#also: finally got a confirmation that Inga is in fact dyslexic

[sovamurka]

Just read the most recent chapter of Exlibrium! FINALLY, I WILL LEARN WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO SASHA AND INGA. FINALLY, I WILL LEARN WHAT KIND OF MYSTERIOUS SHIT FUCKED THEM UP! FINALLY, I WILL LEARN WHAT MADE THEIR HAIR TURN GRAY-

#also: finally got a confirmation that Inga is in fact dyslexic #and that all this shit happened when Sasha finally found a book that was suitable for her #in his own words that's what best friends do: help each other and find ways to enjoy things for one another #and I'm crying T-T because they didn't deserve this shit. they deserved to just live and go to mcdonalds and libraries and stuff. #and the fact that a huge amount of guilt Sasha has is connected to what happened to his bff Inga because of him??? #like he legitimately wanted to end his life after that happened but he had 'a reason' to stay #and that reason is heavily implied to be Inga #AND NOW I FEEL THINGS- #and like- he has a LOT of reasons to feel guilty about it! #1) Inga had to endure the ink poisoning process because of him #2) Inga had risk her life and bind herself to what I can only call a 'magic trauma university' #(or otherwise 'pretty accurate depiction of what philology students in russian universities go through') #3) Inga had to be tested (like him) by the shitty council AND IT WAS NOT A PLEASANT EXPERIENCE #4) When Sasha got fed up with the council's lies and basically fell in love with a book character he started keeping things away from Inga #and even left her alone on the New Year's Eve that they were supposed to spend together #(action that arguably broke Inga's heart because we see everyone celebrating NY with their friends/families/lovers except for her: #she walks alone in the cold looking into her phone and crying - THAT WAS MESSED UP) #which caused her to wonder why her best friend started behaving like this because he never tried to do sth that will hurt her feelings #(and considering to what lengths he went just to find that damn book it's no wonder why she loves him so much) #and she got worried. and everyone judged her for trying to find him. #except for one person. that person happened to be the one who helped her find Sasha. #and this person also died in the process because went there. now imagine if Inga decided to go to that place instead of him. #imagine amount of guilt Sasha felt after that. yes he feels guilty enough because his friend died. #but imagine how much worse it would be if it was his best friend Inga who was just worried for him! #actually that's the worst thing that happened to them. #and the worst thing about it is that Sasha still can't accept Inga's unconditional love for him because he feels like he doesn't deserve it #but she continues to express her love anyway #and that's the reason why their emotional moments are while rare are still the most earnest raw and personal #sorry it turned into a rant #I am emotional today