#Van Helsing: Anyway. I'm gonna put garlic in front of the door she won't get out. this will work

[the-golden-ghost]

I'm at the part of Dracula where Van Helsing just starts pulling vampire facts out of his ass and everyone takes it as gospel because everyone's still kinda reeling over "vampires real"

#Van Helsing: most vampires aren't pretty. Lucy is an exception because she was a somnambulist #and everyone knows Vampiric Beauty and somnambulism go together #Seward: but of course #Van Helsing: Anyway. I'm gonna put garlic in front of the door she won't get out. this will work #Seward: absolutely #Van Helsing: Also we're going to have to saw off her head. yeah like tomorrow. we can't do it now #because if Arthur showed up and saw that we sawed his dead wife's head off with no context he'd be pissed #Seward: I mean I would #Van Helsing: So yeah we have to go to him tomorrow and give him the 'sorry your wife's an undead monster' speech #and THEN we can cut her head off #me; reading this: what are you two FUCKING talking about #Dracula