#I saw my father's anger and my mother's discontent and my brother's self loathing and my friend's yearning.

[spocks-kaathyra]

"ur repressed" okay well have u even considered that emotions r purposeless and only serve to cause harm to those around u and I have achieved a unique transcendent state beyond them. have u considered that

#joking but like. am I wrong though #yeah no one is able to overcome the inherent human flaw of emotion and anyone who thinks they can is in fact mentally unwell #except for me I'm built different I have actually managed to transcend emotion. this is a good thing and not a problem #I saw my father's anger and my mother's discontent and my brother's self loathing and my friend's yearning. #and I saw how it only made everyone more unhappy. and I decided I would be above them all and never let my emotions rule me. #I was scared of the dark until I realized that fear wasn't useful to feel. so I stopped feeling it #this is a good thing and I am a paragon of mental health I think #mmm alternatively I was made to play mediator in a family of traumatized ppl and learned to repress my emotions to the point of dysfunction #but I prefer to think I'm enlightened and have no problems. this is fine and will not blow up in my face #anyways. just now realizing that this might stem from my childhood. oops #also realizing that I'm probably not aro and I just learned to turn off romantic attraction bc I saw how miserable it made my friend?? #well. I still don't experience romantic attraction. but probably I should and I will if I ever sort out this repression thing. whoopsie #really she was ready to kill herself over some white guy and I looked at that and was like. nope. I'm never stooping to that level #mm might not help that my parents never loved each other and I never had a healthy romantic relationship modeled for me as a child #but still like really like what is the point. of having emotions. they're just not useful #oh hurr durr I'm angry at my friends for talking over a tv show. there is no way to act on this without damaging ppl and relationships #ohh I'm in love with this guy who will never love me back. THERE IS NO PRODUCTIVE WAY TO ACT ON THIS #literally emotions can only be destructive and I'm a better person for opting out of them #there are no downsides to being repressed! I can still feel positive emotions. I'm happy sometimes. sometimes I'm excited. it's fine #guy who is Unpacking Things live on ur dash. sorry #narcissus's echoes #vent