#Like Okay I could deal with being romantically broken hearted ive been surviving for over a year just fine but??? no family love hurt

[dirt-grub]

oh is it time to listen to bizarre love triangle and feel things? i guess it is

#every time my dad enters my home he makes me sad #like just. its not that hes mean or anything its just somehow i keep hoping for literally anything but like #every interaction is so completely underwhelming and dissapointing #like fucks sake ive been watching shit on my phone very obviously so he'll ask the simplest question of hey watcha watchin #nothing. nada. threatens to get cameras in the house bc i said idk who used up the paper towels. sick of this shit #CANNOT wait to see my aunt she's always been so loving #god cant wait... i wonder if my cousins will be home from school for the break #Like Okay I could deal with being romantically broken hearted ive been surviving for over a year just fine but??? no family love hurt #like its so damn frustrating! four people in this house and not one of them couldve turned out to be emotionally sensitive??? #my sisters cool but like. im not really a priority to her i can tell and we're not close #i was the worst of the kids growing up my other siblings didnt like me #okay im starting to go down a little bit of a spiral and i think its bc the sun is setting so im gonna chillax #like urgh it so hard to describe this feeling like #explaining it to someone whos family loves them theyd be like horrified but its not that insane its like #being love blueballed like im so close to a fucking MOLECULE of serotonin and i just cant get it #like oh my god. you ALMOST asked me about my day!!!!! PLEASE god do it i need it #and also like there is a deep sadness tied to it but its one i dont understand bc #its not like i had the family love and it went away ive existed without it and i know theres something fundamentally wrong with me bc of it #but i cant understand how it would feel to have it bc ive never had it. like it would be sad but i dont know what it is im missing #anyways gonna knit #knitting solves problems #connor talks