#and if this is a precursor to her gettting fucking worse again and going back to inpatient

[lesbianuhaulindustrialcomplex]

I did something recently that hurt my mom's feelings and the world has come to a fucking halt about it. Everyone keeps reaching out to me to be like "hey you hurt your mom's feelings idk if you know" even though she and I have extensively talked about it and I've given multiple genuine apologies because she keeps going to everyone who will still talk to her in our family (not very many people) and complaining about me and I'm just like. Genuinely I am very remorseful that I hurt my mother but like. Where the fuck was all this energy when she was hurting her fucking children for 30+ years?

#i technically uninvited her to something #the situation is that i planned a whole birthday party for myself and then BECAUSE MY MOM PICKED A HUGE FIGHT WITH ALL OF HER SIBLINGS #like 75% of the people i invited (my aunts and uncles and cousins) canceled on me #so i canceled my birthday party but asked my brother sister and my brothers wife to still come over that night #they were only coming to see my apartment for the first time. our plan was to get kind of drunk and loud and do karaoke on my couch #my mom has seen my apartment dozens of times #ive invited my parents over for multiple casual dinners. they HATE driving to my area bc its too busy #my mom HATES loud chitchat and music and bad singing and staying up late. #all things we did that night! #and if i were confident i could extend a polite invitation that would have been turned down for inclusion's sake then i would have done that #but i fucking didnt invite her! because she would have said yes! and then she would have been policing the event and my behavior all night! #BECAUSE SHE IS A DIAGNOSED NARCISSIST WHO DOESN'T HAVE THE SKILLS TO PREVENT THIS KIND OF BEHAVIOR #and i know she can't really help it. i know her life was so fucking hard. but she made MY life hard. she STILL makes my life hard. #i just wanted one fucking night to have fun with people that love me. just one fucking night! and she tried her VERY best to ruin that #even without an invite #and tbh in some ways she really succeeded in ruining it. half the fucking time was spent talking about her and how to handle this situation #and if this is a precursor to her gettting fucking worse again and going back to inpatient #im just fucking tired of it man