#and i dont wanna waste time in an actual sickfic writing it

[bellysoupset]

"I'm not hungry," Lucas mumbled, as he slid in the backseat of the car that had been sent for them and Bella frowned.

She felt incredibly out of her depth. She could do caretaking, but she had no idea how to do emotional caretaking. Her family's unspoken policy with emotional troubles had always been "nothing a couple beers couldn't fix".

Luke was doing his best to show he was somewhat collected, but at least with her he wasn't bothering pretending and Bell was glad for that, she was happy he trusted her entirely... She just had no idea of how to fix it.

"I didn't ask if you were," she wrinkled her nose, pushing the bagel towards his mouth, "eat up."

Lucas groaned, but took the bagel, starting to tear it apart in his hands and force little, pathetic bites in his mouth. Bella looked up, catching the chauffeur glancing at them, but he quickly averted his gaze.

This was the salt in the wound, the fact that her husband was falling apart and yet here they were, in this farse, playing happy house with Kit Howard. Where there were drivers and Lucas felt the need to flash bright, horrible smiles whenever someone talked directly with him.

She watched from the corner of her eye as Luke gave up halfway through the bagel and instead just curled up against the door, staring at the changing scenario. They were supposed to have gotten there in the morning, but an emergency cuddle session had been needed, so they exchanged the tickets. It was amazing what the black card with A T W O O D stamped on it could get, Bella thought sourly, sliding closer to him.

"Hey, look at me," Bell cupped Luke's cheek and pressed her lips into a thin smile when she noticed his sad stare. He swallowed in, forcing up a tiny smile.

"I'm okay, Bell-"

"Don't," she shook her head, "don't lie to me. To everyone else, but not to me, okay?" she stroked his cheek, "let's make a decent holiday out of this, Luke. I know being here was the last thing we wanted and I know the timing isn't exactly good and that you're not feeling well, but... We can make a good thing out of a bad one, right?"

He nodded slowly, "at least we're not at Vince's," Lucas whispered, bitterly and Bella opened a surprised smile. She giggled, bumping her nose against his.

"Yeah, it would be hella awkward when I clawed his face off mid Christmas dinner."

"You'd never, you fucking love him," Luke rolled his eyes and Bella grinned at the playful tone, however weak it was.

"Oh, trust me, I can love the guy and still claw his fucking face off. Try me," she pressed a kiss over his lips, then pulled back and grabbed the ditched bagel on his lap, "finish it up."

"I'm full..."

"That's all you've had to eat today," Bella glared at him, "you're not full, babe. Now eat."

It was another twenty minutes as they entered his gated community and then Bella felt her stomach drop to her feet. Luke had prepared her for it. He had shown her pictures, a fucking Architecture Digest tour of his house - Kit grinning with those overly white smile of his -, but nothing could've prepared her for the sheer enormity of it all.

"God... This is sick," she whispered, gluing her nose to the car window and watching the mansion grow as it came closer. She tried to imagine Lucas, a little version of him, in that house, but couldn't. In fact, Bell couldn't imagine anyone living there, period.

"Your dad lives here all by himself?" she whispered, half amazed, half horrified and Luke shrugged.

"He's rarely home, he's always touring," he leaned closer, pressing a kiss to her shoulder, "some things don't change."

"So back then... It was just you and your mom...?" which someone made things worse, not better. One adult and a child in that haunted fucking mansion. It was a wonder that Luke was so well adjusted.

"Yeah," he pressed a kiss to her cheek, "and the staff."

"The staff," she wrinkled her nose. She was the staff, Bella knew it quite well. Her mother would be the staff, Bella herself, in another reality, "they don't count?" she raised her eyebrows, voice all bitter and Luke shook his head.

"Of course they do, I used to spend more time with them than with my own mother," he sighed, "dad fired everyone when she passed though, I don't know the new people well enough."

Reason number a hundred why Bella hated Kit Howard, she thought, squeezing Luke's hand as the car finally came to a stop.

She expected Kit to come out to greet them, but instead it was a chubby lady, with a friendly smile on and curly very blonde hair. She was a short little woman, half of Bell's size.

"Oh hi...?"

"Bella, this is Mary Ann," Lucas introduced them, "she runs everyone and everything in this house, dad included. Mary this Bella, my wife."

"Nice to meet you, Mrs. Atwood."

Bella cringed, "nice to meet you too, but it's just Bella," she shook the woman's hand, then looked around awkwardly.

"Mr. Howard is in the studio," Mary said, to Luke, who let out a little sigh.

"Of course," he wrapped an arm around Bella's shoulders, "c'mon, let me show you around."

She half wished he hadn't shown her around. The house was a fucking mausoleum, as far as Bell was concerned. Unlike the Sicily house, that only had one picture of Veronica, this one was filled with them. Every wall Bella looked at, there was Luke's mom plastered, with a fake smile on.

It was no wonder he didn't visit, she thought, avoiding Veronica's judgy eyes and trying to make any sense of the floorplan. Not even halfway through, though, she gave up. The place was a maze.

"And here's my old room," he finished up the tour, falling backwards on the gigantic bed and Bella stopped at the door, looking around. There was only one picture of his mom, sitting on the fireplace mantle. Veronica, glaring at the camera, one blurry hand out trying to block it.

Bella felt like she could almost hear the woman's exasperated "Lucas!"

Besides that, there were books. So many books, shelves littering the walls. Two posters with football players she didn't recognize, a deep blue wall behind his bed, an abandoned PS4 console under the flat screen TV, one framed shirt that was signed.

"So?"

"Not messy enough to be yours," she said, then crossed the room to stand in front of him, "I'm surprised that I like it."

Luke wrapped his arms around her, leaning to rest his cheek on her chest, looking around, "it's not bad."

"Yeah, I was imagining something more... Kardashian," she teased him and could feel him grimace and scoff against her.

"Don't say that around dad unless you want a whole rant," he whispered, "c'mon, let's go say hi."

"...Your dad isn't home," she pulled back, "he's in the studio, you heard Mary."

"That's the basement level," Lucas stood up, running a hand through his hair and forcing a smile, "let me show you."

--------------------

"Has Luke shown you the tapes yet?" Kit asked, lazily sprawled on his big chair, while Lucas sat in front of him and Bella dug through a box filled with old vinyl's.

She hated that they had so many good ones.

"The tapes?" She said, at the same time Luke whined:

"Dad, noooo-"

"Oh yeah, the tapes," Kit sounded so smug, getting up and opening a big black cabinet across the studio. Bella turned her body so she could get a better view and noticed there were multiple black folders, with white labels, stacked side by side. At least twenty filling up the whole cabinet.

Kit grabbed the 5th one, unzipped it and then flipped through the pages where white CDs with black markings were slotted in. Bella raised her eyebrows, shocked by the sheer amount of music.

"Here," the older man slid a CD out, then fed it to his sound system, folding his hands behind his back, while Luke let out a groan.

The song was mellow, with just an acoustic guitar and a drummer far in the background. Bella frowned, looking at Lucas all puzzled, only to widen her eyes as the first lyrics started and a very familiar voice sung it.

Luke, except his voice wasn't as deep, much breathier.

"Is that you!?"

"He recorded it all on his own," Kit sounded so proud, "his mother wouldn't let me include it in the album, though, and Lucas refuses to let me release it now."

"It's embarrassing," Luke's face was all red, "I was thirteen."

"Can I get a copy of that?" Bella asked, smiling so much her cheeks hurt, "has Jonah heard it before?"

"NO," Lucas glared at her, and she wasn't sure which question he was answering, probably both.

"I'll get a copy done for you, Bella," Kit smiled at her and Bella felt her disdain for the man fade just a little bit. Not much, just a tad.

#okay this is NOT a sickfic #its just context i think its necessary for the rest of christmas #and i dont wanna waste time in an actual sickfic writing it #no ending just Thoughts #lucas atwood #isabella martinez #mywriting