#and im never going to be able to maintain friendships bc i cant fix the things that are wrong without support from friends

[gaystardykeco]

the problem with vacation is that now in three days i have to go back to working and being alone the rest of the time and idk if i can handle it

#cw suicide #genuinely i dont think i can handle that anymore like the idea of going back to that makes me want to die so bad #like its so lonely and work is so bad #what am i supposed to do when work makes me want to kill myself #and i have nothing to look forward to outside of work bc i lost all my friends and cant make more without inevitably hurting and losing the #and the only shot i have at a new job would mean i have to move to a more expensive city that i dont want to live in on short notice #and take major pay cut to the point where idk if id actually be able to afford to live there #and then potentially be in the same kind of work situation as here where i feel alienated from everyone and am shitty at my job #like im just always going to feel like this bc im bad at what i do so no job is going to be better #and im never going to be able to maintain friendships bc i cant fix the things that are wrong without support from friends #but i cant ask for support from friends bc that just leads to me emotionally draining them till they leave #and im so fucking tired i just feel like some ppl arent meant to survive and im one of them #like im just not built to exist or to be a real person ultimately me dying is the best thing for everyone at this point #sorry to be suicidal on here i try not to but lately its just all so constant and overwhelming #i just have nothing to look forward to as soon as this trip is over #like i had one more thing which was a friend visiting next week but we havent really been speaking so i assume thats off #and i just. idk im fucking tired and empty and lonely and nothing helps and i cant deal with being the only person that can fix me anymore #ive tried for so many years to fix me and apparently im the only one that can and i just keep failing so i clearly dont deserve to live