#I lost several thousand words of my book last night and now tumblr is losing my writing :

[fortheheavenssake]

Love and Humour (LH) Anon

*** all submitted by Love and Humour (LH) Anon to @skippyv20. (much ❤️ ❤️ & 😆 😆, enjoy)

April 10, 2020

Dear Skippy, made with Love and Humour, not a grain of truth (or insight) in sight.

Meghan Markle has a ‘spring in her step’ after leaving the UK (Credit: Daily Mail)

ROYALTEE COMMUNICATIONS

Friday 28th March 2020

The Duchess of Sussex Podiatry Update

The Duchess of Sussex would like to thank the global public for the warm wishes received from 9 people. Follow up bunion surgery was a success and High Royaltee Heels (HRH) are once again allowed to be worn.

In addition, High Royaltee Heels (HRH) will be featured in strictly unlimited Splash News paparazzi images as The Duchess adjusts to life queuing for essentials such as scented soya candles, AA batteries for Darren Doll and chia seed salad dressing. Please be assured that the Duchess of Sussex has a new spring in her step as she steps springingly into spring.

Royal snub: Real reason Meghan Markle and Harry silent in wake of Queen’s historic speech (Credit: Express UK)

Our favourite two tone, tone deaf, mood trampler has been hard at work for at least 3 hours in the last month supporting the work of HMTQ, as promised via her exit from the BRF.

The dust mites had barely settled on her calligraphy pen before Scooby arrived home with an ink refill for her to get going. Unfortunately for Scooby the stationary shop had run out of royal blue glitter ink and his mistress was not happy with the shade of ‘peasant noir’ he chose instead. She chucked a cup of tea in his general direction and used half the ink to decorate his top lip with a Poirot-esque facial appendage. Thus whipped into quiet submission to seek permanent ink removal techniques she was in a position to impart some wisdom to HMTQ.

It was a frantic, boots to the ground, empowering, enlightening and de-gassing few hours for MM. The ink flowed across the paper as it was traced from a calligraphy A-Z underneath, the wine glass circles made pretty patterns on the pages, the phone rang once but it was only that chap from the council rejecting the petition for a Princess of Sussex. At the conclusion of this time, MM grinned with purple stained teeth satisfaction at the soggy 30 page tome. This was to be just another notch in her legacy - the Queens speech, at a time of crisis, calligraphically curated by Meghan Markle, HRH, Duchess of Sussex, Princess of Sussex. The speech was sent off toot-sweet to HMTQ.

A royal source has leaked that it is very hard to know the level of adulation to come. LG has indicated in his proof of receipt letter that a special recording of the speech will be sent to MM after its broadcast on the 14th May. She will look forward to commenting on her role in curating the speech at that time. Until then, MM wishes her privacy to be respected and has no comment to make.

Royal reading inspiration: Kate, Meghan and Camilla’s favourite books to entertain you during lockdown (Credit: Hello Magazine)

<excerpt from article for brevity>

Meghan:

Trinny and Suzanna - How to dress for your body shape (brick on sticks edition)

“My best dearest friend and confidant, the Countess of Wessex, was engaged by HMTQ to advise me on dress protocol and general demeanour in the BRF, I haven’t looked at it yet because I don’t need advice”

Jamie Oliver - Pukka Tukka

“This title grabbed my attention from the outset. I haven’t opened it yet but think it will have overly invaluable advice on how to tuck your moon bump into your knickers. I don’t wear knickers and, after one incident that I totally got away with, my moon bumps now have reinforced crotch straps so I will not need to read this book.”

John Campbell -The Iron Lady: Margaret Thatcher, from Grocer’s Daughter to Prime Minister

“I love this book because the title is nice and the photo on the cover is in black and white. My US team are reading it for me and writing a similar story ‘The Tungsten Tank, from Lighting Directors Daughter to … well something, they haven’t worked out the narrative yet.”

Lindsay Jill Roth - What Pretty Girls Are Made Of

“This is actually the best book in the world. I haven’t read it but the launch party was cray-zee. When you buy it via any outlet, be sure to include the promotional code ‘HRHMM’ so that you get a special marked up price with proceeds going to my charitable foundation xx”

Thank you so much. We need laughter especially in these times. Prayers, love, support and laughter…is what will carry us through….love this! 🙏🏻❤️❤️❤️😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

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April 15

Dear Skippy, a riddle interpretation made with love and humour in celebration of MM Anon returning. So wonderful MM Anon, thank you. Skippy, Thank You for being your usual wonderful self, and keeping that door open. This interpretation contains no truth and only fun. LH Anon

doctor gone batty………

Actual Dr Jane Goodall interview

“My colleagues at the Royal Society for the Protection of Bats were delighted with the arrival of a rare male bat pup. Like all pups born at the Royal Society HQ, he was named after a member of the BRF, this one was dubbed Prince Harry.”

“Since his release into the wild, Prince Harry is finding life outside of the Royal Society challenging. He is sighted almost daily near the Royal Society HQ and doesn’t seem to have yet ‘flown the nest’ so to speak.”

“Night tracking indicates that there is a recently acquired spouse on the scene who has restricted his hunting abilities. We are concerned that he has lost weight.”

“The spouse displays desperate flirtation and attraction techniques but all indications to date show that Prince Harry does not want his offspring to grow up like that, in the wild.”

“We have to bring him back into the fold of the Royal Society for this rare breeding line to continue.”

LA for dummies ………

INTERNAL MEMO - Sunshine Sachs LA Office

Action with urgency

Contact Splash News, advise client has received parcel previously delayed in UK under non-essential freight notice. Call time on location 1100 hours.

Contact Meghans Mirror, advise client will be dressed in Dorias hand me down yoga-wear (details to come). Pitch as ‘recycling clothes’ and tell them to get A into G with sourcing designer samples, it has been months now.

Contact upmarket baby shop, advise client will return goods, including feature baby pacifier for full refund after images published.

Contact Archewell Foundation, advise client appearance fee from shop is to be publicised as donation following boom in sales

All invoices and timesheet hours are to include the job code reference ‘MM042 - Dummy for her dummy’

Doctors Within Borders ……… social insistence …………

Following the epic success of her voiceover in ‘Elephants Without Borders’, PH has been caught out again pitching his wife’s talent in the hopes of furthering her A List career. In a phone call to the BBC investigative branch he was insistent that her expertise and contacts could be used in the planned documentary ‘Doctors With no Borders’. The documentary, conceptualised by writers who hang out on certain Tumblr blogs, focuses on medical professionals who have been paid off to endorse medical fiction. In regards to the segment about surrogacy cover ups PH was to have said “Oh yeah, she’s invested. I mean interested.”

hugs not bugs………

“I was just cruising around, enjoying the musty odour of the building. I’m attracted to sparkly things so went to check out this headpiece, worst luck, it was cubic zirconia not real diamonds. Then it happened, I flew a little lower towards the face. I still have bad dreams about that close up view. I was trying to get away and she kept waving her hand around, it was like she was trying to catch and cuddle me against my wishes.”

Fly remembers the wedding of MM and PH

absolutely isolated

The new TV series, funded by O, features MM, a heavy-drinking, drug-abusing PR pawn who spends her time failing to lose weight and chasing bizarre fads in a desperate attempt to stay young and “hip”.

MM is joined by magazine fashion director JM, whose drug abuse, alcohol consumption and desperate promiscuity far eclipse MM’s.

MM is reliant upon the support of her half sister SM, an aspiring writer whose constant care of her immature sister has left her a bitter cynic.

The series also stars DR in a supporting role as MM’s dotty, sarcastic and often thieving mother who appears, usually in the background, in nearly all of the episodes.

Scooby as MM’s utterly brainless personal assistant also features in many of the episodes.

Only review

“I give this one star because it is real reality TV. I can’t give it anything more than that as the storyline is blatantly ripped off from Ab Fab. The title is a highly offensive play-on-words amid a global pandemic, but I guess it shows the same sensitivity as writing motivational messages on bananas for ladies of the night”

Kate. ……… “ not a whisper ma’am ……… St George’s chapel of course!!……………

Jeopardy MM Edition!?!

Answer: Kate

Question: Whose husband does MM most want?

Answer: Shout

Question: What initiative did MM try to hijack during her time in the BRF?

Answer: St George’s Chapel

Question: Where was MM when she realised that her game was up?

Oh thank you! Such fun! You are brilliant! We need the laughs for sure!😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

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May 10

Dear Skippy, a riddle interpretation made with Love and Humour. No truth, no seriousness, not a speck of speculation, just some ramblings to maybe lighten the mood for some today. Thank you MM Anon for the fodder! LH Anon :)

MM ANON ……… Rachel 43………… archificial 15 months ……… The high value real estate world is buzzing with speculation today after information was publicly sought to identify a tenant who has abandoned several properties, leaving hundreds of thousands of dollars in rent arrears. Multiple properties have been affected in locations such as Vancouver Island, LA and Malibu. The only clue, common to all properties, is a wall size chart, mounted by the door in the kitchen. There are two markings on these charts, both at 1.68m tall these are labeled ‘Rachel, 43’ and ‘Archificial, 15 months’.

hospitality will become inhospitable ………… the R factor ………… MM has announced her new super smart communications team, herself and a cabbage.

In unrelated news, a new book will be hitting the shelves this summer.

‘Finding a Freeloader’ is an R18 biopic, written by royal reporter Omid Scobie. “With unique access and written without the participation of of MM who lived under Scobies couch for 18 months, Finding a Freeloader is an honest, up-close, and disarming portrait of a cash-strapped, internet obsessed, and fat headed ex royal who is unafraid to break with tradition, determined to create a new path in the largest spotlight possible, and dedicated to building a legacy that will make a profound stain on the world.” reads an excerpts from the summary of the book.

“Henry, don’t do that”. …… Whispers from royal aides have let us know that HMTQ gave PH a ticking off inside the Windsor Castle bolthole they are residing. Apparently he was tinkering with a 3M home printer, wrapping it up to send over to MM. HMTQ is said to have right royally disagreed with sending her presents.

return to school??? …………… no guidelines …………… If you are at home and bored you can train online as a counsellor. Today I feel ________.

If you are at home and bored you can plaster a wall to make it look like your hubbys house. Today I feel ____smart_____

If you are at home and bored you can play with zoom video filters. Today I feel ___airbrushed_____.

If you are at home and bored you can read a book to your child. Today I feel ____damp____.

If you are at home and bored you can take the neighbours dog for a walk with an actor. Today I feel ____thrivin_____.

be alert,the country needs lerts………… MM and JM are hard at it again, drumming up business opportunities to stimulate their personal economies during these trying times. The newest initiative is bumper stickers. Chuck one on your car, slogan up your stroller, pimp your private jet, heck if you want to really get on board, slap a bumper on your moon bump and wiggle wobble that tum up to your audience!

A slight hiccup has delayed production of the stickers, the 3M home printer seems to have a malfunction which drops a letter from some words. Until this issue is remedied, the motivational bumper stickers will be available for a discount price of $143 + p&p

“Money can’t buy rust”

“The sign of a beautiful person is that they always see beauty in oters”

“The key to success is to tart”

risk assessment!!! ………… an issue of safety ………… it’s the economy,stupid!! ………… Very exciting news came for MM via a low rent TV shopping channel!! She has been asked to front one whole segment, approximately 19 minutes long for their buy 3 get 11 free homeware extravaganza! She is so excited, knowing that this is just one step from Oprahs couch, a short leap away from becoming the next Shakespeare, a stones throw from presidency! A minion provided all the information needed over the phone, he unfortunately had a small speech impediment but this didn’t stop MM from listening intently to the bits of the conversation that interested her.

It was a busy preparation day. MM mused what to film. The minion had mentioned that a whisk assessment would be a good idea in the current covid climate but what whisks had to do with a virus she wasn’t sure. She settled on making a homemade wedding cake. JM emailed the recipe for the one she made the day before MMs wedding, Archie took the car and collected 3 whisks, Doria converted her basement to a kitchen studio, TM dropped off some lights, Scoobie cried and did her makeup, MA took the dogs for a walk and SS called about her outstanding bills.

And all was ready.

Whisk One 0/10 - basic egg whisk

MM could not get it out of the hard plastic packaging and was unable to test it.

Whisk Two 0/10 - fancy dough whisk

MM forgot to buy ingredients and was unable to test it. By the time Archie returned from shopping she had left the premises to pap walk.

Whisk Three 0/10 - electric whisk

MMs wig was caught in the blades of the whisk.

The segment was cancelled.

test, Trace and isolate. ………… a silver lining 🌈🌈 Sugars are calling MM a silver lining in this pandemic as she continues to translate official advice into a format that they understand. With new guidelines announced overnight, MM has been burning the midnight oil to get a new video out for them. Offical transcript below, video will be emailed via offical spokesperson once heavy doctoring is complete.

MM: Government guidelines show that we need to follow these simple 3 steps - Test, Trace, Isolate - to help in the fight against covid-19. I love to shorten things, I make things so much more relatable. Did you know that I call my husband ‘H’? No? Well I do and he is my husband and me and him are together and have a kid OK. Anyway, back to this virus, Test, Trace, Isolate! To make it easier for people to remember I have shortened the steps, T - T - I or as I like to call them ’TTI’s’. My titties are now trademarked and copyrighted so spread the word and lets get the use of them bankrolling some money in for me! Stay safe and follow my titties everyone, they are magical!

MA: Bravo!

Oh thank you so much! Much needed laughs today! Such a joy! You always brighten Mr. Skippy’s and my day! We love these. Thank you!😊❤️❤️❤️❤️😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

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July 9

Dear Skippy, here is an MM Anon interpretation made up with Love and Humour and plenty of un-reality. All entertainment with no truth here. Thank you so much Skippy and MM Anon for the fun :) Much happiness to everyone here, LH Anon

girl up the creek………hostage man. ………… half free meal………… drug exposure …………… … Meghan Markle and Michelle Obama Are Joining Forces - Both women are set to speak at a gender equality summit later this month.

MM, currently the Duchess of Sussex and former HRH, will feature in a video possibly made by her and unrelated to any content provided by MO in a groundbreaking word salad covered in a virtual salad dressing of topics

How to carve your own canoe paddle from dead wood

Creating the ultimate free loaded captive environment for spouses in a long distance situation

Debunking the myth: There is no such thing as a free lunch, you can have your coke and eat it too

Scrub the internet 101: The chemical way

staff redundancy at HMTQ …………… HMTQ has announced plans for several staff redundancies, to be actioned between now and the end of this year. These include, but are not limited to, LG, PH and the entire ’Sussex’ household support. When questioned about the redundancies, the royal spokesperson refused to be drawn as to reasons or whether the staff would be re-deployed to other roles. In an unguarded moment the spokesperson was heard to mutter ‘tick tock, boom’ leading to speculation that the scheduled maintenance of royal clocks and cannons was a preoccupation.

boarding rules …………… most popular royal ……………… They grow up so fast! Archie Darren Doll off to boarding school. MM has had this important decision underway for a long time. Shunning the ‘toxic environments’ that exist in royal educational circles, she is delighted and certain that this will be the most popular decision she has made yet. The boarding space has been booked since before Darrens conception at $30 per month (reduced to $0 a month for patrons) at the ‘prestigious Mayhew’ outfit.

mines a cider……… In breaking news, PW enjoys cider and chips in Norfolk pub beer garden. In unrelated news, MM has added another topic to her gender equality seminar

Brewing alcohol in lockdown; the perfect gift for the family member you want to have

( where’s pg 💜💜) …………… Scoobie has not seen MM in person for many days now, she refuses point blank to emerge from under his couch in daylight. Shrieking sounds have been heard in the dead of the night, marks on the walls indicate someone with a greasy wig is repeatedly banging their head, the recycling bin is mysteriously filling up with wine bottles and some weirdo called Marcus keeps leaving voicemail messages on the landline phone about paying a debt. It must have been a week ago when Scoobs found a post-it note on the kitchen table when he woke one morning. It was very cryptic,

‘Get onto the panda, find PG, source W Cream, doc bill unpaid”

He is having difficulty working it out but is keeping himself, boots on the ground, busy trying, he went to the zoo but it was closed because of covid-19

In unrelated community news,

Toys R Us have issued a trespass notice to a member of the public for refusing to pay for a soft animal toy after it was soiled by a customer repeatedly sitting on top of it and taking selfies.

Numerous police have been approached in recent days by a male of indeterminable age who has requested a ride on top of their vehicle. None agreed. A referral is pending for his psychiatric assessment

The local supermarket has placed a ‘2 per customer limit’ on teabags after an unidentified customer purchased their entire stock of the popular brand PG Tips

The Department of Conservation has issued a public statement that threats to sue have been made against them, which will be rigorously defended. It is said that a concerned member of the public has accused them of having an unpaid invoice for ‘humanitarian work’ carried out in a secret place at an undetermined time.

”it’s Balmoral Philip, but not as we know it) …… out of his Depp-th… Due to a confidential threat to the family, HMTQ has beefed up surveillance and security at most royal properties of late. PP and HMTQ enjoy tapping into the new systems and are taking great pleasure in observing the nightly actions of one individual via underwater CCTV footage. He slinks out to the edge of the lake in darkness, wearing jandals, jeans and an open necked shirt. Each night he tries to scuba dive his way into the estate. Encountering steel mesh each night, it is only a matter of time until he tries to breach the area where PP commissioned his sign ‘Bog Off MA, we have your f***ing picture’.

“ more 🎼Braziiiiil🎼…………… Spanish flu?? ……… 🎼we’re all going on a summer holiday 🎼 HMTQs favourite ‘for fun Phillip’ insect infiltration agent has been dispatched to LA. Layovers for wing rest were authorised in Spain and Brazil. Fly is reported to have arrived safely with only a minor cold due to flying at altitude. Mission: ultimate MM annoyance for summer months.

Oh oh….my sides! Oh you are too funny! Omg! My pups are looking at me like they must call woof-woof-woof…..Mr. Skippy begging me to stop reading….half rolling on the ground…..daughter and SonIL asking if we need an ambulance……such great fun….oh…and cat screaming he called for one! Thank you so much! You made my night! Love to you!😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

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