#absolute goobers being absolutely goobery

[flutiebear]

Summary: Hooray for awkward hot spring hijinx!

Gwaelin knew she was staring, but she couldn't look away. How beautiful he was to look upon, prettier than a painting, realer than a statue. Not because he was perfect, but because he was imperfect: the map of his scars a reminder of his failings, and his determination to go on despite them. Impossible Alef hadn't started out impossible. He'd made mistakes. He'd been just a boy, once. He'd been an infant, just like her.

Their eyes met, and Alef's slid away almost at once. Chin averted, he said nothing as he slipped into the waters before removing his towel, replacing the sopping cloth on the stones.

That's when Gwaelin was hit with the folly of her plan: Now he was naked, too. Under the water, neither of them were wearing any clothes.

Meaning, somewhere down there he was just… bobbing about, like a fishing lure. All she'd have to do was look down, and there would be no secrets anymore; everything would be laid bare between them.

Don't look down, she thought.

Read more.

#dragon quest #alef/gwaelin #dq1 #dragon quest 1 #gwaelin/alef #absolute goobers being absolutely goobery #i swear there is canon support for all this #I SWEAR #get in losers we're going to a hot spring #the hot spring episode

[smokeybrandcompositions]

Not Muh Marvel

I recently saw an editorial on the Youtubes about the plummeting sales of Marvel comics.  This individual attributed that decline to the push for diversity within the company. As a black dude in America, I don’t think that was the problem. I think it’s much more serious than that. Dude was upset that all of these legacy characters were getting the boot on top of all this “PC” nonsense. Mockingbird is a bra-burning, SJW, third-wave feminist, The Hulk is some Asian kid named Amadeus, and Thor is a cancer riddled Jane Foster!  The FF are gone, Captain America is a Nazi, Captain Marvel is a women and an apparent fascist, and the X-Men are slowly being replaced with Inhumans. Hell, they “killed” off Wolverine! How does one “kill” Wolverine? And then you replace him THREE TIMES! Seriously, Laura, Old Man Logan, and Jimmy Hudson from 1610; All claiming the title of Wolverine. Why even “kill” our Logan off at that point? Or that whole Superior Spider-Man situation. Doc Ock in Pete’s body? Really? Superior was a decent book and it made a ton of sense about how they went about it, then to just write it off after a year? Ridiculous. And THAT’S the problem. Not all of these SJW politics. Not all of this Legacy tarnishing. No, the problem is, at its core, terrible f*cking writing and false sense of entitlement to characters the world has laid claim to, long before these asshats got hold of them. Marvel’s writers and executives are terrible, that’s the issue. They’re ruining the brand with their poor skill set and ridiculous egos.

Comics are art and art is a reflection of the individual creating it. If you’re a writer, your prose reflects your innermost self. Of course politics, onions, and the like are going to find their way into your work. You draw from what you know, obviously. And the illest thing about all of this is the fact that Marvel has always been that company to address social issues. Like, Marvel was an allegory for society. All of their major characters represented a facet of the underlying issues with the country as a whole. Stan Lee’s self-insert, Spider-Man, is essentially a tale of adolescence to adulthood. Skinny nerd, constantly picked on, thrust into a much larger, fantastical world where he is an outsider who has to learn to be better than he was. The X-Men are basically Minorities and their whole being hated for who they are is a direct distillation of the civil rights movements of the 60s. Literally Magneto and Xavier had their overall philosophies directly molded after Malcom X and MLK, respectively. And those books sold so well, X-Men became the number one comic for, like, 20 years. And do you know why? Because the writing was GOOD! The Hulk? Mental illness and abuse. The FF? Choice and consequence. Reed Richards is a malignant narcissist who is a vocal atheist even though he’s met and had a conversation with Marvel’s “God”. Big G, son! Where was the outrage for that? Nowhere because the writing of that character was so well done, people bought into him as a hero. Carol Danvers was essentially raped by her future son to ensure that he would be born. How is that not addressed? Hell, Carol Danvers herself was created specifically because of the 2nd wave feminist protests of the late 60s and 70s. No one has anything to say about her, overall, as a character. Hell, she’s Marvel’s Superman sort of, the biggest of guns! Politics, all over. Captain Marvel has become one of the biggest heroes in the Marvel Pantheon, even getting the first female led, Marvel film!  And that’s an issue in itself.

Much to the chagrin of Marvel Comics, the MCU has exposed the world to what can be done when you write good stories for lived in characters. Guardians is a perfect example of what can be done when you write a good script. Guardians II shows what can be done when you actually sit down and think about where these characters need to go, instead of what big ass, laughably shallow, unnecessarily convoluted event you need to push for f*cking sales. That team, those characters, they’re nothing in Marvel. Who cares about Star-Lord? What the f*ck is even a Gamora or Nebula to a casual fan? Who the hell thought a talking anthropomorphic, raccoon and a big ass, half retarded, tree could be so goddamn compelling? James Gunn did. And Marvel Studios trusted him to craft a story that would make these characters relevant. And he did. Twice. Groot, along, is a goddamn pop icon. Who doesn’t know  the phrase “I am Groot” now? Before this film, before Gunn created the modern Groot we know today, he was a deep cut in the Marvel universe.The MCU is murdering the comics on scale, accessibility, and lore. Since 2008, in just 9 years, we have seen three phases of films that have taken B-list characters and given them more depth, range, growth, and personality than the comics have in probably the last 20+. Do you honestly think anyone would have cared as much if Riri Williams took over for Stark in the Iron Man book if this sh*t happened in 2000? Hell, 2006? No. Because it’s been done before. Rhodes was iron man for a rather long stint and no one gave a sh*t. But because RDJ has done such a fantastic job creating that character over the last 9 years, far more people are invested now. And it started with Favreau’s script.  That treatment was so well done, it took nothing for RDJ to bring Stark to life. The comics, not so much. The very best version of Tony Stark I have ever seen in print was the 1610 version of him. That’s who Stark is. That’s how Stark would operate. That’s what the MCU Stark, and the entirety of the universe as a whole, is based upon. That’s what the MCU understands and the comic cats don’t. Hell, look at Daredevil. His show is the very best of the lot on Netflix and it is, again, because of how well those characters are written. The actors give outstanding performances but the core of that vision begins what is in point, that words in those scripts. Do you actually thin D’Onofrio would have been as compelling as the Kingpin if he had to create the character from the schlock the movie presented? F*ck no! That’s because those writer had no idea what the character was about. They had no theme. They had no understanding of how to bring that character to life outside of getting Ben Affleck to headline a film.

The second, and probably biggest problem with Marvel right now has to be their collective ego. Seriously, the audacity these mother*ckers have right now is ridiculous and it’s directly because of how successful and popular the MCU has become. But that’s a not your wheelhouse, Marvel Comics Executives and Writers. The MCU is a completely different animal, run by completely different people. They even separated those operations further but creating separate Film and television divisions. Sure, it’s all one big pot (when you one of your branches is making a couple billion a year, you tend to drink some of that milkshake, even if you didn’t pay for it) but that doesn’t mean you get to just coast along with your responsibilities. It doesn’t mean you can do whatever to these characters because the Superhero cinema bubble is so prominent right now. Eventually, those characters and this trend are going to go the way of the Dodo, as most films do, but the comics will endure. Unless your ego gets the better of you and just alienate everyone trying, wanting, to support your craft. You don’t have to look further than Dan Slott for this bullsh*t. You ever just skim his Twitter? That motherf*cker has a disdain for the fans. He has a disdain for the Spider-man character! Everything that was built before his got his creatively bankrupt hands on my favorite Superhero is a awash to him. He’s effectively replaced Pete with Doc Ock, not once, but twice! Doctor Octopus is literally running around in a clone body of Peter Parker because Dan Slott was just SO in love with his Superior Spider-Man arc. Which, was just okay at best! Spider-Island was a better arc and that was little more than just fan service and a way to retcon Kaine’s awful characterization. But that scene where MJ says to Pete “I love you” only to immediately disregard that in subsequent volumes was disrespectful. It was a dick move by a dick writer. And he does this sh*t all the time! Like, all of the time! No more Pete and Mj. Made a deal with the devil (literally bullsh*t writing) to annul that marriage. Oh, but here’s some Renew Your Vows. This is the book you want. And it is! Fans are eating that sh*t up so why not fix that relationship in the 616 universe? Because Dan Slott’s ego won’t allow it. So move him off the book then. Get some fresh blood in there to see what they can do with the character. Nope. Because Dan Slott has declared himself the master and writer of the Spider-Man mythos, forever. Even if he sh*t’s on the lore. Even if he writes the characters completely against type. Even if he makes Doctor f*cking Octopus more of a Spider-Man than Spider-Man himself! Because he’s Dan f*cking Slott. I adore Spider-Man. He’s my favorite superhero. As a kid, I was Pete. I was that comic nerd who was too good at math and never really fit in with his peers. I wanted to play Fina Fantasy instead of Madden. Pete made it okay to be different. It’s ridiculous to say, but when Pete and MJ began dating, I knew that there was someone out there that would love me for me. It was reassuring to know that, even a goober like me or Pete could find someone just as goobery to spend out life with. And I eventually did find my MJ. To see that kind of love just f*cking erased because a guy liked it more when Pete was “a swinging bachelor” (which he never really was) is absolutely asinine to me. It erases that depth and stunts the character. All that growth, all those experiences, everything that made Mj and Peter so compelling, gone at the drop of a pen that saw the literal Marvel devil, erase everything they had, over f*cking Aunt May. How much of a hack do you have to be to write such a terrible conflict, give such a weak motivation, and resolve it with one of the most cliché resolutions imaginable?

Marvel Comics is facing the same problem the DCEU is facing; They have forgotten who they’re characters are and who they’re writing for. Secret Empire is going to be sh*t because no one is buying Captain America as a Nazi. Civil War II was sh*t because no one was buying the whole McGuffin of Ulysses or that Captain Marvel was that much of a goddamn Fascist. One More Day was a terrible alteration to the status quo and antagonizing the multitude of fans who have cast their support behind Renew Your Vows is the most ego-maniacal and shortsighted situation I have ever seen a business commit. The disrespect being hurled at Jane Foster’s Thor is less about Thor being a woman and more about the characterization of her sudden godhood. I rather liked Schism, for the most part, because that was the natural progression, I think, of those characters. Kitty siding with Cyclops, though? Not even realistic. Neither was Laura going that way. But Scott becoming Magneto? That was an inevitability. That was where that character had to go. Giving him the Phoenix force (along with those other forgettable ass characters minus Magik because i adore Magik) though? Stupid.

There’s nothing wrong with SJW Marvel. There is everything wrong with the cats writing SJW Marvel.

[smokeybrand]

Not Muh Marvel

I recently saw an editorial on the Youtubes about the plummeting sales of Marvel comics.  This individual attributed that decline to the push for diversity within the company. As a black dude in America, I don’t think that was the problem. I think it’s much more serious than that. Dude was upset that all of these legacy characters were getting the boot on top of all this “PC” nonsense. Mockingbird is a bra-burning, SJW, third-wave feminist, The Hulk is some Asian kid named Amadeus, and Thor is a cancer riddled Jane Foster!  The FF are gone, Captain America is a Nazi, Captain Marvel is a women and an apparent fascist, and the X-Men are slowly being replaced with Inhumans. Hell, they “killed” off Wolverine! How does one “kill” Wolverine? And then you replace him THREE TIMES! Seriously, Laura, Old Man Logan, and Jimmy Hudson from 1610; All claiming the title of Wolverine. Why even “kill” our Logan off at that point? Or that whole Superior Spider-Man situation. Doc Ock in Pete’s body? Really? Superior was a decent book and it made a ton of sense about how they went about it, then to just write it off after a year? Ridiculous. And THAT’S the problem. Not all of these SJW politics. Not all of this Legacy tarnishing. No, the problem is, at its core, terrible f*cking writing and false sense of entitlement to characters the world has laid claim to, long before these asshats got hold of them. Marvel’s writers and executives are terrible, that’s the issue. They’re ruining the brand with their poor skill set and ridiculous egos.

Comics are art and art is a reflection of the individual creating it. If you’re a writer, your prose reflects your innermost self. Of course politics, onions, and the like are going to find their way into your work. You draw from what you know, obviously. And the illest thing about all of this is the fact that Marvel has always been that company to address social issues. Like, Marvel was an allegory for society. All of their major characters represented a facet of the underlying issues with the country as a whole. Stan Lee’s self-insert, Spider-Man, is essentially a tale of adolescence to adulthood. Skinny nerd, constantly picked on, thrust into a much larger, fantastical world where he is an outsider who has to learn to be better than he was. The X-Men are basically Minorities and their whole being hated for who they are is a direct distillation of the civil rights movements of the 60s. Literally Magneto and Xavier had their overall philosophies directly molded after Malcom X and MLK, respectively. And those books sold so well, X-Men became the number one comic for, like, 20 years. And do you know why? Because the writing was GOOD! The Hulk? Mental illness and abuse. The FF? Choice and consequence. Reed Richards is a malignant narcissist who is a vocal atheist even though he’s met and had a conversation with Marvel’s “God”. Big G, son! Where was the outrage for that? Nowhere because the writing of that character was so well done, people bought into him as a hero. Carol Danvers was essentially raped by her future son to ensure that he would be born. How is that not addressed? Hell, Carol Danvers herself was created specifically because of the 2nd wave feminist protests of the late 60s and 70s. No one has anything to say about her, overall, as a character. Hell, she’s Marvel’s Superman sort of, the biggest of guns! Politics, all over. Captain Marvel has become one of the biggest heroes in the Marvel Pantheon, even getting the first female led, Marvel film!  And that’s an issue in itself.

Much to the chagrin of Marvel Comics, the MCU has exposed the world to what can be done when you write good stories for lived in characters. Guardians is a perfect example of what can be done when you write a good script. Guardians II shows what can be done when you actually sit down and think about where these characters need to go, instead of what big ass, laughably shallow, unnecessarily convoluted event you need to push for f*cking sales. That team, those characters, they’re nothing in Marvel. Who cares about Star-Lord? What the f*ck is even a Gamora or Nebula to a casual fan? Who the hell thought a talking anthropomorphic, raccoon and a big ass, half retarded, tree could be so goddamn compelling? James Gunn did. And Marvel Studios trusted him to craft a story that would make these characters relevant. And he did. Twice. Groot, along, is a goddamn pop icon. Who doesn’t know  the phrase “I am Groot” now? Before this film, before Gunn created the modern Groot we know today, he was a deep cut in the Marvel universe.The MCU is murdering the comics on scale, accessibility, and lore. Since 2008, in just 9 years, we have seen three phases of films that have taken B-list characters and given them more depth, range, growth, and personality than the comics have in probably the last 20+. Do you honestly think anyone would have cared as much if Riri Williams took over for Stark in the Iron Man book if this sh*t happened in 2000? Hell, 2006? No. Because it’s been done before. Rhodes was iron man for a rather long stint and no one gave a sh*t. But because RDJ has done such a fantastic job creating that character over the last 9 years, far more people are invested now. And it started with Favreau’s script.  That treatment was so well done, it took nothing for RDJ to bring Stark to life. The comics, not so much. The very best version of Tony Stark I have ever seen in print was the 1610 version of him. That’s who Stark is. That’s how Stark would operate. That’s what the MCU Stark, and the entirety of the universe as a whole, is based upon. That’s what the MCU understands and the comic cats don’t. Hell, look at Daredevil. His show is the very best of the lot on Netflix and it is, again, because of how well those characters are written. The actors give outstanding performances but the core of that vision begins what is in point, that words in those scripts. Do you actually thin D’Onofrio would have been as compelling as the Kingpin if he had to create the character from the schlock the movie presented? F*ck no! That’s because those writer had no idea what the character was about. They had no theme. They had no understanding of how to bring that character to life outside of getting Ben Affleck to headline a film.

The second, and probably biggest problem with Marvel right now has to be their collective ego. Seriously, the audacity these mother*ckers have right now is ridiculous and it’s directly because of how successful and popular the MCU has become. But that’s a not your wheelhouse, Marvel Comics Executives and Writers. The MCU is a completely different animal, run by completely different people. They even separated those operations further but creating separate Film and television divisions. Sure, it’s all one big pot (when you one of your branches is making a couple billion a year, you tend to drink some of that milkshake, even if you didn’t pay for it) but that doesn’t mean you get to just coast along with your responsibilities. It doesn’t mean you can do whatever to these characters because the Superhero cinema bubble is so prominent right now. Eventually, those characters and this trend are going to go the way of the Dodo, as most films do, but the comics will endure. Unless your ego gets the better of you and just alienate everyone trying, wanting, to support your craft. You don’t have to look further than Dan Slott for this bullsh*t. You ever just skim his Twitter? That motherf*cker has a disdain for the fans. He has a disdain for the Spider-man character! Everything that was built before his got his creatively bankrupt hands on my favorite Superhero is a awash to him. He’s effectively replaced Pete with Doc Ock, not once, but twice! Doctor Octopus is literally running around in a clone body of Peter Parker because Dan Slott was just SO in love with his Superior Spider-Man arc. Which, was just okay at best! Spider-Island was a better arc and that was little more than just fan service and a way to retcon Kaine’s awful characterization. But that scene where MJ says to Pete “I love you” only to immediately disregard that in subsequent volumes was disrespectful. It was a dick move by a dick writer. And he does this sh*t all the time! Like, all of the time! No more Pete and Mj. Made a deal with the devil (literally bullsh*t writing) to annul that marriage. Oh, but here’s some Renew Your Vows. This is the book you want. And it is! Fans are eating that sh*t up so why not fix that relationship in the 616 universe? Because Dan Slott’s ego won’t allow it. So move him off the book then. Get some fresh blood in there to see what they can do with the character. Nope. Because Dan Slott has declared himself the master and writer of the Spider-Man mythos, forever. Even if he sh*t’s on the lore. Even if he writes the characters completely against type. Even if he makes Doctor f*cking Octopus more of a Spider-Man than Spider-Man himself! Because he’s Dan f*cking Slott. I adore Spider-Man. He’s my favorite superhero. As a kid, I was Pete. I was that comic nerd who was too good at math and never really fit in with his peers. I wanted to play Fina Fantasy instead of Madden. Pete made it okay to be different. It’s ridiculous to say, but when Pete and MJ began dating, I knew that there was someone out there that would love me for me. It was reassuring to know that, even a goober like me or Pete could find someone just as goobery to spend out life with. And I eventually did find my MJ. To see that kind of love just f*cking erased because a guy liked it more when Pete was “a swinging bachelor” (which he never really was) is absolutely asinine to me. It erases that depth and stunts the character. All that growth, all those experiences, everything that made Mj and Peter so compelling, gone at the drop of a pen that saw the literal Marvel devil, erase everything they had, over f*cking Aunt May. How much of a hack do you have to be to write such a terrible conflict, give such a weak motivation, and resolve it with one of the most cliché resolutions imaginable?

Marvel Comics is facing the same problem the DCEU is facing; They have forgotten who they’re characters are and who they’re writing for. Secret Empire is going to be sh*t because no one is buying Captain America as a Nazi. Civil War II was sh*t because no one was buying the whole McGuffin of Ulysses or that Captain Marvel was that much of a goddamn Fascist. One More Day was a terrible alteration to the status quo and antagonizing the multitude of fans who have cast their support behind Renew Your Vows is the most ego-maniacal and shortsighted situation I have ever seen a business commit. The disrespect being hurled at Jane Foster’s Thor is less about Thor being a woman and more about the characterization of her sudden godhood. I rather liked Schism, for the most part, because that was the natural progression, I think, of those characters. Kitty siding with Cyclops, though? Not even realistic. Neither was Laura going that way. But Scott becoming Magneto? That was an inevitability. That was where that character had to go. Giving him the Phoenix force (along with those other forgettable ass characters minus Magik because i adore Magik) though? Stupid.

There’s nothing wrong with SJW Marvel. There is everything wrong with the cats writing SJW Marvel.