#all i want to do is take a knife to all the fat and rup it all off. like slicing meat

[cosmiicfairy]

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#the way that this wedding has made me feel so absolutely awful about myself today lol #i spent 8 hours in a chair getting my hair cut and colored yesterday and all i see when i look at myself #is makeup on a fat pig. #i hate myself so much for what I've let happen to my body. i was doing so good exercising and eating right and now I've gained 30 pounds #back from the 50 i lost and i just #no dresses will fit me. none have arrived despite the 3 separate ones I've ordered #and i feel so dysphoric #all i want to do is take a knife to all the fat and rup it all off. like slicing meat #i want to cut off every part of myself and melt it down into a different body #i hate everything about myself and i just. don't want to exist #self harm // #vent // #self mutilation //