#I know how to curate my experience and YET everywhere else feels like I wandered into a fight at a bus station | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

violetsystems · 4 years

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#personal

Life is kind of entering the dark side of the moon hidden under the shadows of the holidays. I’m taking my mom out for Xi’an food on Thanksgiving day. We went for Cantonese food last year on Christmas. She is definitely the more nontraditional side of the family. My dad is chill too. He’s relayed to me twice how he doesn’t pay attention to the news. When his wife turns on the tv he plugs in his new airpods and listens to Shania Twain or something. Navigating both relationships over the holidays allows me to take comfort in the uniqueness of my situation. Nothing in my life is very simple and then I sort of take it all in stride. Both my parents often remark about how proud they are I turned out. I was always a very quiet and shy kid up until I had to stand up for myself. Even then I don’t really ever want to be a bother. But a certain amount of respect for myself has developed over time being left out, passed over and ignored. So the deafening silence I have for the past is more about moving on out of the shadows and towards the light. I’ve spent the last twenty years at this point working in a progressive arts environment. I’ve hit plenty of guardrails trying to stay in my lane. But I know where I belong regardless. After awhile what used to frustrate me about self control actually fuels my path forward. Somebody made a comment about how robotic I respond to everything at work. It was a low key sleight and I took it that way but wasn’t totally untruthful. I don’t react much in realms where I don’t control the narrative. I quit Facebook and Twitter awhile ago. I don’t feel as hardwired to share everything in my life. I do take boring pictures on IG to prove I exist. I was walking down the street the other day and somebody motioned to me and said loudly “So he is real.” I don’t use tinder so I don’t know what it’s like to justify my existence every ten feet on my lunch break or commute by swiping right or left. It isn’t like I don’t share my thoughts or bare my soul every Saturday morning on Tumblr. People have grown to appreciate that this is how I engage with people who really want to know what I’m thinking. Everybody in real life just talks at you. A persistent water cooler conversation that goes nowhere. People announce things in a circle about what they’d do if they had super powers or ran for office and it goes nowhere. Roleplaying is fun I guess. I play World of Warcraft. I’m a Warlock named Overbite. Over the summer some Christians called me a witch for walking past their protest at the abortion clinic. It helps me to get into character when I play a paladin. Really get into the mind of the self righteous you know. Understand their power. Freedom of speech in America for what it’s worth doesn’t really get in my way when I realize nobody is listening to anyone but themselves. I talk a lot openly in my kitchen to myself and my cat about all this. I played Magic the Gathering the last two years a lot to practice my public speaking. At least when you announce the rules on a card people have to listen. These days people are too busy to play so I’m left with these funny games in the street. In America it’s becoming more like Outback steakhouse. No rules and too many people leaning to the hard right. The left hand path is kind of secluded. Perfect for a moonlight stroll. As dark as that might be at four pm in the dead of winter.

For what it’s worth I’ve been watching a lot of Watchmen and listening to Nine Inch Nails by myself. I like to read and work on my finances in a cloud based spreadsheet. Most of what I read is online. When it’s not the news or the history of places I barely know it’s quest text or lore on a computer screen. I’ve been a lot more at ease in some ways. I’ve been mostly trying to figure out the feeding schedule for my new house guest. I forget I’ve been feeding that cat twice a day for over a year outdoors. Surprisingly or not so she is pretty much on the same exact schedule as I am. The electric bill is sixty percent lower than it’s ever been. I’m assuming part of that is a more energy efficient refrigerator. My downstairs neighbors Christmas lights don’t even make a dent in the meter. My life is kind of peaceful and boring at home. When I step outside the threshold it can be a different story. In terms of guardrails I’ve become at peace withjwhere I belong. Staying out of trouble. I’ve been swerving around the planet safely for years. I’ve been transparent on the internet as well. You can try to cover your tracks as much as you want. But I don’t believe you can hide from yourself. A friend on here posted this tweet from Cher talking about Epstein. It was a pretty strong opinion about creepy rich old men that I respected. The other part of it struck me a little harder. Something about powerful and strong men holding on to that power. Which leads me to think about what it means to be a powerful or strong man in modern times. For the record I’ve been made to feel just like everybody else quite the opposite. That none of the good I do ever really matters. That how I choose to behave online and off however in sync is not seen as power. And I’m aware that most men have never had to defend themselves or their privileges. I’m also aware that I identify how I identify. There’s no need for me to beat you over the head with any of it. I’ve been online for years and you can ask around. I’m not saying it wasn’t hard work to be a better man. I’m not saying anything really. That’s not for me to prove at this point. I have nothing to defend other than the power of the identity I live in plain sight. In truth being open and honest does get you taken advantage of often. But you learn to handle yourself in dangerous situations. Some of people’s ideas of friendship and trust can be a little naive. I’ve been there. Part of the reason I walked away from making music and performing it was the environment around it. I found I was locked out and walked away from it out of boredom. People already know who I am for better or for worse in more places I’ve never visited. Imagine if I was a piece of shit behind the scenes. My dirty laundry would be everywhere on the internet by now. And these days it’s pretty apparent that being a Warlock in Christian America isn’t the same as it is on a PVP server. War mode is always on if you want it to be. And the battles go nowhere. The only random drops I pay attention to are the sale prices on Gore-Tex Chuck Taylors. The real power being how I manage my finances responsibly. And nobody here listens unless you’ve got your wallet out anyway. I don’t have a line item for any of that in my budget. So I stick to carving out a safe space for myself in a sustainable way and be quiet. Men have spoken enough at this point. I amplify the communities and voices that have shaped my thinking on things. I signal boost and I stay under the radar at the same time. Unless of course you’ve got Airplay sharing enabled.

Every day I log on to this community I have a conscious choice to share. I am mindful personally about what kind of message it sends out. I don’t really judge other people’s curation. I can say sometimes I’m not into certain things. I’m not particularly sensitive to a lot of imagery. I’ve spent twenty years servicing an art school. I’ve seen plenty of fucked up shit outside of my comfort zone. Everything has context in a community. And here online I think we operate with the notion that we are trying to explore the boundaries of our own identities. We are also trying to conduct this experiment in a safe way. A lot of people might say I’m a little too cautious. A lot of people also probably say that I’m a little too straight behind my back. I guess I know my audience and vice versa. But I don’t think of this place as an audience. I’m not out here trying to sell things for profit. I’m trying to signal boost the things that inspire me aesthetically in a complex way. Some things I like. Some things I love and care about dearly. Some people know exactly what I mean when I hint about things. And some people are lost and not even paying that close attention. Some people pop up in my dash and their opinion means the world to me. The togetherness of being in a place where people understand the nuance and context is freeing. Nobody asks too many questions. The interactions I’ve had with people online are always genuine and terse. I’m not trying to secretly infect myself into people’s lives. I’m not actively trying to interfere with anyone’s life or image. I’m also aware that people are appreciative after all this time to trust that. That kind of responsibility and accountability is an asset in complex and troubling times. You know you can always count on somebody to be a good person. There’s a real kind of power there when every other man out there talks the same shit but betrays their words through their actions constantly. I wake up every day at five am and wander into work at seven thirty. I’m there an hour before everyone else. I give people rulers and staplers while I check my mail and post pictures on the internet. I’ve been attacked over the years more often than anybody will ever realize. A lot of it was unfair and misinformed. Years later people know exactly why. And years later people appreciate why I keep my mouth shut and mind my own business. I judge myself by ethics nobody ever asks about. I don’t go with the flow often and yet somehow I’ve travelled the world silently for years by myself. I got around on human kindness and honesty. You can never betray that in yourself. Especially if you are a Warlock. I’m sure the demons would consume you if you did. It seems like simple enough logic and mythology. I do this and stay me however complex that seems because I care. It’s not conditional on an outcome. I’ll be truthful I don’t know where any of this is going. I’m lost in the dark completely. And yet no one on this planet can be me. And I know how powerful that is. It has never been easy. But It’s worth it for me because I have love in my heart. The people that I really share it with deeply know just how much of that there is to go around. It’s something I protect because it’s worth fighting for. A safe place to be free online as well as off. Let’s keep fighting that battle first and foremost. It’s always been the same for me and will be for the immediate future. It may be dark but I see the light at the end of this tunnel. Seasonal depression nothwithstanding. <3 Tim

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theghumakkads · 5 years

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CHANDIGARH: A DAY IN THE CITY BEAUTIFUL

Hungry to travel, we planned a trip to Himachal. We had to decide between Chandigarh and Delhi to be our pit stop. But being architecture - geeks we chose Chandigarh, even though it meant loosing more time in travel. What Chandigarh was all about- Tons of Le Corbusier. Lots of Chole Kulche. Napping on park benches and gardens. Having an entire double decker bus to ourselves. High energy. Great weather.

Chandigarh Railway Station Arrival Story We reached Chandigarh railway station at dawn. And boy oh boy, that was a clean railway station! The cleaners were wiping the walls clean like we do at our homes in Diwali. As a result of 24 hours journey in sleeper coach, our bodies felt dirtier than the benches we sat on. After cleaning up in the waiting room, we went to the ISBT in sector 17. We kept our luggage in the cloak room as we had to board the bus to Himachal from there. These were our ways for a cheap trip turning out to be a pocket friendly and thrill- pill. Trees dot the fabric of Chandigarh- along the roads, in open plazas, everywhere! And mulberry is one such tree that you spot all around. Coming out from the ISBT, we found big mulberry trees loaded with berries as with the onset of summer, they start bearing fruit. While satisfying our taste buds, a few lines from James Riley's poem on the mulberry tree came to my mind: “Today as I dream with both eyes wide-awake/ I can see the old tree and its limbs as they shake/ And the long purple berries that rained on the ground.”

Mulberry hunting on the roads of Chandigarh Chandigarh Tourism runs a hop-on, hop-off double-decker tourist bus. It leaves from sector 17 and runs to prominent sites like the Rose garden, Museum and Art gallery, Bougainvillea Garden, Rock Garden and Sukhna Lake for just 50 bucks a person. As there were no other tourists that day, it was like we had our own private bus to scout the beautiful city and enjoy the panoramic views of sparkling parks, eating joints, and majestic hills, at our own pace!

HOHO bus SUKHNA LAKE Our first stop was Sukhna lake, a majestic man-made lake with Shivalik ranges forming its backdrop. We took a small stroll and clicked a few pictures. After that, we headed towards the next famous destination of Chandigarh, Nek Chand’s wonderful, whimsical Rock Garden.

Large plaza adjoining the lake ROCK GARDEN The whole experience of visiting the Rock Garden was extraordinary, disorientating and deeply impressive. Throughout the garden, Nek Chand has used space in sharply contrasting ways, from almost oppressively narrow, steep-sided lanes and tiny Alice-in-Wonderland doorways to large, confident waterfalls and open terraces. Inspired by Le Corbusier's use of concrete in the city, yet what Nek Chand produced is folk art and labyrinthine paths. It stands in extraordinary contrast to Corbusier's modernist city and its grid pattern roadways. Though being about half a decade old, it still has the same charisma and awesomeness. You are spellbound by the site of hundreds and hundreds of figurines covered with colorful broken crockery, tiles, bangles and what not!

Made entirely of reclaimed, reused and recycled materials GOVERNMENT MUSEUM AND ART GALLERY If it is not Monday or outside the hours of 10:00 AM to 4:45 PM, you may visit the Government Museum and Art Gallery in Sector 10. The Government College of Art and the Museums of Architecture & Natural History surround it. It has become a haven for tourists, researchers, students on a school visit and families because you can spend an entire day here. And for us, its campus meant, a nice place to rest. As we were awake since 4 in the morning, we were tired and the benches shaded by the trees proved to be very cozy to take a half an hour nap. No one else was there the afternoon we visited. We paid admission for ourselves and half-admission for our camera. The curators intended the exhibition to have placid and mesmerizing effects on the eyes of the onlookers. And I must say they were quite successful in doing so. And if one happens to be a lover for art and crafts and architecture, then this place is the ultimate paradise.

Built on Corbusier’s concept of “a Museum of Unlimited Growth” Corbusier conceived the Capitol Complex as the head of Chandigarh’s sectored body, and the City Centre in Sector 17, two-thirds of the way up the grid of arteries, as the heart. The green space—surprise, surprise—was considered the lung. And as an conclusion to our day, we decided to visit the Capitol Complex. Unlike other cities such as Mumbai, which are a mixture; Chandigarh is easy to navigate, sector-wise, as the sectors are all in line. In Mumbai, it takes more-and-more-proximate-but-never-definitive directions from five pedestrians to get anywhere.

An easy to navigate layout CAPITOL COMPLEX The rickshaw deposited us shy of the gate. In front of the guard booth, an army officer kept vigil. He had arms and a rifle, which were enough to make us feel nervous. As we walked towards him, we did rapid character development and hammed up to look like non-hostile tourists (which we were). An even pace, cautious bob of the head, clearly displayed hands, chattering amongst us. While we didn't expect bullets flying towards us, the thought of how severely dangerous an error would be under the circumstances of upcoming elections affected that kind of dread in us. Fear not, we passed through unscathed. The officer took our identity cards in his possession and allowed us to go visit the campus of Capitol Complex. We were warned not to wander anywhere near the Assembly building and the High court or any other building other than the Open Hand. OPEN HAND No one else was there the time we visited. As soon as you enter the campus, you can see the 28 meters high Open Hand looming over you, heavy and dominating. It's not until you reach the monument that you see, the hollow crowned by the Open Hand. The floor of this consideration, 'considering to think, see, to talk about what's real', was 5 meters deep. It consists of two amphitheaters. Two because Corbusier's philosophy was that ' there are always two sides to a question'. We descended to the sunken courtyard designed as ' pit of contemplation' where the public affairs would be discussed. It appeared more to us as a place, hidden in view, where cult meetings would take place. We could imagine cult leaders addressing their followers from the podium. Corbusier designed the place so carefully that a person won't need a microphone, but the acoustics of the place will handle it all. And it was while sitting there, clicking weird pictures that one of us squealed that the Hand is moving! Yes, we didn't know it till then that the Monument is mounted on a ball bearing. It allows it to turn with the wind, not aimlessly, to express what life really is, constantly moving. The true and simple meaning of the Open Hand is to Give and Receive. Symbol of Faith in the world of Catastrophe. You don't need knowledge of symbolism in architecture nor longer than a day in Chandigarh to become familiar with the Open Hand and its authority in enhancing the brand name of the city. Also interpreted as a flying bird, for the citizens of Chandigarh, it is symbolic of freedom, freedom to be who they are and what they can do.

Open Hand, also identified as flying bird HIGH COURT AND ASSEMBLY BUILDING Till the time we were sitting there, two surveillance conveyances had already come to check in on us. The barbed-wire-and-jeep-patrolled perimeter was enough to dismay us. So, after spending a significant amount of time in the pit of contemplation, we walked to the High Court, hopeful that no one will catch us. Since the officer had warned us not to wander anywhere near the other buildings, we gratified ourselves by clicking pictures with the architectural marvel, as a proof that affirmative, we had visited the much-celebrated building.

Sculptural architecture with rhythmical brise-soleil and a floating roof Though Corbusier conceived the entire complex as the head of the new capital, looking behind us, we could not see any of the city. Lush trees and extensive landscape surrounded us, with no building in sight. The only structure visible was the sculptural hill that Le Corbusier had designed for the Assembly Building, at the Southernmost part of the complex that divides the city from the Capitol Complex. Returning back to the security booth, the army personnel had changed. The camoed officer flicked through our identity cards. On sight of State Maharashtra, he apprised us of his roots there. Like true Indians, meeting in a foreign country, we exchanged greetings. "Aree tumhi pan, mi pan!" There is no greater happiness than meeting a person speaking your language in a state where the language and people, both are alien! We witnessed something on our way to the main road which you would never expect in an urban area. In the darkness of the night, the landscaped areas along the sides of the road started glimmering of golden speckles of dozens of fireflies. We stood there unable to believe. And then, suddenly it started sparkling all around. What joy such brilliant tiny moments can bring! We didn't fear, we dare. This is what women do everywhere. It turned out to be a successful girls going. And that was an end to Chandigarh but a perfect beginning to a great travel story. Read the full article

#Chandigarh #Travelog

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