

LIZ: No.

PAZ: --in my mind's eye.

JULIAN: Bringing it back. Bringing it back.

LIZ: We've gone too far. Oh, no. Fishstar.

JULIAN: Yeah, no, I'm... yeah, Fishstar. Hookstar would be fun.

PAZ: Sinister.

JULIAN: Like, you know, he's really good at scooping fish out of water. Um, give them a little... little tricky vibe. But not like as bad as Crookedstar.

LIZ: No, it's just roguish. It's not just evil.

JULIAN: Yeah.

PAZ: Prawnstar. Eyyy. Like, like monster.

JULIAN: Do they have crayfish in England?

PAZ: That's what I was wondering. I'm like, I don't know. That's why I said prawn.

JULIAN: Bringing back our little section of animal googling.

LIZ: Yes.

JULIAN: I can't believe I said crayfish. Crawfish.

PAZ: He could be... He could be Crawstar.

LIZ: Wait, is there a difference?

PAZ: I don't know.

LIZ: Also, yes. Do you know why?

PAZ: Why?

LIZ: Well, there's only one. There's not really any reason why. But they are called white-clawed crayfish.

PAZ: Oh.

LIZ: Yeah, see? It's all ring theory.

JULIAN: There you go.

PAZ: Whiteclaw is in RiverClan.

LIZ: "Due the introduction of non-native North American signal crayfish." Oops.

PAZ: Woopsie.

LIZ: Oh no.

JULIAN: You just gotta eat them. You gotta eat more of them.

LIZ: Yeah.

PAZ: Get on it, RiverClan.

JULIAN: God, I want crawfish. All right, um.

LIZ: I'm so hungry, guys.

PAZ: Me too.

JULIAN: It does suck that-- the cat politics-- it sucks that RiverClan, having just come from being like, no, ShadowClan, you can't encroach on our territory, is like, but it's okay if we encroach on WindClan's and like, don't let them come back.

PAZ: What the fuck?

LIZ: It was instant.

JULIAN: What's wrong with y'all?

PAZ: Yeah, like real shitty.

JULIAN: Also, again, I agree with whichever cat was like, there's just some scrawny rabbits up there. Like, yeah, what do y'all want?

PAZ: Yeah, like WindClan already is like, toughing it out up there. Like, just let them come back. You're not gonna get much out of it.

LIZ: It sounds like WindClan is like maybe five people at this point.

PAZ: Oh, God. Well, maybe that was like a Crookedstar homophobia moment. I found it interesting that Tigerclaw was so adamant about WindClan coming back, though. Just I guess it wasn't clear in the text if he like-- it wasn't indicated that he was like saying that like untruthfully, in any way. So I wasn't sure if he was just supposed to-- yeah.

JULIAN: Yeah, he seems like very much in support of WindClan, which I didn't expect.

PAZ: Yeah, it's just odd. Like, I don't know, I guess because he really only cares about his ambitions so far.

JULIAN: Yeah, I guess it also helps-- like if he is publicly backing up Bluestar, that kind of helps him solidify his position with her.

PAZ: That could be it, but just like it wasn't written in the way to make that like clear that that was his goal. So I was like, is he being genuine? I don't know. It's interesting.

JULIAN: Yeah, no, that's me just like, coming up with possible evil motivations for that. He might just be pro WindClan.

PAZ: Wow, I have something in common with Tigerclaw finally.

LIZ: Yeah, the introduction of having like that in common with Bluestar and Fireheart is like, I think it's really interesting because like, oh, no, now what do I do? It's like that Lord Of the Rings meme, right, with the I can't believe I'm whatever. I don't know. I've seen Lord of the Rings once.

PAZ: Fighting side by side with a dwarf. Fighting side by side with an elf. Yeah.

LIZ: Except still evil at some point, right? Mm.

PAZ: Yeah. Yeah, it was interesting. I am curious to see his attitude towards WindClan down the road, I guess. Like where is that coming from?

JULIAN: And he like, when they go to prep for their their secret mission, he's very supportive, and trying give them advice. Which I kind of expected him to use this as an opportunity to try to bump off Fireheart but.

LIZ: He loves to do that.

JULIAN: I guess it would be too suspicious.

PAZ: Yeah, I mean, like, maybe he's hoping that but it didn't seem like that.

JULIAN: Yeah, I don't think he has it in for Fireheart at this point.

PAZ: Not at the moment.

LIZ: No.

PAZ: Cause he was like, make sure to avoid Nightpelt and stuff like that. I guess if he really wanted Fireheart killed, he would have sent them directly towards Nightpelt. I don't know.

JULIAN: Or just been like, oh, make sure that you like walk on the Thunderpath. Disguise your scent.

PAZ: Oh, God.

JULIAN: Maybe you can take a shortcut through snake hell.

PAZ: I do hope we get to see more comical Tigerclaw like trying to murder someone publicly.

LIZ: Yeah.

PAZ: It was very funny last book.

JULIAN: It was very like Tom and Jerry, like cartoonishly large hammer.

LIZ: Tom v. Tom. I do like the conflict, I guess, like inner conflict that it brings up in Fireheart. Because like, he's using his brain, which is still so novel to me, that I'm like, whenever it happens, I'm just like, yes, do it. I know you can do it. I believe in you.

PAZ: He's learning. He's growing stronger as a warrior.

LIZ: I guess it also gives, like, some reasoning as to why Bluestar is giving any shit about like, keeping him where he is. Like, if, if he's, you know, like agreeing and making things or like taking her side and stuff. Like you guys said, it's like a good political thing.

PAZ: Yeah, I mean, Bluestar always seems to like-- her reason for supporting him always seems to come back to like, he's very helpful to the clan and like, supportive of the clan. And that's why everyone likes him, question mark? So getting in the good graces.

JULIAN: I did really like the last line of the third chapter.

PAZ: Oh, I think I remember.

JULIAN: "As he raced through the tunnel, Fireheart heard the ferns rustling in the morning breeze. They seem to be whispering, 'Good luck! Travel safely.'" Which I thought was just really nice.

LIZ: That's very sweet.

PAZ: Yeah, that was just a nice little like good vibes moment.

JULIAN: Yeah.

PAZ: Also sets up the journey to be like, kind of exciting.

LIZ: It's kind of like an old fashioned way of writing like, adventure nature stuff, which I liked.

JULIAN: Yeah, it feels very, like kids adventure novel. I mean, this is a kids adventure novel, but like that very particular genre of like E. Nesbitt.

LIZ: Yeah, if this was a book about like Fireheart being a little teeny cat with like, pants and a shirt and like a knapsack full of bread or something.

PAZ: Wow.

LIZ: And a sword. This is what it would also be like.

PAZ: Picturing it.

JULIAN: Yep. It's just our podcast art, but with an orange cat instead of a gray one. Ideal.

LIZ: While we're in this section, I want to draw attention to something Graystripe says, which is he calls Fireheart "slow slug," which adorable.

PAZ: Graystripe has some really good like, sayings.

JULIAN: Yeah, why wasn't that on our list of cat insults?

PAZ: I don't know.

LIZ: We should be keeping that. Just keep it updated for reference.

JULIAN: Open up a wiki page. Just kidding. The Warriors wiki team is very, uh, strict.

PAZ: They seem... I don't want to get on their bad side. They'll send like a hit squad out for us.

JULIAN: The power of a team that can organize a wiki of that size that well is very frightening to me.

PAZ: Yes. I do gotta say, though, Bluestar, why are you sending out like the two youngest warriors on this important mission?

LIZ: Bluestar's brains this book are just gone.

JULIAN: She's like, Oh, it's because the other warriors have to hunt. And it's like, you don't want to send your like seasoned warriors who might have some political savvy out to handle the bringing back the clan that was driven from their home job?

PAZ: Yeah, they're essentially going as like diplomats, like diplomats and rescue team. Like you'd think you would send someone who's a good like representation of your clan out.

JULIAN: Like send Whitestorm.

PAZ: Right?

LIZ: Yeah, he's great.

JULIAN: Not these two apprentices who-- Fireheart has never met WindClan. And Graystripe like, is--

LIZ: A centrist.

JULIAN: --has only [laughs] yeah. He's a centrist. And also, he's only been known to WindClan as like a child. So I don't think that this like traumatized clan is going to want to go with them.

PAZ: Right? It's so weird.

LIZ: I think like the reason the book gives is like, oh, you guys are the only ones who know what WindClan smells like right now. And that's also easily something-- you don't have to send both of them. Just send one of them and like, an adult.

PAZ: Yeah. Well, I'm not sure about that one, Bluestar. But okay.

JULIAN: Well, Fireheart will have to use his protagonist aura.

PAZ: Yeah. Maybe she was counting on that.

LIZ: Bluestar has such a serious case of like, dumb for the plot. It's so...

PAZ: Right?

LIZ: The crime against the girlbossiest of girlbosses. I don't know.

PAZ: How could they do this? Yeah, I mean, but that's kind of the end of that reading section. Just they're going out on their journey. I do have to say, I wish Fireheart would realize he was having like prophetic dreams. He was like, well, the other ones were prophetic, but this one isn't, probably. It's fine.

JULIAN: I'm sure this one is fine and normal.

LIZ: You know, it's okay that he's still so dumb. Because if he got smart, like, all at once, it would just be too much of a character shift. This feels good and familiar.

JULIAN: Yeah. Yeah. I also think like, if I had like, a couple of prophetic dreams, and then had a dream that like, seemed just sort of like bad vibes, I would be like, Oh, I don't want this dream to be prophetic. So I'm gonna decide that it's not

PAZ: Yeah, that was kind of what he did. And he was also like, I don't want Tigerclaw to like, get on my case about this. So, um, it was probably fine. I'll just go back to sleep.

LIZ: It's procrastination if you're like a prophet.

PAZ: StarClan is like sending these down, like, hello? Hello? Open your texts.

LIZ: These are StarClan emails.

JULIAN: Fireheart's 5000 unopened emails.

LIZ: Dear Fireheart, hope you're well. Was just wanting to check up on the last email that I sent you. Have you had a chance to look at it? Please let me know as soon as you can. Regards, StarClan.

JULIAN: Graystripe, meanwhile, over here at inbox zero.

LIZ: StarClan voice, per my last email.

JULIAN: Purr my last email? Sorry.

LIZ: Ooh. Well done. [claps]

PAZ: The dreams are very like sad though.

JULIAN: Yeah. Why can't he have a good prophetic dream?

PAZ: Prophetic dream that he'll catch a big rabbit tomorrow. I don't know. I don't know what would be a good cat dream.

JULIAN: I guess his dreams when he was a kittypet, those prophetic dreams were good dreams. He got to catch a mouse.

LIZ: Prophetic dream about being able to eat cheese for the first time because he gets invited to Ravenpaw and Barley's wedding on the farm, and the farmers have left some cheese out as a wedding gift.

PAZ: Wow.

JULIAN: Wow. He can't have too much, though. It'll upset his little tummy.

PAZ: Well, just a little nibble.

LIZ: Just a little, just a little.

PAZ: As a treat. Well, I'm excited to for next reading.

JULIAN: Yeah, I think we're gonna have some good journey content.

PAZ: Yeah, I love when the cats go places, you know?

JULIAN: It's good.

PAZ: Cats on the move. I mean, does that end our little reading section?

JULIAN: Yeah, I think we covered it.

LIZ: Yeah. Though I am looking at my bookmark, which talks about Dappletail again. And it calls it, "the once-beautiful queen Dappletail spoke up in a voice cracked with age."

PAZ: Just Grizabella.

JULIAN: This is just...

PAZ: She's gonna start belting out Memory any second now.

JULIAN: I started to, like, trying to remember the tune so I could sing it, or like part of it, but all I could remember was Agony from Into the Woods. (singing to the tune of "Agony") Memory. Uh, Anyway.

PAZ: Anyway, let's move on to our next thing. I was thinking we could click around MIT Scratch Warriors community.

JULIAN: Hell yes.

PAZ: Which we were introduced to last episode. There is truly so much here. I don't understand it.

[meow]

LIZ: What is...

JULIAN: Oh, this is delightful.

LIZ: What is MIT Scratch really?

PAZ: I don't know. Let me go look at their about.

JULIAN: So yeah, so Blue said it was like a-- it's like a site for kids to kind of learn how to code. So it's, you know, like, this is how you put together an animation, or like a program, or like a little game. But you don't have to actually write the code. You just learn how to kind of do if/then types of things and dependencies and that sort of thing.

LIZ: That's sweet.

PAZ: But it's extremely funny that a Warriors community has made itself at home here.

LIZ: I think that just... it feels natural.

JULIAN: Yeah. Oh, there's a bunch of remixes of this Make a Clan link. Or no, there's just one.

PAZ: Where is... Oh God. Oh, God. I can't see anything. Oh, mm? Aah.

JULIAN: Oh. Hello? I'm gonna make this full screen.

PAZ: Oh, that might help things. I didn't-- no. That didn't really help things. We're looking at a game--

JULIAN: This cat is talking to me, but I can't--

PAZ: We're looking at a game called Make a Clan. There is a cat talking to us but it is covered by a bajillion windows.

JULIAN: How do I hide these?

PAZ: I don't know. I don't think we can.

LIZ: Don't be a coward. Click in all of that.

PAZ: Oh, I think the cat's saying, What's your clans name? Well, CrabClan. If I type it in, will it accept it? Okay, yes, it accepted it. What's your leaders name? It was--

LIZ: Alix.

PAZ: Larkstar and-- was it, no. What'd you end up, Julian?

JULIAN: Oh, I don't remember. I think I stuck with Pinestar, maybe? Pine, whatever the fuck. Pinestripe.

PAZ: Pinestar. There we go. Oh, I think I filled it out wrong. Oh no. Aw.

LIZ: Well then, we can't make a clan.

PAZ: I don't know about this one, guys.

LIZ: We got booted.

JULIAN: Oh, yeah, I've put it in as the clan name. Whoops.

PAZ: Well.

JULIAN: Yeah, we might have to pick another one. Oh, I'm gonna-- let's see.

PAZ: Do we want to check out this one that I found? A Day in the Life of a Clan Leader.

JULIAN: Yeah, let's do this.

PAZ: I'm loving the music.

JULIAN: Oh, there are instructions. The game is unfinished.

PAZ: Oh god, the music just changed.

LIZ: Oh god, it's so loud.

JULIAN: "To pick your cat, just click on it. To move, use the right or left arrow keys. To travel around, click the entrance of the place you want to go. To hunt the mouse, just click on it." This is very interactive.

PAZ: So we got FireClan, CloudClan, and LeafClan to choose from. Who are we gonna choose?

JULIAN: Oh god, it's so loud.

LIZ: It's very loud. Hey, if you click right and left, you can make the cat dance.

PAZ: We gotta choose our cat. Which clan are we gonna choose?

JULIAN: I vote LeafClan.

LIZ: Me too.

PAZ: Yeah, I'm feeling that. That's Willowstar.

JULIAN: Willowstar has a little diamond in the center of their forehead, which I think is great.

PAZ: Willowstar is like gray and white.

JULIAN: Our other options are Dapplestar, who has a little star, and then Ashstar, who has emo bangs.

PAZ: So it kind of puts your cat in this scene. And you kind of just click places. Oh. So I just clicked into the medicat. Lovely array of like herbs and stuff here. Let's see. Let's see what's up. "The Gathering is tonight. Get ready." Okay. Oh my god. If you press space, they meow.

JULIAN: Aw.

PAZ: I don't know if I can leave this conversat-- okay, yeah, they just go back outside.

JULIAN: Uh-oh. I moved too far to the left.

PAZ: Camp exit. Okay, we're out of the camp. Willowstar? I already can't remember. "I must find prey for my clan. Click the rock to start." Okay, I'm clicking the rock.

LIZ: The medic area looks like it just has cookies.

PAZ: Might have hit a dead end here.

JULIAN: Those are the strongest potions. Yeah, I can't click the rock.

PAZ: Well, that's a day in the life of a leader.

LIZ: Wow. I like the meow function.

PAZ: Yeah, the meow function is great. I think all games should implement that. I have found Warrior Cats Text Adventure.

JULIAN: Oh, that might be a little bit easier.

PAZ: Yeah.

LIZ: Let's do that one.

PAZ: Let's try this one out.

LIZ: Hey, should we screenshare this?

PAZ: Oh yeah, I guess I'll just do that.

LIZ: First screen shared podcast.

PAZ: Okay, we seem to be starting in media res here.

JULIAN: Uh-oh. Try hitting stop and then the green flag again. The stop button up at the top. Oh, there you go. We've started at the beginning.

PAZ: Choose your clan. RiverClan. Oh, they got stats. Oh.

LIZ: Ooh.

JULIAN: Oh shit.

PAZ: RiverClan stats. No, this is WindClan, sorry.

JULIAN: No, that's WindClan.

PAZ: WindClan stats. Speed, 10. Strength, 2. Smarts, 5. Stealth, 5. Swim, 2.

LIZ: Actually, it's stregth.

PAZ: Oh sorry. Stregth.

JULIAN: Stregth.

PAZ: Yes. Oh, that's a special stat that only WindClan has, cause RiverClan just has strength. No, wait.

JULIAN: No, they also have stregth.

PAZ: Wow, you're right. They all have stregth. Stregth. Well, okay. Hey, I have issues with these stats. RiverClan has speed 2, stregth 10, smarts 10, stealth five, swim 10. I think RiverClan's a little OP here.

JULIAN: RiverClan seems kind of OP.

LIZ: Looks like someone has favorites. Hmm.

JULIAN: Can we see what ThunderClan's smart status is? Yeah, that seems about right.

PAZ: Yeah, so ThunderClan's stats are speed 5, stregth 8, smart 5, stealth 5, swim 2.

LIZ: I think smart should be less.

JULIAN: Yeah, I would give them a 2.

PAZ: I would give WindClan more smarts honestly.

LIZ: Yeah, they're like surviving. They've got this.

PAZ: So ShadowClan's stats are speed 5, stregth 8, speed 5, stealth 10, swim 2.

LIZ: Okay, one, I think any clan that isn't RiverClan should have swim 0.

PAZ: That's true. They all have swim 2 except RiverClan. Well, I don't want to choose RiverClan on the basis that they're OP.

JULIAN: I think we should go WindClan.

PAZ: I agree. We're gonna celebrate them this book.

LIZ: Yeah.

PAZ: "Clan leader: Well, well, well, it seems we have received a new warrior. I name you." I think it has given me one. I don't know if I can change it.

JULIAN: Our autogenerated name is Timberburr.

PAZ: I'll take it, you know? Gotta respect what the leader says. "Press space to begin your adventure." Does somebody want to...

JULIAN: Sure.

PAZ: --be this cat.

JULIAN: "Greetings, new warrior. Would you like to join me on a hunting patrol?" This is Stormclaw.

PAZ: That's so...

LIZ: What happens if you say no?

PAZ: Yes or no. Do we want to say no?

LIZ: Yeah.

JULIAN: I want to say no. "That's fine. I'll go with some other cat."

PAZ: "He walks away. A second warrior pads over." Wanna do that, Liz?

LIZ: Oh, I can do it. Clawstrike says, "if you aren't going on patrol, you might as well make yourself useful. The elders need new bedding. The apprentices brough the new moss in, but you can clear away the old moss."

PAZ: "In the elders den, an elder peers at you."

JULIAN: (creakily) "Thank you for doing this."

PAZ: "A second spots you and begins mewing rapidly."

LIZ: Okay. (high-pitched and wavery) "Finally. Young cats these days. That reminds me of when I was young. There was this fox, see, attacking the clans, and I knew that it needed to learn a blah blah blah blah blah."

[laughing]

PAZ: "You finish long before the story is done and exit the den."

JULIAN: This is so rude.

LIZ: I wanna hear about the fox.

PAZ: "The next day... as you stand in camp, you hear something. Before you can move, an enemy clan invades your camp. You find yourself face to face with a snarling enemy cat. You must perform a move against your enemy."

JULIAN: Oh shit.

PAZ: So we can either leap and hold, front paw blow, upright lock, or a tail yank.

LIZ: Tail yank.

JULIAN: I vote tail yank.

PAZ: Okay. Oh god. "You grab your enemy's tail in your teeth and yank, but her twists and slices your chest."

LIZ: No.

JULIAN: Our health has dropped from 20 to 16.

PAZ: Oh God.

LIZ: Oh my god.

JULIAN: Oh shit.

LIZ: We died?

PAZ: We Dark Souls died. "Just then, the order sounds for your clan to retreat. Clan leader: we are defeated." Huge letters. "You lose."

LIZ: We died.

JULIAN: Well, that was quick.

PAZ: Um, well, Warriors games are unforgiving, apparently.

LIZ: Should we replay with better stats?

PAZ: Okay. Do we wanna stay true to our allegiances or go be OP?

LIZ: Let's be OP.

PAZ: Okay, fine. We'll cave to this author's favoritism and be RiverClan. Oh my god.

LIZ: What?

JULIAN: Oh no, we're Ashfur.

LIZ: Wait a minute. Hold on.

PAZ: Ashfur really is like the John of Warriors names.

LIZ: Ashfur, parentheses, no relation.

PAZ: Well, we're Ashfur. Okay. Here we go.

JULIAN: Oh, it's the same warrior.

LIZ: Stormclaw, no relation.

JULIAN: Stormclaw would like us to join him on a sun hunting patrol. Again.

PAZ: Should we say yes this time maybe?

JULIAN: Yeah, let's see what it's like.

LIZ: Yeah.

PAZ: "You walk out of camp. In the hunting grounds of your clan."

JULIAN: (bombastically) "I smell mouse. How about you catch it for your first catch as a warrior?"

LIZ: "Moss says, squeak."

PAZ: No, it's "squeaks softly."

LIZ: Oh, excuse me. (whispering) Squeaks softly.

PAZ: What's our stealth? Not very good. Our speed's not very good. Maybe we should pounce. We're very strong.

LIZ: Yeah.

JULIAN: We can pounce, stalk, or chase, and I think pounce is probably...

PAZ: "When you pounce, the mouse does not notice until too late. With a powerful leap, you catch it and swiftly nip its neck."

JULIAN: (cheerfully) "Wow. Nice catch. That was a great pounce."

PAZ: "His voice is muffled by the feathers of a thrush he caught."

JULIAN: [garbled speech]

PAZ: "You walk back to camp."

LIZ: Which is, by the way, in capital letters.

PAZ: "In your clan's camp. The clan leader says."

LIZ: "Impressive. Good job, both of you."

PAZ: "She nods at you and Stormclaw before vanishing into her den."

JULIAN: "It was fun hunting with you. Now I'll go ask if I'm wanted on moonhigh patrol. If not, I going straight to sleep."

PAZ: "He walks away."

LIZ: This guy is an NPC.

PAZ: He talks like an Oblivion NPC.

LIZ: "I'm going straight to sleep."

JULIAN: What is the difference between this and Oblivion, really?

PAZ: Yeah. I think Bethesda might have ripped some of this off.

LIZ: Mm, maybe you're onto something.

PAZ: "The next day." We're in battle again. "As you stand in the camp, you hear something. Before you can move, an enemy clan invades your camp. You must perform a move against your enemy."

LIZ: What if this was timed?

PAZ: Oh god. Okay, so we're very strong.

JULIAN: I think either leap and hold or front paw blow might be our best bets with strength.

PAZ: Yeah.

LIZ: Yeah.

PAZ: Front paw blow seems good.

LIZ: Yeah, one shot, one kill.

JULIAN: Yeah, let's just fucking punch em.

PAZ: "You slam your paw down on the enemy warrior's head. He hisses but is dazed for a heartbeat. You rake your claws down his chest and he backs away, growling. Just then the order sounds for the other clan to retreat. Your enemy bares his teeth at you and flees alongside his clanmates."

LIZ: Clan leader says, "we have won this battle. All the cats are to go and have their wounds, if they have any, treated by our medicine cat."

PAZ: "The medicine cat pads over and checks your pelt for injuries.

JULIAN: "I can't see or scent any injuries. But I'm out of goldenrod. Could you go gather me some?"

PAZ: We can say yes or no. I feel like saying no last time really fucked us up, maybe. I'll say yes.

LIZ: Yeah. "Thank you."

PAZ: "Outside camp, you search for the herbs and come across three places to check. You know that goldenrod does not grow in marshes." So we can either check ferns, under brambles, or in marsh.

JULIAN: I kinda wanna check in the marsh.

PAZ: Okay.

LIZ: That 10 smart is not accurate.

PAZ: "You pad into the marsh. The mud is thick and wet and you sink a tail length deep."

LIZ: Holy shit.

PAZ: "The mud covers your legs and belly and you struggle to get out. No sign of goldenrod, and now you're stuck." So we can either call for help or pull out. We're very strong.

JULIAN: We are very strong.

LIZ: Yeah.

PAZ: This'll be fine. We're gonna pull out.

LIZ: We're fine.

PAZ: "You try and pull yourself out. The mud clings to your fur, but you manage to get out. You walk back to camp."

LIZ: No consequences for our bad decision?

PAZ: No, I guess not.

JULIAN: I feel like we should have lost some health for like being cold and wet.

LIZ: Probably stinky, too. Oh, it's me. "Clan leader says, let all cats old enough to swim gather for a clan meeting." Oh boy. That was me. The oh boy is not canon. "One of our kits is ready to become an apprentice. Step forward, young one."

PAZ: "A kit scurries forward."

LIZ: (laughing) "From this moment on, you shall be known as Snailpaw."

PAZ: Just to be clear, Snailpaw is also an auto generated name. "The leader fixes her gaze on you."

LIZ: "You shall mentor this cat."

PAZ: "Your apprentice touches noses with you, looking excited."

JULIAN: (chirpily) "I'm gonna be the best warrior in the clan with you as a mentor."

LIZ: I got confused. They were both green text.

PAZ: "What will you do with your apprentice? Hunt. Battle train. Gather moss." This is such a tiny baby. I don't wanna battle train.

JULIAN: Right.

PAZ: They're too small.

LIZ: But I want to seem cool in front of my student. I don't think moss is gonna do it. Let's hunt.

PAZ: Maybe we should hunt, then.

JULIAN: We already hunted though.

PAZ: Well, these cats hunt every day.

LIZ: What if the baby gets hungry? Do we want to gather moss?

PAZ: Let's go hunt.

LIZ: Alright.

PAZ: "You take your apprentice to your clan's hunting grounds."

JULIAN: (high-pitched) "I smell bird."

PAZ: "You teach them the proper bird hunting technique and they begin to stalk a small finch." We can either help your apprentice or let them do it. I'm happy to help our young apprentice, Snailpaw.

LIZ: Yeah.

JULIAN: I feel like as the apprentice, I can't chime in.

LIZ: Let's help.

PAZ: This is their first day. Let's help.

LIZ: Yeah.

PAZ: "The apprentice luges at the bird. And it flutters towards you. You catch and kill it."

JULIAN: (high-pitched) "That was fun. We make a great team."

PAZ: Aw.

LIZ: Aw.

PAZ: "You go back to camp, for the sun is setting."

LIZ: Oh, the prey count also is 2. We did it.

JULIAN: Oh yay.

LIZ: "Clan leader says, oh good, you're back. You had better get some sleep. Now."

JULIAN: (high-pitched) "Thank you for the training."

PAZ: "Your apprentice pads into the apprentices' den and you go to the warriors' den to get some sleep. The next day, the deputy pads over to you."

LIZ: Who wants to do the cowboy voice for this? It can't me.

JULIAN: (laughing) I can do it. [clears throat] (in a very bad Southern accent) "I want you to go on a border patrol by the river with several other warriors." I don't know what happened there.

PAZ: It was perfect.

"At the river."

LIZ: Oh.

JULIAN: Who the fuck is Darkflight?

LIZ: I don't know. "Darkflight says, we should spread out."

PAZ: "Each warrior pads to a different area. You hear a small wail and sight two kits from a different clan floundering weakly in the river." We either help them or leave them.

LIZ: That's a real Bioshock choice there.

JULIAN: Well, help them of course.

PAZ: Yeah, our swim is 10. We're fucking going in there. "You spring into the river to save the kits. Being RiverClan, you swim quickly and nimbly, and are able to reach the kits in time. You haul them out of the river and manage to save them. A patrol from the kits' clan arrives, thanks you, and takes the kits back. Your patrol gapes at you, but you pad back to the camp in silence."

JULIAN: What the fuck is wrong with our patrol?

LIZ: Yeah.

PAZ: Yeah, I can't-- is that like, judgment? You want them to just die? Jesus.

LIZ: Maybe it's um, gaping at us because we swim so good because we have 10 swim.

PAZ: Yeah, it better be in like awe. Oh my god. We won.

LIZ: Holy shit.

PAZ: We won.

JULIAN: We did it.

LIZ: Oh my god.

PAZ: "In camp."

LIZ: "Darkflight says, I'll report back to our leader."

PAZ: "She pads away. The clan leader soon approaches you."

LIZ: Clan leader, who sounds exactly the same, says, "By saving those kits, you have averted war between our clans. May StarClan honor you."

PAZ: "You win" and then there's a little fun animatic of the title, like the Warriors title, pixelating in and out. Wow.

LIZ: I can't believe we did it. Woo.

JULIAN: Incredible, we did it.

PAZ: We did it, guys.

JULIAN: We won at-- we were the best at being a cat.

LIZ: Game of the year. That's all I ever wanted.

PAZ: Because we were incredibly OP.

JULIAN: I think that was it. It's just that we were RiverClan.

LIZ: Yeah, if we hadn't had that 10 swim.

PAZ: Yeah, I feel like this game seems extremely biased towards RiverClan. I don't agree with that. I don't know. That's pretty good.

JULIAN: Yeah, I think that was good.

PAZ: I'm happy to end there on our victory.

LIZ: Yeah. We've got lots of time for more gaming next time.

JULIAN: Right.

PAZ: Exactly.

JULIAN: There's a whole universe here on MIT Scratch.

PAZ: There's so many games. How many-- will it show me a page count? No, it will not show me a page count. Or how many there are. But I assure you, there are a lot.

LIZ: Who needs--

JULIAN: Well, we'll have to link that one in the...

PAZ: Yes.

JULIAN: On the Twitter so that the audience can see if they have any more success as ThunderClan or ShadowClan.

PAZ: Yeah. Um, yeah, I mean, I guess that's gonna do it for us today. Gonna keep going at it with Fire and Ice next week. As always, you can find the show @staircast on Twitter and send in any questions or anecdotes you want to share to [email protected]. And next week, we'll be reading chapters four through seven. So if you're reading along, that's where we'll be at. And until then, may StarClan light your path. Bye.

JULIAN: Bye.

LIZ: Bye.

[outro music]

#transcript #fire and ice ep #ep 08 #twenty to thirty feral cats

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