#I went to bed around 1am and woke up at 5am to pee and couldn’t get back to sleep and now it’s basically 6am

[tombsforteeth]

I know my younger sister has issues and has since a child, but fuck why should we have to pussy-foot around her on Christmas under her threat of “fine, I’ll just fucking go then” if she’s going to spend her time in a dark room on her phone?? If it wasn’t Christmas and for mums sake and it being the only day of the year that the whole family is together, I would pull have said fine fuck off. I’ll have to ask her when she wakes up. Like, go to a psychologist and heal whatever trauma it is you got. You’re not the only one with issues here, and should you really be moving in with your younger suicidal sister if you’re going to flip and be nasty like that? “I don’t actually care about any of yous” well you do otherwise you would have blocked all our numbers, not talked to us at all and not bought us actually really thoughtful gifts.

And to cap the night off was a strong disagreement with dad over whether or not shooting and killing your otherwise perfectly healthy dog because they kill chickens or wander off on a scent trail is okay. I think you shouldn’t kill animals for being animals that need additional training but “this is a farm, nature is cruel, and you live and you die”.

#toothy talks #maybe I’m just tired from another late night and not enough sleep #I went to bed around 1am and woke up at 5am to pee and couldn’t get back to sleep and now it’s basically 6am #my sister literally flipped into a shitty mood when I finally walked into the kitchen coz mum told her she pulled out the wrong type of bin #liner and mum don’t say it meanly or rudely she litterally said “that’s the wrong one” #amd dad was pretty drunk by that point and had a double shot of rum and of cause became defensive #I never said “you haven’t trained those dogs enough but I think he caught the drift #and then people got shitty at me for getting out here at 6pm because it ‘held everything up’ but like the elder of my sisters could have #done her dog sitting duties before we got out there so it’s not my fault #and we need to factor in Jacob spending time with his family before literally spending the night 30 minutes out of town with my family #or maybe I’m just upset because my period is literally hours to days away and I’m just being hormonal and sensitive but I also think it’s #valid for me to feel the way I do fuck it I’m getting up to walk my dog #oh and this is my first fully sober Christmas that I’ve gone through and now it’s over and I don’t even have cigarettes to give me dopamine #hits. maybe I can ask Viv for one but I also don’t want to break my streak.