#also I'm gonna elaborate more on parts of this and it'll become my second video essay probably

[lttleghost]

El Camino makes me want to Chew My Arm Off

(I know I’ve made several posts about this movie and my problems with it but I just have to put all of my thoughts down or I’m going to explode)

so, Breaking Bad's sequel movie, El Camino… I’ve tried to like it so long, I’ve seen it 5 or 6 times, and the first few times I saw it I was firmly in denial and thought I enjoyed it even if I had a couple of arguments with it… but I’ve hit this tipping point where I just can't pretend anymore, and I just… hate this movie. and it seems like I shouldn't, right? being a Jesse lover I should be happy that he gets a hopeful, if slightly bittersweet, ending, right? because he does get a somewhat happy ending… right?

except… does he? like even when I was trying to force myself to like El Camino, I was a bit upset by the ending; it seems to be asking a lot of me to believe that Jesse is really getting a particularly hopeful “new beginning” when he’s still alone and without support and now can’t even ever confide in anyone without majorly risking revealing his identity and getting arrested. I also always felt that after the first half of the movie Jesse’s PTSD was kinda… downplayed? and I just have this feeling that might’ve been done with the purpose of making Jesse’s “hopeful” ending a lil more believable considering the circumstances, but I admit that particular aspect might just be in my head.

so that’s not great obviously, or at least it pokes a bit of a hole in the tone of El Camino’s ending for Jesse, but what really tipped me over the edge was realizing what the story communicates in presenting it’s ending as more hopeful and bittersweet instead of just kinda depressing. it communicates that what Jesse needs to do to have a happier life is just make the right choices from now on. BECAUSE YA KNOW, THIS DRUG ADDICTS PROBLEM WAS HE JUST WASN’T MAKING THE RIGHT CHOICES!!!!

and I want to believe that this wasn’t intentional, I know the writers at least sympathize with Jesse, but there are scenes within El Camino that just make it really really hard for me to believe that on some level that isn’t what you’re supposed to take away from it, primarily this one -

and this scene which follows it a short time afterwards -

I think that we’re supposed to agree with what’s being said by the disappearer guy and Jesse in these scenes, that Jesse is in fact at least somewhat responsible for where he ended up. It’s hard for me to imagine that they’re scenes where you’re expected to say “oh fuck OFF!!” and “sweetheart I understand why you think that but no, they fucked up” at the screen respectively. 

now, it’s very in character for Jesse to say what he did to his parents. children who are neglected tend to blame themselves for their own hardships - and I bet Jesse also just wants to lessen the guilt that his parents might feel in general if he can cause he’s a sweet person… but I don’t understand why it was necessary to have the disappearer guy say what he said. he could have said any number of things besides “you made your own luck” to Jesse in response to Jesse not quite having enough money for an identity change, including something simple like the cost of his services is the cost of his services, no exceptions.

and since Vince Gilligan does seem to believe that there is possibly a perfect way to pull off the ending where Jesse did end up in jail even if he couldn’t write it himself I’m even more sure that he’s got a fundamental misunderstanding of the responsibility Jesse has in his actions and what might actually be useful for solving the problems Jesse does have. like yeah, Jesse’s gonna feel guilty whether or not his actions were in his reasonable control because he’s a person who cares about others getting hurt, but I’m sorry, is repentance the actual solution to that? really?

cause, tell me this; how is it useful in any way to continue to “hold Jesse accountable” for his actions by the end of Breaking Bad, isn’t the purpose of doing that to prevent someone from doing the same harmful things again? what is the point of this in Jesse’s case? the only genuinely shitty thing that was his full responsibility and was something that he had a reasonable choice to not do was his attempt to sell drugs to the rehab group, but GUESS WHAT!? Jesse snapped himself out of that idea without much of the way of people telling him it was bad to do. I think this is a lesson learned! and I keep using the term “reasonable choice” for a reason, and it’s because sometimes someone has a choice to do something sure, but it’s unreasonable to expect that every single person will make the “right” choice, like most of the worst things that Jesse does are because he is backed into a corner and/or being manipulated by Walt! oh and Jesse being a drug dealer in the first place? a) selling drugs to people who are seeking them out isn’t actually this massive act of harm long as you’re honest about what you’re selling, people will always use drugs and need to get them from somewhere, also alcohol is more toxic and kills more people than meth does, and b) so while Walt had the choice between selling meth and… accepting help from other people who think that they owe him anyway, Jesse had the choice between selling meth and poorly paying jobs, one of which we see offered is ACTUALLY humiliating, not just “ooh I have to accept help sometimes”, and actually he’d have to do this all while lacking support or help from anyone except maybe his friends who are still very involved in the drug trade because his parents are shitty fucking people who weren’t prepared or willing to have a child that wasn’t “normal”. and it's not like this makes anything that he did good or that he didn't do anything wrong I'm not suggesting that he's a perfect person, but I don't think that what he did is uniquely bad in any way.

and even if I’m wrong and the movie is actually trying to get across that Jesse didn’t USE to have choices but NOW he does I think… the ending still wraps it up badly and it still communicates a bad message. like why are we led to believe that Jesse is going to make different choices from now on? not only does he still have no outside support or resources, but he has LESS options in regards to acquiring those things than he had at the beginning of Breaking Bad and a FUCKTON of new PTSD on top of that. like I think it’s unlikely that Jesse is going to get back into the criminal world but instead of me thinking that because his life circumstances have actually improved in the ways that they should’ve it’s because he’s been through so much horrible trauma in the past that he’ll “know better”. Jesse received trauma that we’re sorta meant to interpret as him learning from, punishment that he learned from, so that now anything genuinely miserable coming up in his life will simply seem better than what he’s already been through, again rather than actually having resources to make his rough patches in life better. El Camino still puts all of the pressure onto Jesse alone to have a better life. and I think that ultimately leaves us with an ending that is bleaker than it wants to admit

I don’t know how I could write El Camino to have the happy ending for Jesse that I both want and think he deserves, at least I’ve not been able to come up with anything that feels believable enough, so sadly I think that the best way to fix it is by changing the tone of the ending so that it does feel bleaker. maybe add in a little more focus on Jesse’s PTSD and that he doesn’t really know how to deal with it later in the movie as well, but still keep in everything that show’s Jesse’s kindness, like him feeding the spider Todd was keeping and the scene with the beetle that always brings the Undertale quote “despite everything it’s still you” to mind. if nothing else I’d hope that it’d make people think about how nothing about Jesse’s life circumstances have changed in a way that actually will allow him to thrive, and feel upset about it because he continues to persist in being a caring person in a world that never wanted him to be.

#El Camino #Breaking Bad #BrBa #Jesse Pinkman #meat.txt #this is my girlfriend dont touch him #this is long but I'm refusing to put it under a readmore #also I'm gonna elaborate more on parts of this and it'll become my second video essay probably