#I wasn’t diagnosed till later on but after hs I went to college I took a break and then went back and worked hard also had a full time job

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im gonna vent in the tags

#i had my first bipolar episode when I was 13 #I wasn’t diagnosed till later on but after hs I went to college I took a break and then went back and worked hard also had a full time job #I was manic during that time and not medicated #it was bad #I burnt out and my body started to break #I got addicted to pain pills #ended up oding and shit got sober back on my meds #felt manic a bit #thought it was bc i was detoxing off drugs #turned out my bipolar was going off the rails #started to get really bad #had a psychotic break over Christmas #my old meds guy mentions getting on disability #still bad trying to find the right meds #go across state to big city looks into electroshock therapy #googling mental hospitals to go into #in and out of the er weekly #find something called tms kinda like est #old meds guy gives up on me #treatment place doc takes me on #treatment helps some no longer catatonic #I’ve done four treatments in two years #im useless #i can’t do anything #i take so many meds to just be somewhat stable #I was manic a week ago and now I’m depressive #this shit hard okay #god I just want a hug #pls send me hugs #also all this happened over 5 years and I’m still not better