#Where suddenly i was surrounded with friends and not lonely and computer science became fun???????

[freebooter4ever]

Now that my dripping nose has slowed down and im feeling more myself, i want to draw, and. Well. Drawing with ADD when focus requires more effort than usual (sick!) is like:

Want to draw, but brain not cooperating, need something in the background to satisfy that restlessness, turn on tv show

Tv show somehow not enough to settle down??? After one episode thoughts still circling to other things. Change tv show.

Second tv show STILL not working. Suddenly brain changes track to thinking about something random.

Switch to a documentary about that random thing. Ten minutes in discover that this is too literal

Switch to a movie vaguely related to the thing.

Movie works for about two hours. Then it ends. Very frustrating, need to find new thing.

Decide to switch to music. Absolutely not working. Doesn't satisfy that ‘ive been alone in the house and i need human interaction’ itch. :/

Attempt to listen to an audio book. Sickly and feeble brain cannot hear words spoken in a dull voice anymore they become a distant hum that does absolutely nothing to help. Why do all audiobooks have the worst readers? The only exception to this is joe mazz*llo and i suspect its cause he's an actor. Or i just like his voice in a southern accent, who knows.

Finally accidentally stumble on a well written tv show with (THANK YOU) over 10 episodes an hr long each that will sooth your restless soul and let you draw for the rest of the day, wow. It only took like...four hours to do this.

FUNNY ENOUGH? The best background distraction to get me in the drawing zone ever turns out to be live hockey. But it has to be live, it can't be a game where i already know the outcome. And it has to be a team i care about. Like i know i would joke about listening to the games at work and how they were distracting but the truth is beyond taking breaks to type out commentary ocassionally live hockey worked like what i imagine adderall would be like to make my brain fucking focus. I absolutely did not expect that. Something about how its happening LIVE combined with needing to know all the terminology combined with my brain in the background trying to vizualize the action on ice while vizualizing the stuff im working on just...is peak attention span for me. :/ brains are so fucking weird. (try explaining to your boss that your productivity every other day decreased at work because the penguins got booted out of the playoffs and that was what you were using to focus for like...months.)(i dont know what im going to do now that the rangers are in the same boat :/)

#Journal shit #Once upon a time when i was in high school the ONLY thing that could get me to focus was music #I had a casette tape (haha remember those) that i would play while doing math and one i would play while doing science #I hated math and science it was the only thing (beyond my dad being terrifying) that could get me motivated to get A's in that stupid class #That music trick stopped working by the time college rolled around #BUT luckily in college there was this magic thing called study groups #Where suddenly i was surrounded with friends and not lonely and computer science became fun???????