#VERSE // MAIN: ARC II ❛ THE WASTED YEARS THE WASTED YOUTH

[hiemaliis]

she had sent richard two text messages before she had gotten her shoes and slipped into the darkness that had fallen over the opal quarter. the first message had been  i somehow don't think it's to confess your undying love for me  because sometimes, this was what she did: try to make light of things that were unsettling her. the second message had been a location, the --- by now --- vacated playground that was not far from her house.

sitting on the swings as she waited, fay almost mourned that she had kicked most nervous habit which left her with the sole option of tapping her foot because her braid was still  perfect  and that did not allow for any  hair twirling.

‘‘ there you are, ’’ she sighed as richard finally came into view. ‘‘ what is this about? ’’

@borealiis

#i dont have fitting icons for this so no icons it is #FH // THREADS ❛ AND IF I WERE FEARLESS I’D SPEAK MY TRUTH #thread: uncovered #borealiis #VERSE // MAIN: ARC II ❛ THE WASTED YEARS THE WASTED YOUTH

[hiemaliis-archived-blog]

@borealiis

ROME WAS ALWAYS  worth the trip. that was a statement fay was willed to sign on most days, but it was doubly true when she could  explore  the city without a guide breathing down her neck. as richard felt similarly, they had devised a shockingly  simple  plan to ensure that they would not be bothered by classmates and teachers during their day. she  was  known for her frail health, for the many sick days she had amassed over the time she had been a student at the academy --- and now, on the day when her class wanted to visit the vatican, it was finally something she could  USE.

❛ can’t believe that my bad health  finally  came in handy, ❜ she said with a scoff as she threw off her blanket and stood, her posture  slightly  less strict than usually. ❛ time to let the  actual  vacation start? ❜

#borealiis #FH // THREADS ❛ AND IF I WERE FEARLESS I’D SPEAK MY TRUTH #thread: roman holiday #VERSE // MAIN: ARC II ❛ THE WASTED YEARS THE WASTED YOUTH

[hiemaliis]

‘‘ the city it getting . . . lively again. ’’ for a moment, she paused as she absentmindedly stared out at her garden as she tugged on her braid. ‘‘ everyone is coming back --- it's much nicer to see faces i actually like on the subway. but let me guess, you don't share my sentiment. ’’

@s-extilis

#FH // INTERACTIONS ❛ I'LL NEVER TELL YOU HOW I FEEL #VERSE // MAIN: ARC II ❛ THE WASTED YEARS THE WASTED YOUTH #sextilis

[hiemaliis]

@borealiis | continued from here

half a century ago, she would have been shocked at the notion of being  glad  that richard had come back to town. for such a long time, she had ran from any serious conversation, had avoided it and deflected all attempts at remembering that they had not always been rivals. before they had been rivals, they had been friends. before he had began to annoy her with his pointy statements and pointier elbows, she had cherished him dearly. it was, as mortals would say,  complicated.

she could claim that she was happy that richard was back because it meant that noel was home, too, and that he could take care of auburn now, could find out why she had cracked and . . . help her mend herself. but --- her happiness about noel's return existed independent from the happiness she felt about richard's presence. sometimes, the knowledge that he embodied understanding for her was comforting instead of unsettling. she wondered if he felt the same way about her, sometimes.

‘‘ that sounds . . . productive, ’’ she finally responded as she looked down at her glass and cleared her throat softly. ‘‘ are you going to do your presentation in art next november about gaudi? i was thinking i might do mine about vermeer. the art museum had an exposition with his works, and they were . . . breathtaking. ’’

#FH // INTERACTIONS ❛ I'LL NEVER TELL YOU HOW I FEEL #VERSE // MAIN: ARC II ❛ THE WASTED YEARS THE WASTED YOUTH #borealiis #richfae wholesomeness incoming!!

[hiemaliis]

‘‘ soooooo. . . ’’ she dragged her words out, far beyond the point she might have been able to call necessary. ‘‘ another niece. should i start to feel jealous, dion? am i being replaced? ’’

@athensborn

#athensborn #FH // INTERACTIONS ❛ I'LL NEVER TELL YOU HOW I FEEL #VERSE // MAIN: ARC II ❛ THE WASTED YEARS THE WASTED YOUTH

[hiemaliis]

@diessolis​

‘‘ ---and that's my week. ’’ beatrice stopped, tugging on the sleeve of her nice sweater and leaned back in her chair. it was nice, she decided as she let her gaze roam over cecilia's garden that was stretching out in front of her. unlike her, the other had a green thumb and it showed; the roses were . . . beautiful and she could remember a time when auburn had had the patience for something like this. then, the redhead --- arguably the best gardener beatrice knew --- had always had a knack for growing food, not beauty.

#VERSE // MAIN: ARC II ❛ THE WASTED YEARS THE WASTED YOUTH #diessolis #have the good child‚ cecilia‚ and give her tea #thread: times are changing #FH // THREADS ❛ AND IF I WERE FEARLESS I’D SPEAK MY TRUTH

[hiemaliis]

‘‘ hello. ’’ they did not meet often, fay recalled. the last time they had, she had still gone by miriam. or had it been even earlier? she was not sure. ‘‘ another brave soul coming to new haven? are you just visiting or are you staying? ’’

@sommersdai liked for a starter!! ( kind of )

#sommersdai #FH // INTERACTIONS ❛ I'LL NEVER TELL YOU HOW I FEEL #VERSE // MAIN: ARC II ❛ THE WASTED YEARS THE WASTED YOUTH

[hiemaliis]

‘‘ ------i apologise for their . . . behaviour. ’’ fay had been quietly waiting near the door, refraining from pulling any attention towards her. ‘‘ my classmates should’ve known better, but i  guess  the halloween . . . spirit has robbed them of what little manners they have. did they break anything? i can . . . i can pay for it. ’’

@bonfiired

#bonfiired #FH // INTERACTIONS ❛ I'LL NEVER TELL YOU HOW I FEEL #VERSE // MAIN: ARC II ❛ THE WASTED YEARS THE WASTED YOUTH #fay vs her mortal classmates

[hiemaliis]

‘‘ i have the feeling that this is not a social call. what can i do for you, april? ’’

@wisestfool liked for a starter!!

#FH // INTERACTIONS ❛ I'LL NEVER TELL YOU HOW I FEEL #wisestfool #VERSE // MAIN: ARC II ❛ THE WASTED YEARS THE WASTED YOUTH

[hiemaliis]

@s-extilis | continued from here

[ txt ]  thank you, i think you’re right so a braid it is [ txt ]  as to who i’m picking up, well, you’ll judge me [ txt ]  harshly, probably

#sextilis #FH // INTERACTIONS ❛ I'LL NEVER TELL YOU HOW I FEEL #VERSE // MAIN: ARC II ❛ THE WASTED YEARS THE WASTED YOUTH

[hiemaliis]

"please---not a word." were richard's first words to fae. he did not need to explain why, just looking at him was going to be enough of an answer. he could never say why he hated his curls so, not without a long explanation that no one needed, just that he did. and now he looked like a Fool. he eyed fae's braids, envious of her day's hair success. "i will owe you one." ------ sent by @borealiis​!!

fay was severely tempted to turn around and storm away, but this would  not  help her save face. quite the opposite, it would only alert everyone else to her . . . compromised state. if she would act out of character, someone else would figure it out. and richard, he had to know. he had to know that even after all these years, after more than thousand years, the torch she had carried for cassian was still . . .  somewhat  aflame.

he had to know. there was no other explanation. he knew and, what was even worse, he was  humouring  her. he had been more cassian than ever before  ( well, except for the first time they had met )  in the last few weeks, clearly with the  goal  to confuse her. it had to amuse him to realise that he could still make her stumble over her own thoughts, just because he looked  cute  when he did not subject his hair to its usual treatment. or when his pale face was a little red.

she cursed richard when she noticed his  odd  oook, and she cursed adrian, too. or maybe, she should curse  herself  for taking adrian's advice in the first place because suddenly, she was far too aware of the heavy braid that fell against her back.

never had the bricks looked more fascinating than right now as she regarded them intently to avoid having to look at richard. ‘‘ i, ’’ she managed to say before she almost choked on her next words, ‘‘ i wasn’t going to say anything. ’’

#borealiis #FH // ASK: IC ❛ I DON'T SAY MUCH AND IT'LL STAY THAT WAY #ADDITIONAL // ASK ❛ ONE LETTER AFTER ANOTHER #VERSE // MAIN: ARC II ❛ THE WASTED YEARS THE WASTED YOUTH

[hiemaliis]

it was a rare night tonight because she could not sleep. It was rare because roxy could normally fall asleep anytime and anywhere. she bit her lip and rolled over again, she couldn’t get the images out, she felt trapped again—in the coffin her mother buried her. finally, she snapped and found her way towards the study where fay was awake. she knocked softly on the door and offered a sort of pained smile, “i can’t sleep and we both know you don’t sleep. do you mind if...I chill with you?” --- sent by @youngforevr!!

fay should have gone to bed hours ago, and she had planned to sleep. she had taken a bath  ( and the lingering lavender scent  proved  as much )  and she had been reading in bed while she had waited for her hair to dry. only that when she had switched off the light, she had had to realise a . . . miscalculation: she was not tired. she had tried to ignore it, to close herself and  will  herself to fall asleep, but another hour had passed and she had not still not slipped away into peaceful slumber.

and . . . fay did not  like  to do nothing. she had quietly slipped into the dining room and had polished some of her silver candle-holders, then she had taken stock of their pantry --- ms roseann would have to get new capri sun for roxanna --- and had finally worked on an essay that would not be due for another month, simply because she had ran out of remotely productive things to do.

but the essay had been finished half an hour ago and she had edited it, too, only to find that sleep --- or even sleepiness --- was still evading her. she was almost tempted to take it personal. for the past ten minutes, she had contemplated what else she could do that was both peaceful and quiet, that would not wake roxanna.

only that apparently, this had no longer to be a concern as her roommate  was  awake. turning towards her, fay brushed a messy strand out of her own face and nodded slowly. ‘‘ i do sleep, occasionally, ’’ she argued quietly as she mentioned towards the empty couch where she could often be found, reading. ‘‘ i  did  consider to go over the concerto again, but i didn’t want to wake you. ’’

#FH // ASK: IC ❛ I DON'T SAY MUCH AND IT'LL STAY THAT WAY #ADDITIONAL // ASK ❛ ONE LETTER AFTER ANOTHER #youngforevr #VERSE // MAIN: ARC II ❛ THE WASTED YEARS THE WASTED YOUTH #my childrens

[hiemaliis]

Richard frowned, as if he just remembered what day it was even though he, too, had his own finished project. “Would you like to make a game to see how many Van Goghs we see today? Bonus points if they Americanize his name.” He knew Jen was focused on a different artist, at least. That made three he knew would not be Van Gogh. --- sent by @borealiis​

it might be different from what people were used to see from her, but she had changed her own presentation topic only two days ago. it might have been a weird, almost stupid move, but the more time she had spent with vermeer, the clearer it had become for her that she actually wanted to do her presentation about miró. she could not say what had caused her to do something this erratic, but there they were --- in a world where sometimes, fay would gamble with her grades, simply because a topic lost its luster for her.

( maybe she was just tired of settling for something when she might just as well do something that interested her. )

‘‘ that's a game both of us can only lose, ’’ she replied as she sighed deeply. sometimes, her classmates made her feel like she was an elderly lady that did nothing but complain about the youth all day. then, she had a very special insight and thus, her complaints were probably more justified than others. ‘‘ you would think that the children of men and women who own priceless art would be more creative than opting for poor vincent. ’’

#FH // ASK: IC ❛ I DON'T SAY MUCH AND IT'LL STAY THAT WAY #ADDITIONAL // ASK ❛ ONE LETTER AFTER ANOTHER #VERSE // MAIN: ARC II ❛ THE WASTED YEARS THE WASTED YOUTH #borealiis

[hiemaliis]

[txt]: Fay. I hope New Haven isn’t on fire, it would be annoying to move. How has your Summer been? Noel forced me to do some touristy things it was fine. -R.M.   

[txt]: He asked if I wanted to visit Rome while we are here but I remembered our school trip and. Well, Rome is fun and all, but I think our trip was rather fun, don’t you? -R.M.  

[txt]: Look out for Auburn. I’m sure you will, regardless. Look after yourself too. -R.M.

sometimes, fay genuinely questioned if richard understood how text messages worked, but then, she had to question if she was being mean and set the thought aside. one day, she would ask him --- there was no other way for this to go, but today, she would let it go and take another sip of her coffee before settling down on a windowsill and contemplate how she was going to respond. there was the option to downplay it all, to maybe make a joke, but . . . this would be a rather  april  thing to do and fay had never copied the other. and even if she were to do it, it would only make richard question what was going on even more.

he knew her too well to be caught up in the smokescreen of misplaced humour, and even with all the miles between them, he  would  know what she was trying to cover up without knowing her reasons and this . . . it would only fuel the fire and fay did not  need  another complicated situation to juggle along with the messes she was already looking at.

[ txt ]  good morning richard, i hope you and noel are still enjoying your stay in barcelona. since you asked: no, new haven is not on fire, so you won't have to deal with the hassle of moving again so soon. [ txt ]  my summer is nice although the heat tires me and i catch myself looking forward to colder, rainier days. when i was in london with my uncle, i did the occasional tourist thing as well . . . it was nice, in a strangely ironic way.

this was the easy part, she figured. it did not even require any creative interpretations of the truth as new haven was not burning in a literal sense and  she  was not as affected by the . . . odd atmosphere that had embraced the city as she would have been under different circumstances. auburn was a different story altogether as in a metaphorical sense,  she  was burning.

but she could not tell richard about this, because richard might tell noel and then, they would come back  early  and . . . auburn would be upset on top of everything else that was going on with her because she would never want for her problems to get in the way of someone else's fun. especially when said someone elses were her husband and her . . . son.

[ txt ]  i -did- have fun tracking down places where i died in the past and see what is there now. like that one pretty gift shop where i bought the scarf for auburn? much nicer than the shady tavern that used to be there. [ txt ]  and perhaps we can all head to rome next year? or another italian city? i was in venice last spring and it was beautiful . . . or maybe we could sent noel and auburn to venice as a birthday gift?

and  auburn needed a break, needed to get away from the city and whatever it was that had stressed her out so much. her birthday was a almost perfect excuse to send her off on a romantic getaway with noel, something that would definitely boost her mood and offer her some much needed rest.

[ txt ]  i'll do my best to make sure that you won't come home to a mess of a mother, rich. i'd say you can trust me with that, but i suppose you already do.

this was the closest she had come to a lie in her messages so far, and she hoped that she would not have to push it any further. currently, auburn was not doing well, but there was still time for fay to track down the source of this problem and . . . get rid of it before noel and richard came back home. if she was quick enough, smart enough, they would not have to see her like this, would not have to hurt the way fay did when she saw auburn as a shadow of her usual self.

if it reminded fay of the seventies, it would remind noel of that time as well and . . . there were times better off forgotten.

[ txt ]  now i'll have to get some breakfast and then i'll head out to meet up with dion for some shopping and -hopefully late- lunch. i hope you and noel will have a nice day and that you'll eat all the tapas your hearts desire. and tell him i said hi.

@borealiis sent an ask!!

#VERSE // MAIN: ARC II ❛ THE WASTED YEARS THE WASTED YOUTH #FH // ASK: IC ❛ I DON'T SAY MUCH AND IT'LL STAY THAT WAY #ADDITIONAL // ASK ❛ ONE LETTER AFTER ANOTHER #borealiis

[hiemaliis]

❛ Suddenly I feel all right ❜ - rich

fay found, with a crooked smile, that she was … happy for richard. in the past weeks, she had watched him  grow.  it was such a foreign concept when linked to either of them, but it was the only way she could label it. he seemed happier,  lighter.  she did not think that he would ever become someone who had the entire room hanging on his lips as he told jokes, but … he did not have to be.

( in fact — the only correct word for such a drastic change would be uncharacteristic. )

( and fay did not think that richard had to change on such a fundamental level. )

almost, she would have reached across the table to gently touch his wrist, but then she decided against it. she did not feel like she was prepared to deal with the avalanche of consequences such a simple action might have, and she was not  quite there  yet. she would not do something that was so blatantly challenging the status quo until her sweater was fitting her right and she was in the correct state of mind to make bold moves.

‘‘ i’m glad, ’’ she said as her hands busied themselves with her coffee cup. ‘‘ i didn’t enjoy it when you looked like a ghost. it was most unbecoming. ’’

@borealiis

#borealiis #FH // ASK: IC ❛ I DON'T SAY MUCH AND IT'LL STAY THAT WAY #ADDITIONAL // ASK ❛ ONE LETTER AFTER ANOTHER #VERSE // MAIN: ARC II ❛ THE WASTED YEARS THE WASTED YOUTH

[hiemaliis]

“Oh? That’s just the Collector’s edition—the edition I’ve read is on that other shelf.” Richard indicated the two (2) separate collections of the Harry Potter series. He will admit, he didn’t expect Fae to see how enthusiastic he was about it, but she was hardly going to miss such a detail in his room. He grabbed his violin case before he asked her, curious, “Have you read the series? It’s quite good. You can borrow if you’d like.” Personally, he has always placed them both in Slytherin

truthfully, for a moment fay did not know what was --- the weirdest part about this. perhaps it was that  richard  had read the books. perhaps it was that apparently, he had liked it enough to buy the collector's edition, too. or maybe it was that he was offering to borrow her the books and that he seemed to believe that there was a probability --- however slim --- that she had not yet read the books. perhaps she would claim that it was the last part that was throwing her off and not something else.

it was easier to say that it was this that was getting to her than facing the truth --- that for a moment, she was reminded of a time when he had been cassian. and that particular thought was one she preferred to evade whenever possible because it made things messy. she had been fond of cassian, all those years ago, and she had been too young to know better than to allow herself this fondness. and so, she had been devastated when he had fallen ill.  she had been in ruins when he had died.

then she had met other . . . boys who had shared cassian's face but not his personality, and she had been almost furious because at the time, she had been mourning and to see his face on other people had not helped at all. whatever it had been that they had shared all those years ago, in days when his hair was curly and her face was graced by smiles, it had been gone. 

she did not know how to handle this now --- richard reminding her of cassian, richard being softer and warmer once more --- and she was . . . worried. to herself, she could admit that the last century or so had softened her memories, that the knowledge that in some ways, cassian had  survived  was . . . something she could find comfort in.

but things were a great deal more complicated ---  she  was far more complicated than she had been all those years ago. her heart could do all the somersaults it wanted, it did not change that it was not enough. because things had been . . . difficult in the past centuries and were only slowly getting better, and fay would not be the one who would risk this fragile balance just because sometimes, her cheeks grew hot when he said something nice or when he was --- and it felt so strange to associate this word with him again ---  cute.

she had thought she had been over it. she had fooled herself into thinking that she  resented  cassian for dying, for cutting her so deep when he had breathed his last. she had told herself that cassian had  left  her, because being angry had been easier than being sad. but time had passed and what had been a convenient lie many decades ago was no longer sufficient.

she had had to confront the truth --- that not every betrayal she had perceived to be a betrayal had truly been one --- years ago. it had been difficult, she had not wanted to face it for a reason, but she had had to make herself see reason. she had gotten away with it for a long time, for too long,  as others had agreed had let her delude herself because they had felt sorry for her, but it had helped no one, not even herself.

swallowing down something that tasted too much like her own heart, she grasped her own violin case tightly and counted to ten before she replied. ‘‘ i read the books, ’’ she said evenly, cutting herself off before she could add an  obviously,  even thought it had to be kind of obvious. not only was she kind of good at pretending that she was just a normal teenage girl, she was also someone who was often sick. it had gotten better in the last few months, but it did not change that she had spent a lot of time in her bed, with auburn glaring at her the moment she  thought  about getting up to do something. well, her body  had  typically agreed with the redhead, no matter how much fay had wished for it to be different. the point being: she had read many books, was probably even  up to date  with most literature one might find suitable for someone who appeared to be as young as her.

and yet, it was almost impossible for her to fool herself into thinking that the sudden heat that was crawling up her neck was not connected to the offer. whether she had read the books before or not --- that was beside the point. the point was that richard . . . cared about these books, whether he would admit it or not, and that he was offering to borrow her something that was important to her. she might be reading too much into it, but given their past, it was difficult not to jump to conclusions.

she bit her lip and looked at the folder she was carrying, willing herself to keep up appearances. no matter how similar they were, mind-reading was a feat richard had not yet managed . . . and right now, she was infinitely grateful for this simple fact. as long as she kept her  dumb  blush from spreading across her cheeks, she should be in the clear.

‘‘ they  are  good, ’’ she continued, her voice just a tiny bit wooden as she managed a trace of a smile. ‘‘ but i think we were supposed to go over our project for music class again? i mean --- we  can  talk harry potter later, but . . . i  don't  think that the second movement is smooth yet. and we may want to cut down the tremolo, too, honestly. ’’

there --- a mostly smooth change of topic, away from something that reminded her too much of how . . . soft he could make her feel, sometimes. she would have to talk with roxanna when she got home, would have to maybe scream into a pillow for a bit, too, especially  if he kept looking at her like that.

#borealiis #FH // ASK: IC ❛ I DON'T SAY MUCH AND IT'LL STAY THAT WAY #ADDITIONAL // ASK ❛ ONE LETTER AFTER ANOTHER #VERSE // MAIN: ARC II ❛ THE WASTED YEARS THE WASTED YOUTH