#and her icebreaker was 'what are your biggest kinks?'

[freepassbound]

Have you ever tried dating apps?

I have an account on one (for the last... year?) - I wouldn't say I've really tried, this time around? I wrote a profile but haven't been back to finalize it, never uploaded the six photos it wanted - and I haven't paid for it.

I did make a go of one - I guess it would be five years ago now? On the same site, actually - and did date someone for several months (almost half a year).

Right now I'm in a place where I don't really feel like my mental health is consistently in a good enough place, or that, between moving to teaching full-time again and still doing four or five hours of tutoring a week, I have the kind of available time I'd want to be able to devote to someone (which honestly isn't true from an outside perspective, but that's how it feels - and the mental health plays a big role in that).

And it just seems like there is nothing about dating sites, or apps, or whatever, that isn't a direct thrust into my biggest anxieties - I hate pictures of myself; I hate having to write very short, unnuanced, uniformly positive descriptions of myself (and I don't particularly like that that's all I get on other people, either - I want to see more about people, not less); I hate having to message first; and I hate, hate, hate having to make instantaneous yes/no decisions, which is how all of them seem to work now... I want to be able to dwell on it while I look at other people, I want to be able to say "I don't know" and come back and look again later, dammit! It's the Tinderization of the online dating ecosystem, and it's awful.

(And all of which is almost certainly why I still cling to the idea of meeting someone here - this place is a far better expression of ourselves than any dating site will ever be, you can follow and like and reblog from someone for ages, there's no pressure to post photos...)

One day I might really try again. I have no idea when that will be. I'll probably have to force myself to - I never really feel ready for it. The site that I have tended toward recently basically gutted itself and removed or heavily reduced the features I liked most about it, so I probably need to think of alternatives - which I should probably do anyway, because looking in more places is always better, right? But it'll still be awhile.

#I mean even aside from the whole D/s aspect #there's a *reason* my main fantasies involve a lady literally grabbing me and making me hers #the idea of the whole process of meeting strangers and dating just scares the hell out of me #and so I dream of somehow... avoiding it #and constantly come up with reasons to avoid it #like feeling I don't have the time #or feeling I need to work on myself #physically and mentally #or feeling like the sites won't work for me #(and yes I'm intentionally not mentioning which site I'm on) #even the only time it actually worked it wasn't how it's 'supposed' to go #she messaged first #and her icebreaker was 'what are your biggest kinks?' #which I somehow managed to answer honestly 😅 #and... bang zoom away it went #...I don't have a lot of confidence in that happening again #free floating anxiety #thank you for the question though #I imagine there has been a distinct undercurrent of... lonlieness?... in my tags recently that sparked it #asks #it is what it is

[koscheimaryas]

"SEND ME A SHIP AND I’LL TELL YOU ─" joshuacassandra cash

 send me a ship and i’ll tell you ─ starring cassandra and joshua!

where was their first date?: they met each other in a halloween party hosted by mutual friends, cassandra’s last resort to cheer herself up, that ended with her sporting very unenthusiastically drawn whiskers and cat ears that she found inside her closet. that night would’ve sucked had she not met the pre-med student joshua, that made her laugh like no one else ever had in her entire life. she probably knew he was the one that day; the way her ears rang and her cheeks hurt from smiling that much were enough proof of it. 

what my muse would do to cheer your’s up: every time joshua went to her place after a tough day, cassandra made sure that she only played cheerful, calming pieces in order to help him get his mind straight. inviting him over to binge-watch his favorite true crime shows always worked out as well, and as a last resort, sex was the ideal icebreaker.

who wakes the other up with kisses (and where)?: that probably depends on the day. joshua is always most likely to wake cassie up with sloppy kisses all over her face, making it hard enough for her to wander around dreamland for too long when her very own favorite fantasy was right beside her. there are times, however, where she wakes up before him, and these are days incredible enough for her to make sure he’s been kissed thoroughly before they get up from bed, with featherlight caresses that always end up with both of them panting and wearing the silliest, most satisfied smiles.

who would pour water on the other to wake them up?: oh, joshua definitely would. he’s stupid enough to pull such a prank and leave cassandra mad, with a scowl so unique that only her boyfriend would be able to provoke. 

how my muse would wake your’s up: cassandra always tests the waters by shaking him by his shoulders and then whispering as quietly as possible that it’s already morning, and he’ll be late for his first classes of the day if he doesn’t get up. “you shouldn’t have watched four episodes of Making a Murderer, Joshua. how the hell am i supposed to lift your big ass body since you won’t move?” she always ends up appreciating the peaceful face he makes when he’s asleep, peppering kisses all over his face while he can’t make fun of her by calling her a hopeless romantic. 

who would start a food fight while baking or cooking?: joshua, obviously. cassandra isn’t the best cook out there, always used to having people catering to her every need. her boyfriend, however, makes sure she won’t perpetuate her spoiled brat attitude by cooking what he knows and teaching the basics to her. somehow, she always ends up with flour all over her face, but he swears it wasn’t on purpose.

who would suggest putting marijuana in the brownies?: is that even a question? joshua nam, and he’s probably done it a hundred times. being the stoned bitch he is, he probably thinks watching cassandra get high is the funniest thing ever, and swears that baking pot brownies will enhance her cooking abilities. she’s never complained, though. 

who said i love you first and how (or when) did they say it?: as surprising as it can be, cassandra did. she’s usually not much of a talker and people misunderstand her all the time, but she made sure that joshua understoond her feelings the second she came around them herself. however, words would never be enough to explain how much she loves him. that’s the reason why she makes sure joshua is in every single piece she composes, every single loving line. 

who would get into a physical altercation over the other?: if cassandra was drunk enough, she definitely would.

who insists on purchasing a pet together (and what kind of pet)?: joshua does, and it would probably be a loud, stray dog, just like him. he’d insist on naming him chewbacca or whatever weird name from one of the star wars’ characters, and cassandra would wrap her mind around the possibility after a while. she’d end up loving the dog more than anything in the whole world. 

who is louder (in and out of bed)?: cassandra is louder in bed, but joshua is louder out of it. for someone who’s usually not that much talkative, she sure puts those vocal cords to use when they’re both sweaty and wrapped around each other in her sheets. out of bed, however, he’s the one who’s used to blabbering. 

who takes more risks (in and out of bed)?: joshua, and it is so not funny. cassandra’s already lost count of how many weird things he proposed they did when having sex, the night he made her dress up in a slave leia costume still embarrassing her every time she remembers it. she always goes all the way through the humiliation, no matter how terrible it is. deep down, she’s sure she’s got a submission kink. 

who would bring up the word ‘daddy’ first?: he would, but only so that he’d make her say it. and she does, even though it is extremely embarrassing. she loves how ridiculous it sounds. 

what is their shared, favourite kink?: they reach some kind of agreement by meeting each other halfway: it would probably be bondage, with any object bindable enough that they could put to use. even cassandra’s g-strings work out when it comes to it. 

describe their typical kiss: it’s usually a peck on the lips when they see each other for the first time in a day or the laughing, silly kiss that is deepened as both get a taste of what awaits them. 

how my muse shows their love for your’s: by looking at joshua with loving eyes, or naming a few compositions after him. most of them got “for joshua” scribbled down the far corner of the scores, and they’re usually her best works.

their favourite ways to give affection: kissing and just spending time with each other, no matter how. they love fridays the best because their nights are reserved to heading to their favorite bar and watching nba, the occasion being even better when their teams are playing. they usually spend the weekends together as well, since cassandra always takes joshua to her family’s sacred sunday brunch, where he is sweet-talked by every single friend of her mother.

who is more dominate?: that probably depends on the day, but cassandra likes to leave everything to joshua. she’d much rather spend all her nights under him, enveloped in his arms and his warmth. he definitely doesn’t hate being given free reign of her body. 

who sings in the shower?: joshua does, but he is tone-deaf and it hurts cassandra’s ears. she usually just hums whatever melody she got inside her head. 

who washes the other’s hair in the shower?: joshua loves to wash her hair, and cassandra would probably wash his if she ever reached his strands without giving herself cramps. she really loves the feeling of his fingers sliding down her blonde hair and taking extra care with every single step.

who initiates shower sex despite being in a rush?: cassandra does, since she’s the biggest morning sex enthusiast. she always lets joshua head into the shower first and then sneaks inside while he’s distracted. they usually end up late for their classes when that happens.

who teases the other under the table at dinner with the family?: joshua, obviously. since his family isn’t from new york, cassandra made sure he’d accompany her to every single choi dinner and brunch. whenever he feels she’s getting worked up, he puts his quick fingers to work.

who has the weirder taste in music?: cassandra, probably, since she’s used to listening to every kind of music in order to compose her own. she’s discovered a lot of different styles throughout the years, but classical stuck. 

who would initiate dancing in the rain?: joshua would, and it would make cassandra embarassed at first, but then she’d just shrug it off and laugh in complete delight. new york streets look beautiful when it rains, and even more beautiful with a couple so in love twirling around. 

who would be the one to suggest marriage?: joshua would voice the suggestion, but the possibility would be roaming inside cassandra’s mind for much longer. being from her family, it is only fair that her mother would touch the subject way before they completed one year together. “the more choi, the merrier”, she would say. and cassandra would surprisingly agree, as long as it meant she had joshua by her side.

what would they name their children?: they’d give them names that are easy to spell, but that would still be approved by her mother. definitely something to reminisce the choi glory.

who would their children take after more?: the girl would be a carbon copy of her father, as lively and silly as he is, always the life of the party. she’d admire joshua more than anything, and cassandra wouldn’t even care the fact that her daddy is her daughter’s favorite. the boy, however, would be disgustingly cassandra choi. he would not be much of a talker, and would probably take on her music genes, but he’d always voice his concerns to his mother, who would be there to aid him every time.

#siegfriedens #𝐭: answered #𝐨𝐭𝐩: cassandra x joshua #haaaaaaaaaaaa