#I wore it on the weekend for crying out loud it's not like I don;t use it!

[david-watts]

I wanna off myself again I hate this

#this isn't to even get into how dysphoric I'm feeling which is awful #but I'm angry again because the coat that I got from my grandpa is really nice and something I can wear without feeling shit about myself #like it's both gender and also goes with a lot of my things #'I'm going to give it away to someone who doesn't have a coat' #last time you fucking gave something away because 'you already have that sorta thing you won't miss it' she did not give it #to someone in need #and she doesn't even remember that because it was like a random thursday to her but devastating to me and my m*ther #partly because she violated our space #I'm having an awful time trying to stay on top of my paranoia in the first place #but having to deal with the paranoia she's going to burst into here and take my things again and she's gonna do it with my other stuff #and I can't have that all in one place so I can't easily keep track of things #I wore it on the weekend for crying out loud it's not like I don;t use it! #it's got things in the pockets and on the lapels and all which I don't think she'd remove which is awful too #I like being able to sleep and being able to leave the house and this is going to stop me from being able to #just because I happen to now have. goddamn options. when it comes to outerwear. not something I'm used to #and I feel bad about this like I'm being selfish. but. it's my things right.