#abt.jules.tbt

[writedisaster]

happy sunday! it's time for Jules's favorite joke:

“What do you call a lesbian with fat fingers?” She pauses for comedic effect, then holds up her own hands with a grin. “Well-hung.”

#n.s.f.w. text /// #abt.jules.tbt

[writedisaster]

inviting Jules to your cookout is a great idea but there is a non-zero chance that she will just assume control of the grill

#//are you chitchatting instead of getting the meats going on time? well she's not. #abt.jules.tbt

[writedisaster]

Jules has a rosary carved from human bone. She's not actually 100% certain that that's what it is; it was a gift from her boss. She has a pretty good guess, mind you, but the main thing she knows for certain is that when Carla Giovanni gives you a gift, the only thing you say is thank you.

#//carla called it something cute like ''renewable ivory'' #//and jules (being neither book stupid nor survival stupid) was like yes boss thank you boss no questions boss 👍 #//does Jules ever pray with that specific rosary? i honestly don't know! #abt.jules.tbt

[writedisaster]

if i was made of commission money the first thing i would get would be pictures of Lip dancing with all their ship mates and also every other OC in my VtM squad. the second thing i would get would be Jules's silly lawyer billboards (they say, like, GO WITH GUZZO and she's got one hand up with brass knucks and the other one's giving a big thumbs up)

#//fun fact if we have ever written any close relationship w ur muse & Lip #//i DO have a mental image of the commish i'd want of them dancing together #//that's too many to list here but if you're curious abt ur muse's dance w Lip ask & i will tell you #out of coherence | ooc #abt.jules.tbt #find limits past the limits; jump in front of trains all day | abt: lip

[writedisaster]

what are Swid's Catholics giving up for Lent? let's take a look!

Jim: Her morning tea. She also makes a resolution to spend the time she would have spent making and drinking tea in quiet, prayerful reflection instead. She's not gonna hundred-percent that second part, but some days, it will be surprisingly nice. She'll still miss the tea, though.

Jules: Any kind of meat on Fridays, as is custom, and human meat on any day of the week but Sunday. (Sundays, she would like to remind you, don't actually count as Lent.)

Blackwell: Umbrellas. Again.

Bitsy: Nothing. What do you think she is, Catholic or something?

#cannibalism /// #religion /// #920.2 | abt: jim #abt.jules.tbt #jury's gonna know my name in the worst way | abt: bitsy

[writedisaster]

if you show Jules a meme she will stop and put on her reading glasses

#//and that's sexy of her #//Jim wears bifocals so she doesn't need to do this #//and that's also sexy of her #abt.jules.tbt

[writedisaster]

i was doing some research on what law school would have been like for Jules and i just.

wow!

#//for context ''classes'' here means like the graduating cohort of each year. rather than the students of a particular course #//as a millennial (me) i think it's way too easy to forget how little removed we are from it being noteworthy #//that ALMOST every law school graduating class had 5 (five!) entire women in it #//(maybe more. imagine.) #//but Jules is not forgetting that shit. at all #abt.jules.tbt

[writedisaster]

actually I'm not waiting til Sunday on this one

I don't think Jules has a hunger kink per se, but if you show up to a dinner date at her house and tell her that you skipped lunch so you'd have more room for her cooking, you are 10,000% getting laid

(i wish i could do a readmore inside a readmore, because that up there was the post but now we're getting into the scholarly notes on the post)

like... ok big appetites are always a plus for her, we know this, but specifically skipping other meals to have more room for Jules's cooking is like. oh so you've been thinking about this all day? so you've planned for this? so you love her cooking that much? so you're willing to make sacrifices elsewhere in your life just so you can enjoy dinner with her more fully? so you sat there all afternoon with your poor little stomach rumbling and just thought about how good it would be when you finally got to chow down on Jules's cooking specifically? yeah you're going on an insider's tour of Pound Town tonight.

and she would NEVER tell anyone to do this,* both a) because encouraging people to skip meals kinda goes against several core parts of her being, and b) because part of the turn-on / ego boost of it all is her partners doing stuff like this unprompted bc they're just that into it. (*She will say something like “bring your appetite” when she invites people over for dinner, but would NOT encourage anyone to miss eating beforehand.)

Doing the same thing when going out to a restaurant with Jules would not have the same effect. Again, big appetites are still very much a plus, and she enjoys eating with her partners inside and outside the home, but a big part of this particular delight for her is it being about her cooking. Which she is, quite rightfully, very proud of.

#n.s.f.w. text /// #abt.jules.tbt

[writedisaster]

sunday

Jules is a big fan of dirty talk. She especially likes it unflinchingly straightforward and obscene. No blue-balls poetry or delicate, lyrical dialogue here. She'll say some shit like “aw, yeah, come over here and show me how hungry you are for daddy's fat fucking pussy” and you know what? Good for her.

#n.s.f.w. text /// #//i know i use that tag cautiously but please believe me when i say this instance would get that tag even if i wasn't all that cautious. #abt.jules.tbt

[writedisaster]

Jules WILL make you coffee the morning after, but she does NOT take requests. you're getting espresso.

#//and it'll be damn fine espresso (if you like espresso) #//if you don't like espresso ... you're either about to start liking espresso or you're just gonna have to cope #abt.jules.tbt

[writedisaster]

Jules Guzzo has pizza opinions that WOULD get you executed on sight in NYC but thankfully no one has been able to defeat her yet

#//part of it is her being deliberately antagonistic bc that's how she has fun #//under that layer her true opinion is ''what you're doing isn't bad food but it does not fit my personal definition of good pizza'' #//but what she actually says is ''quit folding that greasy shit and get back here'' #abt.jules.tbt

[writedisaster]

if you tell Jim you're cold, she'll be like oh, gosh, are you okay? do you wanna go inside? do you think you're coming down with anything? and then realize 45 seconds - 2 minutes later that she can give you her jacket.

if you tell Jules you're cold, her jacket will be draped over your shoulders before you're even done saying it.

if you tell Pliers you're cold, she'll be like wow it must suck for you to be so frail and delicate. can't relate.

#920.2 | abt: jim #abt.jules.tbt #time to learn to enjoy the apocalypse | abt: pliers #//writedisaster dating sim WHEN

[writedisaster]

i don't know how coherent this is gonna come out, but like, something something something the way jules acts in the kitchen tells so much of the story of her. her family, her background, her class. she can afford the good stuff, she gets the good stuff, she loves the good stuff, but when she finds mold on the cheese in the fridge she just cuts it off and uses the rest. she wasn't raised to waste good food. she plans for leftovers. when she feels nostalgic, she still gets the cheapest cuts of meat, cooks them the way nonna used to for sunday dinner. her job keeps her money-rich but time-poor; so much leisure money and so little leisure living. she gets takeout. she gets takeout. she spends a week, a month planning for one day off, twelve hours uninterrupted in the kitchen, dreams in clouds of semolina and steam, the portions she'll bring her nieces and nephews all grown up just across the river. her boss calls. the teeth on the other end of the phone line are sharper than hers. she goes into work. when she finally gets home, the eggs are cloudy in the flour-bowl where she left them. she throws the mess against the wall. she gets takeout.

her kitchen is well-stocked but it doesn't have a garlic press. she's no snob but she thinks some things you ought to do right, if you're going to do them at all. she takes her rings off and slivers each clove with a knife, the way her uncles always did, the way they do it in that movie. she keeps her knives sharp. she brings meat home from work, sometimes. cheaper than the cheap cuts; the bosses don't want it. needs some butchery but at least it's already drained. she doesn't share that with her family. they wouldn't like it; they don't have the taste. she cooks it fresh when she can but usually she freezes it, carefully. she wasn't raised to waste good food, and she just so rarely has the time. she tries not to let it get freezerburned. she gets takeout.

#abt.jules.tbt #cannibalism /// #food /// #//me when i'm about to be incoherent: i don't know how coherent this is gonna come out

[writedisaster]

oops! all butches!

your muse doesn't necessarily have to be a woman, strictly speaking, to fill these out, but they do have to be someone who would feel comfortable seeing themself in a lesbian relationship. whatever that means to them.

#we eagerly await your correspondence | ask memes #920.2 | abt: jim #abt.jules.tbt #time to learn to enjoy the apocalypse | abt: pliers #n.s.f.w. text ///

[writedisaster]

unexpected discovery made while working on bingo boards: despite how important cooking is to her, Jules actually finds it kind of endearing when prospective partners cannot fucking cook. She WILL still give you shit for it, don't get me wrong, but in an affectionate way. (Unfortunately, Jules's affectionate shit-giving looks a lot like regular shit-giving, especially to people from outside her particular social culture, but trust me, there is a difference.)

#abt.jules.tbt

[writedisaster]

        actually jules is a diversity win for this blog because she's our first bottom-leaning butch

#abt.jules.tbt #n.s.f.w. text /// #//jim is a service top and pliers is a top leaning vers. and dyalla is only tangentially butch but she's a balanced vers