#Stalkeyes Snippets

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Stalkeyes Snippets: Played You Like Chess

[After Ford learns of Bill's manipulations]

Ford: "FORGET IT! IT'S OVER! I AM NOT WORKING WITH YOU ANYMORE!" Bill: "Eh, it was a worth a shot. But how about one last game of chess, just for old time's sake?" Ford: "NO!" Bill: "Awwww, pweeeease?" Puppy-dog eye Ford: "………………………Fine."

[Twenty minutes later]

Ford: "HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE?! HOW ARE YOU BEATING ME?! YOU NEVER BEAT ME BEFORE!" Bill: "Oh, that's 'cause I was playing by the 'Stanford Pines Always Wins' rule. A little house rule to make it, yanno, an actual challenge for me. I could tell you've never played chess in your entire life, 'cept with that sweaty twin you kept whinin' about. An' he always let you win, so, yanno. Nostalgia." Ford: [F U M I N G]

#Gravity Falls #Ford Pines #Bill Cipher #based on the semi-popular fan theory that Ford has no clue how to play chess :V #Stalkeyes Snippets

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Stalkeyes Snippets: How To Encourage Overworked Money-Obsessed Old Men To Eat

Wendy: "Headin' into work, doot-doot-do-do, places to not be, things to not do-" Mabel: [Is putting those 90% cocoa chocolates in the cash register] Wendy: "Um, what are you doin', Mabes?" Mabel: "Oh hi, just putting chocolate in the cash register. As you do." Wendy: "…Chocolate money?" Mabel: "Nah, chocolate not-money. It's healthy chocolate, though! It's got, like, all of the cocoa." Wendy: "Oh. …Can I have some?" Mabel: "NO. It's for starved old men only!"

[Earlier, at the Pioneer Day festival...]

Stall operator: "HEY, that little girl is stealing all my candy!" Mabel: [Gasp] "How DARE you make such baseless accusations! You can't prove anything!" [She yells as she dramatically points and flings about six candies out the top of her sleeve]

#Gravity Falls #Mabel Pines #Wendy Corduroy #Stalkeyes Snippets

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Stalkeyes Snippets: Eye See What You Did There

Stan: [Pops his glass eye out and turns around to see his niblings staring at him] "…What? Oh, thoughtya knew already. Still, can'ta been that hard to figure out. Why d'ya think I added an eye patch to my get-up?" Dipper: "Huh. I thought it was like, that old pirate thing where you switch which eye has the patch so one of them is always adjusted for darkness." Mabel: "Don't be silly, pirates aren't real!" Stan: "Yanno, yer takin' the fact that I have an empty eye socket remarkably well right now." Dipper: "We've seen Mr. Tummy, nothing much can top that."

[Credit for the 'Stan has a glass eye' idea goes to @mother-ofthe-universe ]

#Gravity Falls #Dipper Pines #Mabel Pines #Stan Pines #Stalkeyes Snippets

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Stalkeyes Snippets: The Scottish Triangle

Dipper: "You know you can say Bill's name, it's cool." Ford: [Gets splashed by a passing car] "No, you really can't." Dipper: "What, say Bill's name?" Ford: [Garbage can falls over and hits him on the foot] "Stop saying it!" Dipper: "Saying what?!" Ford: "BILL! …Bah, now I've said it." [Gets struck by lightning] Mabel: "See, this is why I always call 'im the 'triangle guy' or 'isosceles jerk'." Dipper: "Or 'piss-coloured toblerone'." Mabel: "Shhhh! Grunkle Ford doesn't need to know about that one!" Ford: "What was that he said, Mabel?" Mabel: "Uh- peach! Peach-coloured toblerone!" Ford: "What on Earth is a toblerone?"

#Gravity Falls #Dipper Pines #Mabel Pines #Ford Pines #Simpsons references #Stalkeyes Snippets

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Stalkeyes Snippets: Low Grow

Mabel: "Yeesh. When did we turn into gross, hairy, stinky grown-ups?" Dipper: "Mabel, we're only 18. We're only, like, technically adults. We still can't buy alcohol. …But we can vote and buy guns in most states, soooo… dunno what's up with that." Mabel: "Blehhh. Not helping. Look at me, I'm huge. An' I had to shave this morning… shave! Can you imagine me shaving five years ago?" Dipper: "Way to rub it in," [idly flicks the sparse stubbles on his chin] "I swear you have even more body hair than me." Mabel: "Hehe, prob'ly. …Omigosh, what if…" Dipper: "What?" Mabel: "Okay, hear me out here. You've been chasin' weird stuff for five years now, but have'ya ever seen Bigfoot? No? PLOT TWIST - it was me all along!" Dipper: "Huh?" Mabel: "Yeah! With you gone, I'm totally just gonna go nuts and live in the woods, an' all this body hair's just gonna go 'whoooooooooooooop' an' I'll be the crazy Sasquatch lady of the wilds!" Dipper: "Hahaha! Heh… yeah, could be." Mabel: "An' who knows, maybe puberty's just been holdin' out on ya! Maybe you'll wake up one morning to find ya've turned into an EIGHT-FOOT-TALL MOUNTAIN MAN, with a beard that goes down to yer knees! An' then you'll go completely cray-cray tryin' to shave it all an' you'll come live with me in the woods, an' we can be BIGFOOT TWINS!"

Mabel would later write a children's book called 'Help! My Sister is Bigfoot!'

#Gravity Falls #Dipper Pines #Mabel Pines #Adult Dipper Pines #Adult Mabel Pines #Stalkeyes Snippets #Future Falls #This might become a new feature of mine because I kinda stopped all the other ones :V

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Stalkeyes Snippets: Like Grunkle, Like Grephew

Dipper: "Doot-doot-doo, doing math homework, doot-doot-doo, getting it out the way…" Mabel: "A-HA! You were doing that thing again!" Dipper: "What thing?" Mabel: "That thing when you sing to yourself when you're super-focused on a task, just like Grunkle Stan! Now yer never allowed to complain about me singing!" Dipper: "It's nothing like that, it's much quieter for a start-" Mabel: "NEVER, I SAY!"

#Gravity Falls #Dipper Pines #Mabel Pines #Stalkeyes Snippets

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Stalkeyes Snippets: My Cousin Grenda

[At the ticket stand during the events of Double Dipper]

Grenda: "LEMME IN, THIS DANCE FLOOR NEEDS MURDERING!" Wendy: "Oh hey, cuz. Sorry, wish I could talk more, but ya know. Fair warnin', though - Mr. Pines is charging exit fees, so you better murder that dance floor good." Grenda: "OH, IT IS GETTING ANNIHILATED! BY THE WAY, HAVE YOU SEEN MY FRIEND CANDY? SHORT, KOREAN, WEARS GLASSES? SHE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE SMUGGLING IN MY LIZARD!" Dipper: "I think I saw someone like that? She had a suspiciously shaky bag…" Grenda: "GOTCHA! PREPARE TO WITNESS A DANCE ATROCITY, BOYS!" [Rushes in] Dipper: "She's your cousin?" Wendy: "Yeah. My family's got some, like, giant genes or somethin'. That's what my great-grandpa says, anyway."

[Several weeks later]

Mabel: "Alright, was someone gonna tell me that Grenda is Wendy's cousin, or was I s'posed to just figure that out myself?" Dipper: "I assumed you kinda knew already…"

#Gravity Falls #Mabel Pines #Dipper Pines #Grena Grendinator #Wendy Corduroy #Stalkeyes Snippets #Based on my headcanon that Grenda is Wendy's cousin

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Stalkeyes Snippets: Critical Dissonance

Ford: "Gah, what do film critics know, anyway?! Waste of a career!" Stan: "That's rich comin' from you, Mr. I-can-see-where-R2-D2's-head-comes-off-so-the-actor-can-get-out." Ford: "How'd you know about that?! That movie came out after the- incident." Stan: "Ya watched it with Dipper, remember? He told me." Ford: "Did he now?" [Turns to face the poor kid] Dipper: "O-oh, heh… wouldya look at that, bedtime's only… two hours away, better go brush the ol' teeth."

#Gravity Falls #Dipper Pines #Ford Pines #Stan Pines #Stalkeyes Snippets

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Stalkeyes Snippets: Pubercchio

Dipper: "Finally, I'm a real teenager now!" Mabel: "Ah, but don't forget, a teen is still a child!" Dipper: "Just… let me have this."

#Gravity Falls #Dipper Pines #Mabel Pines #Stalkeyes Snippets

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Stalkeyes Snippets: Screaming Stars

Dipper: [Disconcertingly long and high banshee scream] Mabel & Pacifica: [Glare] Dipper: "…What? Don't look at me like that, it's a survival instinct. That saved us from extinction back in the stone age. It's a noble thing."

#Gravity Falls #Dipper Pines #Mabel Pines #Pacifica Northwest #Stalkeyes Snippets #I forgot to post these for four days in a row so have a whole bunch at once :V

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Stalkeyes Snippets: Wrong Genre Savvy

[Context: An AU where Dip & Mab knew about Stan's portal plans much earlier, and Mabel considered telling the gov't agents in NWHS what was going on, thinking it would help]

Dipper: [Facepalm] Mabel: "What?" Dipper: "Mabel, have you ever seen Alien?" Mabel: "No!" Dipper: "Okay, um… what about the original Godzilla?" Mabel: "No! You wouldn't let me watch the dub, remember?" Dipper: "AKIRA?" Mabel: "See prior statement!" Dipper: "Uggghhh… okay, James Cameron's Avatar. C'mon, I know you've seen that, you drew yourself as a Na'vi. A purple one, with glitter. Natch." Mabel: "Hehe, yeah." Dipper: "Anyway, what's the one thing you learned from that movie?" Mabel: "Space dinosaurs always beat guns, duh." Dipper: "Okay, the second thing." Mabel: "Ummmm… oh, disabled characters can save the day, too?" Dipper: "Yyyyyes, that's true. Third thing." Mabel: "I give up." Dipper: "NEVER GIVE WEIRD EXOTIC TECH OR MAGIC STUFF TO THE GOVERNMENT, THEY'LL ALWAYS USE IT FOR MILITARY APPLICATIONS AND BLOW EVERYONE UP OR SOMETHING." Mabel: "…I thought it was a corporation!" Dipper: "Whatever, same principle!"

#Gravity Falls #Dipper Pines #Mabel Pines #Stalkeyes Snippets

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Stalkeyes Snippets: Platinum Paz, Killionaire

[After Weirdmageddon]

Ford: "It's tempting to imagine, though, if things had been just a little different… if I hadn't been distracted while aiming the Quantum Destabilizer, would it have worked? It's impossible to say. Yet, I spent 30 years constructing that device…" Pacifica: "Psh, I could have 360-noscoped that Illuminati logo reject." Ford: "What was that?" Pacifica: "Nothing."

#Gravity Falls #Ford Pines #Pacifica Northwest #Stalkeyes Snippets #Paz being a gamer is actually canon #Look up the schmeb-you-unlocked page :V

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Stalkeyes Snippets: The Cheese-Tasting Phase

Ford: "You know, my boy, when I was your age I used to believe the old legends that the moon was made of cheese. I dreamed of building a rocket so I could fly up there and harvest it, and then perhaps sell it with Stanley, help finance the Stan O' War project. Of course, we now know that the moon is a shell for an alien listening device, but regardless, there was a dimension where the moon really was made of cheese. It… honestly, I could have done without it. Cosmic radiation doesn't go well with cheese as a good mayonnaise. And then I encountered an eccentric British inventor who'd stolen my idea, but unfortunately he had an exceptionally capable dog with him who sent me fleeing for my life. Some dreams are better left unrealized." Dipper: "Huh… this dimension wasn't made out of clay, was it?" Ford: "You bring up a valid hypothesis. It would explain why the cheese tasted awful."

#Gravity Falls #Ford Pines #Dipper Pines #Wallace and Gromit #Stalkeyes Snippets

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Stalkeyes Snippets: GifFany.exe

[After the GifFany incident]

Mabel: "Wow, that whole thing was like… didn't Soos say the video game lady, like, 'erased' the people that created her? Yikes. It's like somethin' out of one'a those lost cartridge creepy-spaghettis you used'ta watch." Dipper: "Ugh. Look, just because the game happened to actually be cursed this one time, doesn't make creepypastas real!" Mabel: "You're still mad at what happened on that forum, aren't you?" Dipper: "It's not my fault nobody wanted to use logic. And they were all twice my age! You'd think they'd know better!" Mabel: "Okay, but I just know that you're gonna exorcise all our video games when we get back home." Dipper: "No! …Maybe."

#Gravity Falls #Dipper Pines #Mabel Pines #GifFany #Stalkeyes Snippets

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Stalkeyes Snippets: Shermie's Shiners

Fidds: "Sweet jumpin' josaphat, what happened to ya?!" Ford: [Has a swollen black eye] "My brother came to visit." Fidds: "…Oh. What, ya mean the one who supposedly ruined yer-" Ford: "No no, my other brother." Fidds: "……..Yanno what, I don't even wanna know."

#Gravity Falls #Ford Pines #Fiddleford McGucket #Shermie Pines #Stalkeyes Snippets

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Stalkeyes Snippets: Not What He Seems Alternate Ending

Stan: "DON'T PUSH THAT BUTTON!" Dipper: "Alright, so we insert plug A into port B, then Mabel, you take plug B, I'll reach over to the wheel to open the long-distance hatch, then Soos holds it open while I run over to the opposite end of the room and turn valve C, this'll empty the left fuel tank to only half-capacity, we just have to figure out the right level to drain it through this pipe here, and- oh. Grunkle Stan…" [coughs awkwardly] Mabel: "Uh… don't push what button?" Stan: "You… you haven't even got to the button yet?" Soos: "Dood, this is even more complex than Portcullis 2. If it turns out this was designed by some mad professor CEO dood with the voice of J.K. Simmons, someone owes me money."

#Gravity Falls #Dipper Pines #Mabel Pines #Stan Pines #Soos Ramirez #Stalkeyes Snippets #Alternate title: if Ford designed the emergency shutdown measures #Because let's face it; that part was definitely designed by Fiddleford #Though he had to throw in a dramatic three-buttons-and-a-key ignition sequence as a compromise