#Rocket is the Cookie Monster of the apes

[hotchocolatefanfics]

Planet of The Disney Apes

The following is a humorous one-shot of some of the PoTA characters reacting to the news of being bought by Disney and the possible fourth movie while poking fun at the characters. Doesn’t really follow the usual setting for the PoTA universe, just something random to laugh at.

Enjoy!

~~~~~

Thump! 

“ Allie like tea?” Bad Ape asked his plush alligator (which he apparently named it ‘Ali’…Of course he’d give that old thing a name) as he offered it a plastic tea cup.

Thump!

“Why isn’t there anything good on to watch?” Complained McCullough, as he flipped through the TV stations.

“Looney Tunes is on.” Suggested Preacher, though he looked uncomfortable sitting on the couch next to the Colonel.

“That’s for children.” McCullough remarked. “Besides, it might give Donkey and One Eye ideas.”

Caesar wasn’t sure why he was so annoyed. The longer he sat on the floor, the more he wanted to break something…Particuarly, McCullough’s skull…But wait, he always felt like doing that!

Hmm…Then maybe what he wanted to break was the blasted tea set that Bad Ape had found and insisted on having a Tea Party with his plush alligator…No, that’s too mean!

All Bad Ape did was invite-no! Drag him and Winter into playing with him…To be honest, Caesar didn’t object because he couldn’t find a good reason not to.

Besides, Rocket was baking cookies and offered to give them to Bad Ape for their little Tea Party! Ever since the balding chimpanzee discovered the oven and the magic of cookie mix, he’s turned the kitchen into a cookie factory.

Caesar guessed that Bad Ape only invited Winter so he wouldn’t feel left out but Winter likely only said yes because he knew Bad Ape was, more than likely, the only one in the room who won’t manipulate him or try to kill him.

Thump!

No, it wasn’t the Tea Party or McCullough’s presence that was annoying him…It was Koba and Red playing darts….And using HIS picture as the target!

What will stop them from using the real thing? He wondered bitterly. Why does Red and Koba have darts anyway?…Why does Bad Ape have a Tea Set and why does Winter have a Barbie doll collection?

Preacher glanced around nervously, trying to think of another suggestion. “Ok, uhh…What about King Kong? That’s not for kids.”

McCullough snorted. “We’re living with King Kong, Preacher-and there’s more than one!”

Just then, the front door slammed open. “Father?!”

Blue Eyes.

Finally! Someone who doesn’t want to kill me or isn’t childish!

“Blue Eyes?” Caesar called back.

Blue Eyes ran into the room and paused at the scene before him. Eyes darting from his father sitting on the floor with Winter and Bad Ape, McCullough and Preacher on the couch and Red and Koba behind them.

“Uhh…What going on?” He asked.

Before Caesar could answer, Bad Ape exclaimed: “It a Tea Party!” Which, of course, prompted snickers from Koba and Red.

“You mean YOU’RE having a Tea Party!” McCullough corrected. “The rest of us are relaxing like REAL men!”

A bing suddenly came from he kitchen and then Rocket, sounding every bit like the ape-reincarnation of the Cookie Monster himself, squealed: “COOKIES!!!” Very shortly after, he appeared with a platter full of the chocolate chip goods.

Blue Eyes, still not sure what to make of the unusual scene, blinked. “…Ok…” Then he remembered why he was there at all. “Fox! Sold us!”

Now it was Caesar’s turn to be confused. “What?” He asked.

McCullough, barely listening shrugged. “So we’re moving studios. Big deal-“

“Disney bought us!!!” Blue Eyes blurted out., causing everyone to gasp. Even Koba and Red dropped their darts.

“Disney?” Caesar stood up, forgetting all about the Tea Party. “You mean the-?”

“Yes!” Answered Blue Eyes with growing panic.

“With the-“

“Yes!”

Caesar felt panic rising himself at that point. “Oh no…”

“They’re making. FOURTH MOVIE!!!”

If the others weren’t scared before, they definitely were now. The only one who wasn’t hooting like the other apes, or saying ‘no’ like McCullough, was Bad Ape. He picked up his alligator plush.

“What going on?” He asked it.

He made the stuffed animal turn to the others and back to himself and then shake it’s head. As if to say ‘I don’t know.’

Bad Ape hummed in thought. “Join in?” He asked.

He shook the plush up and down in a nodding motion.

“Ok!” Bad Ape replied before making panicked hoots of his own.

“Guys please!” Turns out, Preacher was the only one, other than Bad Ape who wasn’t panicking. “We don’t need to panic here!-We all know what happens when we panic!”

“Oh look who’s suddenly more than just a yes-man!” Snarked McCullough as he too stood up from the couch.

Preacher frowned at him. “So would you rather have Koba make a death list, Red pick up fights with everyone, Winter’s old phobias return, Rocket to eat all the cookie-dough ice cream we have, Caesar act grumpy all the time and sigh ‘why me?’ when he’s alone and you to drink yourself into a stupor instead of talking about this like ‘real men’?”

That left McCullough speechless for a moment. “That doesn’t happen when we’re stressed-!”

“Not! Stressed!” Rocket interjected. Before inching his way back into the kitchen. “…Want. Ice cream. Now…” He added before disappearing back inside.

….Maybe they should stop buying the cookie mix and ice cream for a while…

Red suddenly noticed Koba was no longer with him and glanced around for the scarred bonobo. “Kob-“

Just as suddenly as Koba disappeared, he reappeared with two guns and handed one to the confused Red. “Get gun!” He yelled out, startling everyone.

“Koba, what are you-“ Koba answered before Caesar could finish the question.

“Going! To war! Kill! Mouse! Kill! All! Of them!”

Realization set in to what he meant. Caesar and Blue Eyes glanced at each other in fear and Winter, scared beyond belief, hid behind Bad Ape-who was busy eating cookies in the midst of all of this.

“Uhh, Koba?” Preacher’s past look of confidence was gone…Possibly due to the fact he was talking to the very ape who started the whole Human-Ape War to begin with. “Not to ruin your dreams of mass murder, but the Disney kind of rules the world and…Well, Mickey Mouse is their pet. If you kill him, I’m 99% sure you’ll get the death penalty AND be cursed a thousand times over.”

Koba frowned at him, looking as though he was contemplating adding the young soldier to his ‘death list’. “Stupid human! Am already dead! They! Can’t do! Anything! To Koba!” He then turned to Red. “Red. Follow?” He asked.

Red honestly didn’t know how to answer him. He still had more respect for Koba than he did for Caesar, and would still follow Koba but even he knew this was crazy. “…I…Don’t think we. Have enough bullets.”

Koba’s eyes went wide as he realized that was true. “Oh nuts!”

“It doesn’t matter if we fight them, Disney will likely ruin our franchise anyway.” McCullough fumed. “Look what they did with the Marvel and Star Wars franchise! They all suffer from Dead Horse Syndrome!”

“Colonel.” Caesar interrupted, trying to stop his rant-to no avail.

“And lets not forget all the ANNOYING songs and musicals, the cash-grabbing remakes and the worst of the worst! The Air Buddies!”

“Not Air Buddies!” Yelped Blue Eyes.

Koba growled, which made Red’s eyes widen. “You not plan. To kill puppies, do you?”

“No!” Koba half yelled at the rusted furred gorilla. “I kill! The MERCH!”

“…Red likes puppies?” Asked Blue Eyes, in a less panic voice.

Red’s face flushed before twisting into a scowl. “I’m. Allowed. To like things!”

There was an awkward pause before Winter, finally, said something. “…I like puppies too…And kittens…And cookies.” He finished by taking a cookie and eating it whole.

#pota #planet of the apes #planetoftheapes #red #koba #war for the planet of the apes #Caesar Blue Eyes #Rocket is the Cookie Monster of the apes #Disney owns PoTA now

[hotchocolatefanfics]

Funny PoTA One-Shots Notes

Lately I’ve been imagining the apes having random and humerous misadventures together (starting from when I posted an updated version of ‘Planet of The Disney Apes’ one-shot on AO3 several months ago) and finally got around to typing up some of my notes on it-some are based on that one-shot.

No plots yet, only character parodies/poking fun at the War apes and humans (I was going to put in giffs for each character but couldn’t find them all). Some characters have more notes than others as I didn’t keep track of it XD.

Caesar

- Always looks grumpy 

- Is actually always tired 

- Practically lives off of coffee 

- Never forgets traitors 

- Fair and reasonable, but can be hard and cold 

- Ignores The Colonel and Koba-but mostly The Colonel

- Considers humans and apes as equals 

- Really needs a vacation

- Overworked and stress 

- Family-orientated

- Tries so hard 

- Master of making a point 

- Malicious Compliance/Pro Revenge incorporated

- Tolerates tea parties and dollhouse playing with Bad Ape 

- Is truly a force to be recon with

Nova

- Is the human cinnamon roll  

- Gets away with everything 

- Loves dolls and signing 

- Is primitive but a lot smarter than McCullough thinks 

- Is an angel 

- Her theme song is the James Bond Theme 

- Is almost the PoTA reincarnation of Maggie Simpson 

- Is innocent but is cable of mischief

- Sometimes creeps Preacher out

- Loves tea parties with Bad Ape and Rocket, playing dolls with Caesar and making flower crowns with Luca 

Rocket

- Has a cookie addiction 

- Spends most of his free time baking/eating cookies

- Also works out like crazy 

- Will literally drop everything if he knew a friend (or his wife or son) needed him 

- Not too bright but is strong and brave 

- Amazing at reading people 

- Master at roasting his enemies AND baking cookies! 

- The ape-reincarnation of Cookie Monster 

- Very accepting and accommodating of others 

- Loyal to a fault 

- Can and will kickass

Koba 

- Is vengeful 

- Is murderous 

- Has trust issues 

- Has a gun collection 

- takes forever to get to know and gain his trust

- Is hypocritical 

- Actually does have a list of people he wants to kill (or want dead)

- Can and will totally start a coup

- Secretly really loves snuggles, tickles, hot chocolate, cookies and being tucked into bed at night

- Desperately needs someone to hold him 

- Has a weird sense of humor 

-Should really see a psychiatrist 

Red 

- Is insecure 

- Will put up with your sh!t (if he knows he can use it against you or if theres something in it for him)

- Doesn’t like talking about personal stuff (DO NOT mention his mother!) 

- Is aggressive and manipulative

- Can become violent when angry 

- Has a tendency to be explosive 

- Rarely smiles (some say he can’t feel happiness)

- Usually is only concerned for his own needs and wants (and survival) but is capable of thinking of others-just chooses not to most of the time  

- Isn’t used to affection and isn’t good at giving it or accepting it 

- REALLY hates his mother…

- Can and will slap/punch you in the face

- He and Koba BOTH should really see a psychiatrist

Colonel McCullough

- Has WAY too much time on his hands 

- Loves alcohol and will drink till drunk 

- Is drunk often and says the weirdest things when drunk

- Will start weird conversations and make anyone uncomfortable when drunk 

- Is sarcastic, cold and ruthless 

- Loves to pick on and make fun of everyone (but knows when he goes too far)

- Loves roasting others 

- Doesn’t give a f*ck about other peoples opinions 

- Loathes the fact that Disney now owns the PoTA franchise 

- Is prone to ranting endlessly about things he hates

- Is full of insane bullsh!t (is 50% evil, 50% crazy)

#pota #planet of the apes #planetoftheapes #Warfortheplanetoftheapes #Caesar #nova #rocket #Koba #red #Colonel McCullough #Everything you see is all a draft and I don't know where I'm going with it yet