#and I love what JF said most human beings are just trying their best to get through life

[atamascolily]

The cover art of Junior Jedi Knights: Promises by Nancy Richardson has Anakin about to be eaten by a giant green dragon on what appears to be Tatooine while Sand People lurk in the distance and a terrified Tahiri swings a gaderiffi stick at the dragon while trying not to trip over human skulls. So I'm all-in, despite the incredibly vague title.

Anakin dreams he's back in the Palace of Woolamanders with the golden globe (not the prestigious TV award), arguing with a Sith who turns out to be... himself! Becuse if you're not grappling with the legacy of your fucked-up grandfather, then what is even the point of being named after him?

(I get why Leia names him after her father. I really do. Still, was it necessary to give this poor kid EVEN MORE ANGST than his siblings?)

Tahiri wakes Anakin up. Her six-month trial period at the Academy is up, and she has to go back to Tatooine to tell Sliven, the leader of her tribe, her decision. *hums "Should I Stay or Should I Go"* Of course, we already know what the answer's going to be, but okay fine, field trip to Tatooine, let's go.

As you can imagine, Luke has Opinions about these two:

Luke Skywalker studied the look of defiance. Green eyes flashed, and white blonde hair surrounded a stubborn nine-year-old face. Luke’s blue eyes didn’t falter as he waited for the child to speak. It would not be long. Tahiri was rarely lost for words. Luke thought about the time she and his nephew, Anakin Solo, had snuck away from the Jedi academy. They’d returned to the Great Temple in the middle of the night. Tired and dirty, Tahiri had immediately begun chattering, trying to take all the blame for the adventure, trying to keep Luke’s punishment from extending to Anakin. What Luke hadn’t told either of them was that they were two of the most promising students he’d ever seen. There was no way he would expel either student. They would make great Jedi Knights one day-if they could keep out of trouble long enough to learn to use the Force.

Trouble seemed to find Tahiri and Anakin. Only last week they’d returned bruised and battered from Yavin 8, where they’d gone to help another candidate, a Melodie named Lyric, survive her changing ceremony. While on Yavin 8, the two candidates had fought giant black rodents, vicious snakes, and a red-bristled spider that trapped its prey in thick black webs and consumed it alive. Luke Skywalker believed that experience was the best teacher in the use of the Force, but Anakin and Tahiri always rushed headlong into dangerous situations.

That worried Luke.

I don't know why Luke is surprised, given that he knows Leia and Han's approach to parenting, and also he's ostensibly been teaching the twins. Compared to the trouble Jacen and Jaina get up to, Anakin's barely scratched the surface.

Tahiri says she doesn't want to go back to Tatooine, but Luke mentions his own issues about not going back to say good-bye to his family there, and asks Tahiri if she wants that. Then Luke goes to ask good old Peckhum to take them all to Tatooine - because this time, Luke's going, too.

And Luke had a strange feeling that Tahiri’s family, the Tusken Raiders, were dangerous as well.

No, REALLY? YOU THINK?

Ikrit's going to spend the entire book sleeping in Anakin's bed again, I see. Smart guy.

Tahiri has a pendant macguffin with her parents' thumbprints - a gift from Sliven. Sliven won't talk about Tahiri's parents, and she doesn't know why.

“All I know is that the Tusken Raiders are the only family I’ve ever known. The only family I have. If I choose to remain at the academy, I’ll lose them forever. I’ll truly be an orphan.”

I don't see why it's an all-or-nothing deal, except for drama, but... okay then.

“I feel so mixed-up right now. I’m about to return to the only home I know. It’s a place I hate and love, both at the same time. Just as I hate and love the Tusken Raiders. My life is as confusing to me as the golden globe. Except, unlike with the globe, I don’t have any clue about who I really am. I don’t even know if Tahiri is my real name, or just a name given to me by Sliven.”

TAHIRI *IS* YOUR REAL NAME, YOU ALREADY SAID HE WAS YOUR FATHER. Look, I sympathize with Tahiri's confusion, because it's GOT to be hard to feel like you never fit into either world you belong to, but... ADOPTED FAMILY IS JUST AS REAL (sometimes more so) than blood family and I hope the final moral will be Tahiri learning that.

Oh, and I thought Luke was coming along, but no, it's Tionne! This makes sense because Tionne was the one who found Tahiri on Tatooine in the first place, and also I love Tionne, so I'm happy the author's given her something to do in this book.

The Jedi instructor Tionne glanced back to make sure her two charges were seated. Luke Skywalker had sent her to watch over Anakin and Tahiri on Tatooine-to make sure that nothing harmed them. And that Tahiri returned to the Jedi academy, if she wished.

HAHAHA, I already know from the cover this is not going to work out, but hopefully Tionne will at least give it the old college try...

The Sand People are waiting for them, and there's some initial conflict, which Tahiri quickly smoothes over. Tahiri isn't wearing her face coverings or shoes, and Sliven is okay with that, so I guess this book isn't going to go the whole "unclothed flesh is abomination" route of other Legends books. Also, the narrative always refers to them as "Tusken Raiders" which is NOT what they call themselves - it's what the settlers call them. This is fine if we're seeing things from Anakin's or Tionne's POV, but not when it's Tahiri's! That's NOT how somebody raised by these people would think of them!! ARRGH!!

Anakin wishes they'd landed at Mos Eisley. LOL. Like Tionne would ever take you there. He's distracted by Tahiri re-uniting with her bantha, Bangor - Sliven says they don't name them, but Tahiri does anyway. Tahiri has a rappor with Bangor because he's an orphan, too... And here Sliven (rightfully) gets mad and says she's not an orphan and they need to go.

You will not be surprised to learn that Anakin Solo hates sand.

Oh, apparently, the rest of the Sand People don't trust Tahiri and they're the ones who issued the ultimatum that she has to choose between them or the Jedi. I don't know why Sliven negotiated this homecoming-of-sorts, but plot, I guess.

“Sliven knows that if I choose to remain at the academy the tribe will refuse to take me back. I think that having me return to make my decision was Sliven’s way of giving me one last chance to remain with the tribe, and with him.”

“It sounds like he truly cares for you,” Anakin offered.

“Cares?” Tahiri weighed the word thoughtfully. “In his own way, I know he does. But he’s never cared enough to give me the one thing in my life that I wanted. He has never told me the story of how he found me. And if he truly cared, he would give me my history,” Tahiri ended sadly.

I am 100% on Sliven's side here, although I sympathize with Tahiri's yearning to know more about her past.

There's a woman named Vexa, who hates Tahiri. She also hates Sliven because he brought an outsider into the tribe. If Tahiri lives, Sliven gets to lead, and if not, he's going to die. Tahiri is pissed because Sliven never mentioned this before.

(Tionne is doing all the translating here for some reason, even though Tahiri is speaking in Basic to Vexa, and it's not clear to me if the narrative has established that why she WOULD speak Basic?? But okay...yay, Tionne!)

Basically, Tahiri's trial is a version of a walkabout in the Dune Sea and Jundland Waste crossed with hide and seek to rejoin the tribe. If she doesn't do this, she has to go back to the Academy and Sliven dies. Now Tionne is pissed because neither she nor Luke knew this was on the table, and they don't want Tahiri getting hurt.

Sliven's bait for getting Tahiri to participate is the truth about her parents.... which seems really convoluted and complicated, but okay. Of course Tahiri accepts, so Anakin decides to go to. Tionne tells them no but Sliven says they'll fight her, so... there's that. Okay then.

(Sigh. Tionne, you're a Jedi! Use your words to persuade them! Sing them to sleep or something! Don't just stand there and... abdicate responsibility here!)

(Yes, I know this is JF and that's why Adults Are Useless, because this is an escapist fantasy for the youth, but... really? REALLY??)

Sliven was injured in battle with smugglers and taken in by Cassa and Tryst Veila, two moisture farmers, and their three-year-old Tahiri. He becomes part of the family - they teach him Basic, he teaches Tryst how to fight with a gaderiffi. In a plot decision that makes me wince, Tryst is instantly better than Sliven, despite the fact that Sliven has trained his entire fucking life with this weapon and I just... Can't Even... but Tryst was Force-sensitive and I'm just... THAT'S NOT HOW THE FORCE WORKS, OKAY???

Anyway, Sliven and Tryst are sparring, and the rest of the tribe (do they have a name?? apparently not) see them, think Sliven's being attacked, and kill Tryst and Cassa. Vexa wants to let Tahiri die, too, and Sliven refuses, so they make this stupid bargain. Apparently, the Sand Peoples' kids reach adulthood at nine, so that's why they're doing this now. Oh, and Sliven made the thumbprint necklace macguffin after Tryst and Cassa died, which is... really creepy. Sliven is consumed with guilt, and Tahiri lectures him about caring and I just... can't... even...

But she wants Sliven's thumbprint on the macguffin next to her parents, so at least she gets THAT right.

Anyway, they drop Anakin and Tahiri in the desert and ride off, and Tahiri nearly gets eaten by a tentacle monster (a Sarlacc? unclear) and Anakin has to save her, and I just... why. Tahiri grew up here, she should know how to handle this planet, not be rescued by Anakin, who's never been here in his life. Fuck that.

Next encounter on the wandering monster table is... Jawas! Anakin fixes their broken sandcrawler with his magic tech powers, but only after mind-tricking them into letting him aboard, and I just... I feel like this is ethically compromising and maybe somebody who's worried about becoming like his evil granddad maybe should be a bit more careful about manipulating the free will of sentient beings??

Anyway, they jump-start the crawler and the grateful Jawas give them food and water and a ride and two gaderiffi sticks. Womp rats scream in the distance. They find bodies. They're being stalked by a krayt dragon but Tahiri only thought to mention that now.

Krayt dragons were large carnivorous reptiles that lived in the mountains surrounding Tatooine’s Jundland Wastes. Some thought that the dragons no longer existed, that they’d become extinct when settlers came to Tatooine, exposing them to various infections as well as hunting them for food and trophies.

This is an interesting world-building detail I'd never heard before!

Anakin tries to mind-trick the krayt dragon, but it doesn't work, so Tahiri rescues him. They make it out, and keep going. They're almost out of water, and Tahiri finds a hubba gourd for Anakin's wounds. Tahiri decides to use the Force to call Bangor, and it doesn't work until she and Anakin call together. They get back just as Vexa's trying to declare Tahiri dead. Tahiri makes a dramatic entrance.

Sliven wins! He says this means Tahiri is now a part of the tribe for real. Tahiri disagrees:

“I now understand that I was never a Tusken Raider. The skills we both used to survive weren’t the skills of a Raider. We used the Force. And now I know that I’m meant to attend the academy. To grow strong, and to use that strength to break the curse of the golden globe, and one day become a Jedi Knight.”

WHAT. I DON'T KNOW WHY YOU DIDN'T USE ANY OF THE SKILLS SLIVEN TAUGHT YOU TO SURVIVE. WHAT. WHAT. WHAT.

(It's fine if that's Tahiri's decision - indeed, given the set-up of the book I would expect no less- but the reasoning here. I just... arrrrghhh.)

“What about Sliven? Won’t you miss him?” Anakin asked.

“That’s the hardest part,” Tahiri said sadly. “I love Sliven, but I know that I belong at the Jedi academy, not with the Sand People.”

“Then let us leave here,” Tionne said.

FINALLY TIONNE TAKES SOME AGENCY BESIDES STANDING AROUND AND LOOKING WORRIED.

But Tahiri gets Sliven's thumbprint on her pendant and take care of her bantha (forever!) and they leave. Anakin has a fever from his wounds. Luke is not pleased.

Luke Skywalker waited for the Lightning Rod’s cargo bay to open. Slowly the massive jaws of the bay yawned wide, revealing Luke’s nephew and Tahiri. Luke was pleased to see that the girl had returned. She belonged at the Jedi academy. He moved forward to greet the Jedi candidates.

“Welcome home-” Master Luke began. But his words caught in his throat as he stared at his students. Anakin struggled to stand and walk down the cargo bay’s ramp. Old Peckhum held one of his arms tightly, steadying him as hewalked. Anakin took several tottering steps, then fell forward. Luke anticipated his nephew’s collapse, and caught the boy in his arms.

Gently he lowered Anakin to the ground. Anakin’s academy jumpsuit was shredded on one side, revealing five gashes. There were dark circles under his eyes, and bruises were visible on his neck and hands. Tahiri knelt by her friend. The girl did not look much better, Luke thought in dismay. Spots of dried blood lined her jumpsuit in a pattern that looked like jaw marks. She, too, looked tired and hungry.

Luke’s eyes met Tionne’s for a brief moment. From her look of torment, he knew she’d tried her best to protect the children.

“Hi, Uncle Luke,” Anakin said with a small voice.

“What happened?” Luke asked in a voice full of worry.

“The Tusken Raiders had a little more in mind for me than just deciding whether or not to remain with the tribe,” Tahiri replied.

“We’ll talk later,” Luke said quietly to Tionne. “Right now, you are both going to the medical droid.” With that, he swept his nephew up in his arms and strode toward the turbolift, with Tahiri trailing.

I CAN'T. I CAN'T EVEN.

WHAT THE HELL IS LUKE GOING TO SAY TO TIONNE?

Anakin wakes up attended by a medical droid and also Luke. Leia wants Anakin home, but Han and Luke intervened. Remind me why Leia sent her kids here again? Doesn't she KNOW Luke's teaching style by now?

“Now get well, or Leia will never forgive me,” Luke instructed. Luke Skywalker sat beside his nephew as he slept. He wondered if the strange feeling of untold danger he’d sensed before sending the children to Tatooine had been a premonition of the promise Tahiri had chosen to keep. Luke closed his eyes and breathed a sigh of relief. At least the children were safe.

No, Luke, that was called BEING A RESPONSIBLE ADULT, and YOU MISSED IT YET AGAIN.

Anakin falls asleep and goes back to his dream from the beginning, and uses the Force "to control his inner self", whatever that means. Tahiri wakes him up. Ikrit makes a dramatic entrance.

The Jedi Master, his white fur and the stones of the Great Temple strangely blending, scurried from the corner and leapt onto the window ledge. “After all,” he rasped, “this is only one battle of good versus evil. There will be others, if you are not up to the fight.”

Thnks, Captain Obvious! Anakin and Tahiri decide to go ahead and Ikrit... runs away, because they have to do this On Their Own. Sigh. This time, they walk to the Palace of the Woolamanders and I don't know why they couldn't just do that in Book One. Sigh. The evil voices try to use Tahiri's history against her, and she cites ALL her parents in rebuffing them. YES, GOOD. Then they try to use Darth Vader against Anakin and he laughs and the evil subsides. YES, GOOD.

Anakin and Tahiri enter the globe and free the childrens' spriits. The globe shatters and I half-expected the temple to crumble to pieces as they leave but it doesn't. Apparently, Ikrit went to get Luke, who is waiting for them outside.

“You know everything?” Anakin asked his uncle, gesturing toward Ikrit.

Luke Skywalker nodded. He wrapped his arms around Anakin’s and Tahiri’s shoulders.

“I am very proud,” Luke said, his eyes meeting theirs.

Slowly the group walked back toward the Jedi academy. For the first time in a long time, Anakin and Tahiri were not heading toward danger, but simply toward the future-adventure, the Force, and their ultimate goal: to become Jedi Knights.

The end.

OKAY THEN.

So, I didn't think the globe arc was going to resolve so quickly, but okay, fine, whatever. I thought that was going to be an entire book on its own. Tionne is basically useless here, which annoys me and I don't even know why she came at all. Luke is incredibly irresponsible, and Ikrit doesn't do anything. WHY. WHY. SUCH A WASTE. Sliven deserves better, and this book makes me angry at Tahiri for treating him the way she does for most of it. The crappy worldbuilding makes me cranky. I didn't feel like Books 1 and 2 could benefit much from re-writes, but this one is crying out for fix-it fics because HONESTLY.

#star wars legends #junior jedi knights #book reviews #eu fuckery #what is canon #tatooine #jedi academy shenanigans