#I'll probably end up without any courses this semester so I'll just rot away in this ugly apartment

[tardis--dreams]

I may have hit an all time low mental health wise but I'm being so chill about it

#just randomly tearing up/crying for like 30 seconds before i tell myself #no. it's not worth crying about it. you keep those tears inside your body! #my life might be falling apart right in front of me after i tried moderately hard to prevent that from happening #but i refuse to cry about it (more than i am in these random 30 seconds of intense existential despair washing over me) #i need a plan for the future. #step one. get degree. hopefully achieved by may #step 2. apply for internships and jobs #step 2.2. find job to earn money before getting an actual job #(i think my professor changed her mind and doesn't want to keep me as her assistant after all #i haven't heard anything back for ages and the contract was supposed to start again in may #so. let's see if i find something else) #step 3. leave this godforsaken town and university and never look back. don't think about what could have been #don't think about academic work ever again. just let go. it's not worth it #step 4. try to make life less miserable somehow lmao. (optional) #i want to tell my mother about this fucked up situation #just so i don't have to hide it anymore and pretend things are going as planned #but i can't #oh well #I'll probably end up without any courses this semester so I'll just rot away in this ugly apartment #i hate everything and everyone istg. but it's chill. i'm so. chill. about. this. #(yeah no i don't usually use that word that often. or. ever tbh. just another indicator just how chill things are.) #void screams