#I think gamzee perceives himself as a guy things happen TO and has very little concept of all the shit that he has directly caused to happe

[birchbow]

I've been doing a reread of PoF (I felt the call of the Clown Church. Or Heard the Honks of it.) And I have a question I'm curious about (and tried to search for but ~the search function is broken~, so feel free to ignore this) which is: it's mentioned that Karkat gets chucklevoodoos thrown at him a couple times, but it seems to affect him less and less and even the first time he got hit with them he seemed to bounce back fast. Is he somewhat immune to them (whether naturally or through exposure) or does he just stubbornly brute force his way through them? (which he was accidentally doing with his pupation? Lmao. I caught that he was apparently having symptoms of that for months this reread and almost lost my mind. No wonder he just started turning to goo.)

Also I am curious if anyone will ever realize just how many things Gamzee has just, uh, wound up and set into motion; he was the first person to encourage the Schoolfeeder Vantas rumors/perception, he talked to Rishet about Uderak, he set Bastil on Halore. I think it's hilarious and hope he never stops to be honest. (Also Kurloz later encouraging the rumors too because he thinks it'll piss Karkat off. Brother his Ancestor was a preacher, what did you expect?)

Anyways I just wanted to let you know that I love the fic and also The Church and all the Clowns in it. Sorry if this was super rambley.

RE: Karkat, it's six of one and half a dozen of the other! I tend to write seadwellers with very high psionic resistance, and I like to headcanon Karkat as basically the mutant who closes the hemospectrum into a loop. He's hot-blooded and physical small as a lowblood--especially because he grows as slowly as a seadweller. He's got no psionics of his own, like a seadweller, but also is as resistant as they are. He's also just. An incredibly stubborn, determined, angry little dude, and he WILL push through things via brute force especially once he's gotten some experience with them and they can't take him by surprise anymore.

RE: puppetmaster Gamzee, it's a happy accident of him being my main POV character, but I do find it incredibly funny. :D In a world of court intrigue and schemes, the guy who makes friends with people and wanders around asking questions sets a whole lot of shit in motion largely by accident! Not that he thinks he has pretty much any influence or authority. How could he?? He's just a wacky li'l guy! UoU

#ask time! #price of forgiveness #I think gamzee perceives himself as a guy things happen TO and has very little concept of all the shit that he has directly caused to happe #and to be fair: boy howdy has a lot happened to this guy lmao. but also. *gestures at all the things you just mentioned*

[gamzee-the-capricious-fanfic]

Chapter 5

The next day you can barely focus on your classes. All you can think about is your “date” with Tavros. You pester Karkat all day about what you should do and he is starting to get frustrated and annoyed.

“Gamzee! Just. Be. Yourself. Goddamn. I don’t know how many times I have to say it to get the fucking concept through your thick skull you fucking dipshit. I swear the message would get through to even the smallest insect. They don’t even fucking understand our language! That is how stupid you are being!” 

“Clearly being myself has gotten me absolutely nowhere.” You gesture wildly at yourself. “Apparently this motherfucker only gives off ‘lets be friends and only that’ vibes!” You pull at your hair in frustration. “Why am I like this!”

“Dude, fucking chill out before you give yourself a seizure or something.” 

You gasp. “I didn’t even think about that! What if the movie has a bunch of flashing lights!!! I heard that I should avoid movies with flashing lights if I have seizures. Motherfuck that would be motherfuckin embarrassing as shit!”

“Wow, your only worry is getting embarrassed is it? Not the fact that seizures are a very serious thing and can lead to you being seriously hurt or like you could die but yeah, don’t want to seem less cool of course.” Karkat sighs. “Why am I the only one who takes this seriously. 

“Bro, the way Tavros perceives me is super motherfuckin serious.”

“Ok first off, do you have to say motherfuck in every sentence you say? Also I doubt Tavros would think of you any less if that happened. Besides it would probably make you even more pitiable.” 

“Yes. But anyway so, what you are all up in putting down is that I should see a movie with a bunch of flashing lights so Tavros gets all motherfuckin worried about me? That is brilliant Karkat.” 

“Goddammit Gamzee! NO!” Karkat looks like he is about to explode and go on a serious rant but you cut him off.

“Kar I’m just joking I promise!” you chuckle. “I may look like a dumb motherfucker but I promise I’m not stupid.”

“You’re right you do look stupid. Like the most stupid, Imagine Trump, then put some clown makeup over that orange ass face and you are that stupid.” Dave chimes in. You didn’t even realize he was there with you guys. You glower at him. 

“What is a Trump?” You ask.

“Wow, uh like the current president. The one who isn’t Obama. We fuckin wish Obama was back. Brilliant person. Cared about the economy man. It’s all about the economy. Like imagine Obama, imagine him saying “the economy is bad” and we are all like “oh no!” but then he is just like “I’m going to fix it.” and you feel serene listening to that beautiful voice of his but then Trump waltzes in and just fucks it. Like literally, wrinkly dick right up in there. I don’t know about you but the economy with Trump’s dick deep in it is not a good economy dude.”

You understood none of that. You open your mouth as if to reply and nothing comes to you. Damn. Eventually you manage a weak: "Who is Ob-"

"Don't even finish that sentence." 

You look to Karkat for some backup or something but he's just smiling lightly at Dave with a red tinge to his face. You look back and forth between them and come to a realization. You give Karkat an exasperated look. "Bro, really?" 

He looks at you confused for a second then realizes that you know about his little crush. "Anyway Gam yeah just go for it, it's just a movie right?" He says that loudly with a fake laugh at the end desperately trying to change the subject. Dave raises an eyebrow but his face remains unreadable. His stupid face pisses you off. Yet also attracts you. Ah the complexity of black romance. Honestly you never expected to feel black feelings towards anyone. You never really disliked any of your friends to that point. Well, Vriska annoys you, you don't like how mean she is to Tavros but that is different.

 For the next few hours you agonize over this movie date. Should you take him to dinner? Is that too much? Then if you did where should you go? There's too many questions and Karkat is tired of you pestering him with said questions. You decide you might as well ask Tavros what he wants to do. Talkin is so much easier over text. 

 TC: HeY tAvBrO, wAnNa Go GeT sOmE wIcKeD aSs GrUb BeFoRe ThE mOvIe?

You wait staring at your phone screen. After a minute you get fidgety and so you get up and pace around the room biting your lip absentmindedly. It takes 5 minutes for Tavros to respond but to you it felt like forever.

AT: uH,,, yEAH SURE

Thats it. You waited 5 minutes for that. You groan in frustration. Ok, just gotta ask him where he'd want to go then. 

TC:  AnY pReFeReNcE mY mOtHeRfUcKeR?

Now you play the waiting game, again. You expected a quick reply since he just answered your previous text but you sure expected wrong. It takes a good 15 minutes before your phone finally goes off.

AT: nO PREFERENCE REALLY } : )

God dammit Tavros. Now you have to think of somewhere to go. You have literally little to no sense of taste, and you are supposed to pick a place. And you KNOW everyone has a preference. They say they don't but then you pick a place and then they are all up and like 'oh, not that place' and the cycle repeats itself. Alright, you gotta play that fuckin reverse card shit.

TC: WeLl T-dOg, YoU kNoW i DoN't AlL uP aNd HaVe A sEnSe Of TaStE rIgHt NoW sO mAyBe YoU sHoUlD pIcK. :o) 

Take that motherfucker. Now the pressure of choosing should be off your chest now. You receive another text. 

AT: oH,,, uH,,, mAYBE WE SHOULDN'T GO OUT FOR FOOD THEN,

For fucks sake. 

TC: We StIlL cAn, I jUsT wOuLdN't Be GoOd At ChOoSiNg Is AlL tAv. 

AT: uH,,, oK THEN, iT MIGHT TAKE ME A WHILE TO UH,,, dECIDE THOUGH,

TC: DoN't MaTtEr To Me BrO, tAkE aLl ThE tImE yOu NeEd :o)

 Finally, progress. You love Tavros but this whole date thing has got you on edge. You need to calm your shit. You try to think of something to do in the meantime but only one thing comes to mind. It’s time to get a little bit high. You know it’s not a great idea and Tavros would disapprove of this but It would soothe your nerves and that is what you need. You spend 30 minutes at your spot, you decided the place you first smoked weed at is now your place to go. It is quiet and peaceful over there so it is a good spot to go to get away from everyone because only you know about it. Now, it didn’t take you 30 minutes to smoke by any means but it was so calming to be there so you ended up staying longer than you intended to.  By the time you finally check your phone for the time you see it is 10 minutes before you are supposed to meet Tavros for your date! You curse yourself for being so careless and you start heading back to the dorm building. 

However, as you are heading towards the dorm building you get stopped by a group of trolls. At first you didn’t realize their intent was to stop you but as soon as you tried to go around them they circled you. There are 5 trolls, at a quick glance they all appear to be blue bloods. You give them a lazy smile, as if you are not worried at all. Of course you are not stupid, they want to cause trouble and you are prepared for that but for now you just say: 

“What can a motherfucker do for y’all?”

They are all giving you dirty looks, disgust even. The leader, at least you assume so, steps forward. 

“I just want to know how a disgusting runt of a highblood like you didn’t get culled.”

You laugh, “Well seeing as me and you are around the same height how does that make me a runt to you exactly?” 

He ignores that. “Just look at you, weak, stunted, and you look practically skeletal. Not to mention your sopor addiction. What fucking idiot would come up with the idea to consume that?”

“Look, I got somewhere to be motherfucker, you can spout all the hate you want but maybe at a later time.” You are getting impatient, Tavros must be wondering where you are. 

“Wow, you are as stupid as you look huh. You aren’t going anywhere ‘motherfucker’. We are going to do you a favor and just pity cull you.” 

He gestures to the others and they start advancing towards you. He looks so cocky and sure of himself. “We will see about that then.” Your smile widens, almost predatory. It is very slight but you swear you see a flash of fear in the lead troll’s eyes. One of the trolls decaptchalogues his weapon, a serrated edged blade, and leaps towards you. You casually step aside dodging his attack. You grab the back of his shirt as he trips past and lifting him with ease you throw him at one of the trolls trying to attack you from behind. The remaining three still standing realize that coming at you one at a time will not work. They rush towards you all wielding different kinds of blades. You decaptchalogue your clubs and use them to deflect the blades then you kick the troll in front of you, the leader, in the stomach and he collapses heaving. You grab the arm of one of the remaining trolls pulling her towards you unbalancing her before you slam a club down on her arm breaking it. She drops her blade with a scream. The other one who rushed you stabs towards you and you just barely move out of the way getting nicked slightly on your side. He smiles triumphantly before you grab him by the hair and slam a knee into his face effectively knocking him out. You hear movement behind you but before you can move you feel a sharp stinging pain in your shoulder.

“MOTHERFUCKER!” You hiss in pain and look to see an arrow lodged in your shoulder. Now you are fucking pissed. You whirl and snarl angrily at the troll who shot you. His face pales seeing you enraged. You advance towards him and you can see him shaking, frozen with fear. You stand in front of him now and you grab his bow from his shaking hands and you snap it in half. The terrified troll whimpers and stutters. “P-p-please don’t h-hurt me. I-It was all Xaleeb’s idea!” He points towards the leader troll who was just starting to get to his feet. “I don’t give a flying fuck bro.” You punch the fucker in the face, knocking him out. Everything screams in you to kill these trolls but you keep yourself in check just barely, never again do you want your rage to run wild. You look towards the lead troll and growl. 

“If you know what is good for you motherfucker I would get the fuck out of here.”

He glares at you eyes full of hate. “This isn’t over highblood, watch your back.” 

He and the other conscious trolls run off leaving those who are unconscious. You captchalogue your clubs again and check your phone, you are almost an hour late, the fight felt so fast how the fuck did the time fly by so quick? You groan then wince as your shoulder throbs reminding you of the arrow stuck in your shoulder. Goddammit. You rush back to the dorms ignoring the shocked looks, yeah you have an arrow in your shoulder and you are bleeding, so what. You are panting by the time you open the door to the dorm. Dave, Karkat, and Tavros look towards you, Karkat stands looking angry and as if he is going to tell you off before he notices the arrow sticking out of your shoulder and his face turns to concern. “Sorry I am late Tav, got a bit hung up for a moment.” 

Karkat sputters for a moment before finally finding his voice. “Hung up for a bit!? Gamzee you have a fucking arrow in your fucking shoulder!” 

You ignore that and walk up to Tavros, he looks as though he had been crying. You gently cup his face with your hands and you can see fresh tears forming in his eyes. Before you can stop yourself you lean down and gently kiss him. His lips are just as soft as you imagined them to be but all to soon you back off now worried about his reaction. 

“Ah, shit bro sorry, I couldn’t help myself.” 

Your voice trails off and you can’t look at him. You totally fucked up, this isn’t the way you wanted to do this. Tavros gently grabs your arm and you look at him confused, he pulls your arm down and towards him making you stoop slightly before he kisses you. You are sure you are blushing profusely, if you didn’t know any better you would think you were dreaming but the sharp throbbing pain in your shoulder tells you otherwise. When he pulls away you can see that he too is blushing profusely. You chuckle softly and Tavros giggles looking hella cute. 

“Uh, sorry to interrupt your little red fest but Gamzee you are literally fucking bleeding out onto the floor in case you forgot!”

You grimace, yeah, that is true. Tavros looks at your shoulder worry written all over his face. 

“Uh,, you should probably get that looked at Gamzee.” 

“Don’t you worry Tavbro I’m sure I’ll be ok.” He doesn’t look convinced. He looks to Karkat for support. 

“All right Gamzee, you are coming with me.” Karkat grabs you by the arm and pulls you out the door. You honk in surprise. 

Karkat practically drags you all the way to another dorm room down the hall from yours. He knocks impatiently. It takes a second but Rose answers the door.  

“Hey Rose, can you get Kanaya for me?” Rose looks at Karkat then at you, her eyes drifting to the arrow poking out of your shoulder. 

“Sure.” 

Rose goes back into the room leaving the door open a crack. You can hear her call for Kanaya and then some soft murmuring. After a second Kanaya comes to the door. 

“It seems you had an accident Gamzee?”

“You could say that.” You smile sheepishly. 

Kanaya gestures the two of you inside. “May I ask why you have an arrow in your shoulder Gamzee?” 

“Just a little altercation is all. Not too big of a deal.” You shrug then wince and curse as a sharp pain runs through your shoulder, ok, best not to do that. 

Kanaya tuts watching you. “If you say so, let’s see what we got then.” Kanaya gestures for you to sit and you do so. She grabs a black case and opens it. Inside there looks to be both sewing utensils and first aid. She then looks closely at the arrow in your shoulder and hums. “It appears luck is not on your side Gamzee. This arrow has barbs all down the shaft of it so it is not going to come out easy. I may need some assistance.” 

You groan, “Of course the motherfuckers used barbed arrows, cowardly little shits.”  

Kanaya types on her phone for a second and within a minute there is a knock on the door. 

“Come in” Kanaya calls. 

The door opens and Equius comes in. “I heard you needed assistance highblood.” 

You give a crooked smile, “Seems so, I guess pulling a motherfuckin arrow out of my shoulder by myself is unadvised.” 

He perks up at the mention of an arrow, he always was obsessed with archery even if he couldn’t do it himself on account of his ridiculous strength. He approaches you and studies the arrow “It is a good quality arrow, I would presume a higher blood owned it?” He doesn’t give you time to answer before he goes on. “Though it is unfortunate they used barbs, cowardly really.” He starts rambling about what type of arrows a respectable troll would use but you zone it out. You watch blood ooze from your shoulder wound. You think it’s quite a motherfuckin beautiful sight really. You imagine painting with your own blood, first just an image but then you think about how you could paint miraculous designs on Tavros, imagining the cool toned purple blood on his more warmer toned gray skin, fuck that’s hot. You shake your head clearing out that weird fantasy and focus again on what’s going on around you. Apparently Equius had been calling your name a few times. He sounds very exasperated. 

“Shit sorry bro, got a lil lost in my own thinkpan for a second.” He gives you a disapproving look. 

“Like I was saying Makara, I am going to break the head off of this arrow, it may jostle the wound.” He waits seemingly seeking permission. 

“Go ahead bro” 

He nods then grips part of the arrow sticking out from your shoulder to steady it, the action causes a sharp pain in your shoulder but you do not react. He then quickly snaps the head off the arrow, the movement of that causing you to hiss in pain. 

“My apologies highblood.” He is starting to sweat a bit profusely. 

You wish he would stop calling you that but with all the times you’ve told him to stop it, so far it has not worked. “It’s all up and just fine bro, just can we get the motherfucking thing out of my shoulder now?” 

You would really like nothing more than to get this over with and hang out with Tav. Equius nods and steps slightly behind you now placing one hand on your shoulder trying not to hurt you and the other grips the back of the arrow. “This will hurt, a lot.” 

And with that he rips the arrow out of your shoulder. The pain is intense and you can just feel the barbs shredding your flesh, you cannot help the scream that comes ripping out of your throat. Then your body locks up and your vision fades, the last thing you hear is: “Oh fiddlesticks.” 

#Chapter 5