#Mom I'm addicted to industrial society | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

weebsinstash · 3 years

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Lol sorry for the unsolicited advice but have you thought about learning to program? You'd probably only have to do a year or two of study and then you'd be well set up to get a job that pays more and has better working conditions. Just a thought :)

Yeah, I've thought about learning coding or something since those jobs are always hiring! I dont know if I would be competent at it though since I dunno, im shitty at math and sometimes my memory can be kind of poor

Though I'm going to be honest and say that for many years I have only planned on living for a temporary amount of time and I've been thinking that way since like uhhhhhhh early elementary school and. I still feel that way all these years later. so. sometimes it's like 'why are you worrying about a career? You're gonna die, bitch!"

It's kind of a comfort, really. It's hard to explain. It's easier for me to think "when things get hard i can just kill myself and be done with it forever" rather than worry about what I'm gonna do in the future, do for food, do for work. Everything is broken anyways. I was on disability and they took it away during Covid because "oh you have a job and you're working now so we feel like you've improved!" even though I would wake up sobbing about not wanting to go to work and contemplating suicide every other week and I only went because I literally had to. You have to fight to prove how sick you are so they'll reluctantly help you and the second they decide you don't deserve that help anymore, they're happy to take it away

I dunno. Maybe I'm just in a funk and I'm all gloom and doom because I'm an addict and I'm out of weed and I've been drinking. I constantly sway back and forth between "well I'm going to die anyways" to "well I guess I'll just keep on keeping on" but it's been a very very long time since I have actually wanted to be alive so. It's kind of hard to know what to do with that. My therapist doesn't really know anymore, and I don't think my new medicine is making a difference and I kind of just stopped taking it anyways

I dunno, I'm sorry to turn this into something majorly depressing. That's just how it is. We're born to work and pay bills and pay taxes and then we die. We fight like hell to try and elect people we think may make our country and our lives better and someone is always taking bribes and handouts and it's all about money. Why save the planet when Big Motor needs us to keep buying cars and oil and our entire society is built on constantly throwing away plastic and we spent a trillion dollars terrorizing the middle east and it turns out the afghan military was literally just sitting back and doing heroin while American soldiers killed thousands of civilians and the whole war was really just an excuse to feed money to the military industrial complex by buying their surplus of weapons which are now in the hands of the actual fucking taliban and even an American Supreme Court recently ruled that hey Nestlé you aren't even liable for using slave labor for your chocolate because the slavery isn't in the US and that's ok!

And it may seem like I'm just rattling off a bunch of random bullshit and I kind of am but. It's all broken. Our planet is dying. Our society is collapsing. Homelessness and poverty is increasing. Coronavirus was basically used as eugenics to kill off loads of poor and disadvantaged people and while the capitalists scoop up the ruins of the empty real estate that used to be a mom and pop store to turn them into Walmarts and Home Depots we just get told "if you're struggling, it's something YOURE doing wrong!"

I just don't want to be here anymore quite frankly. I'm just gonna sink back into my escapism and try and forget where I have my vicodin and muscle relaxants hidden

#i quit my job my mom is impulse buying a beardie i have no money there are fucking slugs in my new bioactive like #i could make a list of every manic thought and worry i have right now but im just burnt out.#tw suicide mention #hell sometimes i overshare my emotional state just in the off chancd i finally go through with it and you guys can know what happened to me

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