#Shinji's already appeared in a ghillie suit in one of my fanfics

[thegreenfaery]

For the Ask Meme!: Kira: 🌱 - Do they have a green thumb or are they a plant killer? Hinamori: 🐒 - What’s their favorite animal? - Hisagi: 🍪 - How well can they bake?

I'm not going to lie: two of these answers came to me so quickly, it was brutal. I'll let you guess which ones.

Kira:

Firstly, let me explain that I am a firm believer in plants feeding off of the energy of their surroundings. There are studies that suggest they respond better to certain types of music (much like cows and chickens).

Now, I fully accept that my adoption of these 'studies' is probably wholly down to my personal confirmation bias (I am a pagan hedge witch, after all), and that Mr GF (The Scientist) would strongly dispute the 'evidence' and The Science behind them.

The point is that Kira Izuru, bless him, tries so hard to be a good plant parent, but any live flora unfortunate enough to end up in his care will inevitably die a slow, withering death, growing pale and sickly, until its straggly, weedy limbs give up the ghost for good.

The first time this happened to his kitchen herbs, Kira was frantic. Just what had he done wrong? He tried again, this time keeping the plants beside the window for full sunlight and following a strict watering regimen.

The mint's leaves curled, turned brown and crispy and fell off. The coriander turned pale yellow and droopy. They died.

Someone bought him an orchid. It flowered for a single season before the blooms fell off. The leaves turned yellow, and it developed these weird, squishy, brown tendrils. He cut them off*. It also died.

He does, however, have a cast iron window box of marigolds just below his office window, and they positively thrive. Whether this is because his work schedule leaves him little time to drown them like his houseplants, or because they enjoy their mascot status remains unknown.

Or maybe it's simply because marigolds symbolise despair and grief and Kira's aura of depression gives them the perfect spiritual sustenance.

I know what I'm putting my money on.

VERDICT: Do not employ Kira Izuru to babysit your plants when you go on holiday. They will never recover.

Hinamori:

Make no mistake, Hinamori Momo loves all small, cute things, but the day she discovered tamarins and marmosets whilst perusing the many dark recesses of the academy library was almost certainly a highlight of her school career.

There's the Emperor Tamarin.

Just look at his majestic moustache! And those tiny, little ears! And his little snub nose! He's adorable and magnificent.

There's the Golden Lion Tamarin:

I mean, if Renji was the size of a squirrel, this is what he'd look like. Glorious and just so shiny. Undoubtedly better at Kidō than the Sixth's Lieutenant, however.

And the Common Marmoset (Other Marmosets are available):

Just look at those tufts! Fabulous, darling, fabulous.

She also has a newly developing soft spot for kangaroos. They kind of remind her of Shinji: dorky looking, but also liable to fuck shit up.

Anyway, hopefully one day she'll be able to live out her dream and start a piece documenting her travels to far flung places in the Living World and the animals she finds there for The Seireitei Communication. Will Shinji want in on this? Absolutely. Will he attempt a David Attenborough-style voice-over? Yes. Will he don a cork slouch hat? Do I really need to answer that?

VERDICT: Let Squad Five start a nature documentary. Hisagi:

I'd just like to iterate that Hisagi Shūhei is a complete disaster in almost every respect. This man should not be allowed near a kitchen in any capacity.

He's the kind of person who would confuse salt for sugar; plain flour for self-raising; he'd use margarine instead of butter because it's cheaper. Everything would also carry a hint of engine oil.

Look, if he could cook, he wouldn't ever feel the need to demean himself by scrounging scraps from Ōmaeda's table.

VERDICT: No. For the love of all things sacred, do NOT let Hisagi loose in the kitchen.

Photos found on Wikipedia.Emperor Tamarin: By Brocken Inaglory, edited by Fir0002, edited by Brocken Inaglory - Own work, CC BY-SA 4.0, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=3075886 Golden Tamarin: By Daderot - Own work, CC0, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=20274492Common Marmoset: By Carmem A. Busko - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:Marmoset_copy.jpg, CC BY 2.5, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=2211044

#Shinji's already appeared in a ghillie suit in one of my fanfics #of course he's going to wear a cork slouch hat #bleach #kira izuru #momo hinamori #shuhei hisagi