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#and in my first bad year with ocd it was practically drilled to my head that God doesn't hate
maganne-bonete · 2 months
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Actually I'm coming into terms that I might have a divinity kink in this fine early start of the lenten season
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Peppermint
The dark streets aren't a place for anyone or anything at night, that is... except for the ones who have no place within the light to begin with. 
I and the others I am meeting are the exception. 
I waltz down the carriage lanes of this old sleepy town in my favorite dark jeans and a black knitted sweater, a forest green cloak draped over me with the hood down, catching wisps of dark figures in the corners of my eyes. These creatures are not quite of this world, nor is the figure, visible only by the translucent outlines of white waltzing along with me tonight. The common folk need not fear these creatures, unless you know they exist they are impartial. Then even if you do, leaving out some seeds and honey as an offering will keep you from harm, give them blueberry tea if you want some good luck. 
Tonight I climb the hill just beyond the old yew tree the fae adore and that everyone refuses to cut down least they fear a despicable end. No one besides me and a few others dare to climb it at night, they say strange things happen there, dark figures prowling about almost like regular animals, yet their limbs too long and narly. When climbing you’ll get an ice chill down your spine, a sinking feeling in your gut and the one clear thought you can manage out is something along the lines of: I should not be here. 
The way I and the other I am meeting ward this off is by leaving generous offerings before we ascend. I find McDonald's fries generally please them, so arriving at the foot I leave four extra large fries and a pack of chicken nuggets, right beside my coven’s other offerings. I can see no figures awaiting me from where I stand, a bad sign usually but I start up the hill against my better judgment. 
Reaching the top, my calves are burning, the trek never gets easier. I lean down to massage my right calf, my dyed red hair falling around me and pale skin a sharp contrast in the full moon’s light. As my hood falls over my eyes I spot two figures lying on the ground, one covered with a light blue cloak, dark tightly braided hair and face peeking out, the other a maroon cloak and a hot pink dress. 
I address the girl with the maroon cloak first “You hiked this thing in heels? What are you? Cat woman girl?” I ask rummaging through my bag for my supplies. 
Bonita laughs “You wish hun, got your supplies?” she says sitting up elbowing Makena. 
I nod, both of them standing and whipping out their supplies from their own bags. 
We start to set up the temporary alter as Makena speaks, getting our attention “Bonita, Roxy-” she hesitates on her next words, half way done her particular task to set up “This might be the last time we pray and do a spell together, you know, with all of us off to college in a few weeks,” she says, her voice wavering a bit while fiddling with her long curly hair. 
Bonita’s eyebrows shoot up and she makes a face before chuckling “If you’re implying that we’re gonna grow apart sweetie while we’re in college you better evaluate dear Roxy’s OCD level schedule of communication and visits,” 
Makena blushes and shrinks but laughs with us at my expense. 
We make short work of setting up the rest of the altar and preparing to pray. 
Tonight I’m going to pray to Sarasvati for help forming and performing my Valedictorian speech, something I desperately need. I’ve been rewriting it for a week now and still haven’t made any headway. I also need to pray to my main hoe Soma to make Grad amazing and Dhat to bless the spell we’re about to do. I’m not sure what Bonita and Makena pray about, or who to, guess I never really asked. Regardless we each get into our preferred positions and pray to whichever gods and goddesses we choose about whichever we want. 
The graduation ceremony took place in pitch black, the sun already set, small shifts of movement coming from the rows of seats and the rafters, family and supporters brought together alive and passed, human and not. The only light coming from the spotlights on the stage as Principle Chiba gave an inspirational and touching speech that moved everyone here. Applause began and continued as I replaced Mr. Chiba at the podium, soon it died down and I spoke a silent prayer I would do well before I began.
“Fellow classmates, graduates of 2018, I will not bore you with a lengthy speech going on about things that don’t matter, we all have better things to do. Instead I will give you some words of advice given to me by someone I miss dearly, who has gone on to University in a very far away place yet I remain close to. That advice is to simply, remember to call. Call to say how beautiful the leaves are on the trees outside your dorm window. Call to ask how they’re doing. Call to just say I miss you. Call to make them open their bedroom window because they’re home for the Holidays and you’re outside freezing, 20 ft up in the air on a tree and regretting every life choice you’ve made up to that point. So call, it keeps you close to those you care about. Thank you.” 
I don’t think we called enough. 
Sitting here, awkwardly in this cafe we used to come to in high school when conversation just flowed, I wonder what went wrong. I know we didn’t follow the schedule, school and life got in the way, but… that shouldn’t stop us from reconnecting.
“So, any special someone in your guys lives?” I ask, a small forced and nervous smile on display as I grasp my mug. 
My sister Sofia shoots me a sarcastic thumbs up. I’m tempted to flip her off. 
Bonita nods “Their name’s Avery, they’re pretty nice,” she says looking down into her mug.
“I’m not seeing anyone right now actually,” Makena says, taking a bite of her pastry. 
I nod my head, this is not going well “That’s nice,” I take a sip from my mug, racking my brain to come up with something to start a decent conversation. 
Makena pretends to get a text and looks at her phone “Sorry guys, it’s been fun but my mom wants me home to make sugar cookies, see you later!” she says practically sprinting from the table.
I know she was pretending because she always has her ringer on, in high school it used to get her into so much trouble. 
I remember when it went off in the middle of a lock down drill, school took it away for three days, and like any teenagers would we concocted elaborate schemes to get her phone back. None of them worked of course, including the one where Bonita tried to tell the receptionist she was Makena was mom, but we had fun nonetheless. 
“I should actually go too, I got some stuff that I need to attend to,” Bonita says laughing half halfheartedly.
I nod and watch her awkwardly leave. Letting out a defeated sigh I let my head fall into my arms. Why was talking to them after a year so hard?
“You ok?” my sister asks, sitting down across from me. 
The phase sent me over the edge, tears started spilling into my cardigan then running down my cheeks as I lifted my head. Unable to speak, I shake my head. 
She grabs a tissue from her bag and hands it to me “You know you could always try doing something you guys used to do back in high school together,” she suggests sipping her drink.
I sniffled “I don’t know, I noticed Bonita wearing a cross and Makena started wearing a hijab,” I used the tissue to wipe away the tears “They’ve changed a lot…”
My sister nods “Sorry I’m not more help…” 
“It’s ok, they’re allowed to change it’s just I didn’t expect them to so much,” I say, my phone starting to vibrate. 
It’s Vincent, one of my new friends from Uni, I answer it “Hey tic tac, whatcha need?”
He laughs “Nothing, just want to know how the old reunion is going,”
“Not well, but I know that’s not why you’re calling, what did you do this time?”
“Can’t a friend bug another friend anymore? And besides it’s not me, it’s your roommate, apparently she accidentally turned your sheets orange when washing them,” 
I chuckle, and rub my face “How bad is it?”
“Bad, very bad, looks like leftover prison suit material was used, then bleached in some places,” 
I laugh genuinely “I’ll be sure to pick up new ones when I get back then,” 
“Good, those sheets have seen better days. What’s up with your friends? Thought you were really excited to see them,”
“Well, I was, but… they’ve changed a lot. They’re not the people I used to know back in high school and I don’t know how to reconnect with them,” 
Vincent sighs “You’re not gonna like what I have to say about this but you need to hear it,-” he pauses and I scrunch up my face. What could he possibly have to say that I wouldn’t like? “-Sometimes, through no fault of anyone involved, relationships just… don’t last,”
I blank for a second, shocked he’d even say something like that. “What the hell? What am I-” 
“You didn’t let me finish!” he interrupts his voice weakly raising an octave. I huff but let him continue“Sometimes they don’t last because people just change too much, and that’s no one fault, people need to change so they can grow. And sometimes that means you change so much people lose connection because there’s nothing to connect with. That doesn’t make sense, umm, ok, take two people at the start of a relationship. They both love to… drink coffee so every day they go out to drink coffee,”
I chuckle a little raising an eyebrow “Coffee? That’s the best you can come up with?”
He shushes me playfully “Anyways, so a little later in this friendship one decides to give up coffee due to Insert Reason Here and they stop hanging out as often. Since their entire relationship is based on coffee and now that’s been taken away, they don’t have anything in common. They drift apart and remember each other as a good friend they had,”
I nod and ponder what he said “So… people can just drift apart? In that situation aren’t you supposed to try to make new common interests?” 
“Yah, but sometimes that just doesn’t happen for whatever reason and that’s where my wisdom comes in!” I can feel his overblown and ridiculously camera smile of annoyance from the other side of the country.
“I’m throwing a pillow at you when I get back,” I say going to hang up, his laughter ringing out. 
My sister’s nowhere to be seen, probably went to the washroom. I remain sitting, my drink all gone and the sun dipping down to paint everything a nice shade of orange. 
I wonder if Vincent had a point. I had tried to reconnect with my friends, but they just… were too changed from when I knew them… I could keep trying, but how many times would I sit through awkward conversations that lead nowhere before we reconnected or they started making up excuses not to come? 
I sigh out loud and play with my empty cup. Why do people and relationships have to be so difficult? 
I realize Vincent’s right… Why for the love of the gods does Vincent have to be right this one time? 
Sighing again I begrudgingly move up my flight up to this Thursday, two days from now. My parents moved after I graduated high school and my sister was seeing her friends so it wasn’t like it was an inconvenience to anyone. 
My sister reappears and sits down “Sorry, didn’t want to interrupt your phone call, had to go to the washroom,” 
“That’s ok, I was just about to leave, -” I stand up and hesitate to continue “-I also moved up my flight to this Thursday…”
“You sure? Shouldn’t you try to reconnect a little harder?” she asks, walking with me to the door.
I sigh “Yes, sometimes people just grow apart and despite their best efforts they just don’t recover,” I mentally kick myself for quoting Vincent, the jerk would never let me live it down. I grab a peppermint from the little bowl as we exit and pop it in my mouth.
“Sounds like you’ve made up your mind.” she comments getting in her rental car “Want me to drive you to the airport?”
“Sure, I’d like that,” I say with a sad smile. 
Watching her drive off and getting into my car, I feel my heart droop, finally realizing that was the last time I’d probably see my old friends again but, I also feel like a sense of dread has been scrubbed off of me. 
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feuilly-cakes · 4 years
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Wayward Children books 2-5 Review
Author: Seanan Mcguire
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I compiled my reviews for the rest of this series into one post for the simple fact that I read them all so quickly. My thoughts changed hour by hour and so I wanted to get them all in one place.
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Down Among the Sticks and Bones (book 2)
I found this a fascinating exploration of Jack and Jill’s characters. The takes on gender roles and parental expectations were hard hitting and real, I really felt bad for these girls with their ridiculous parents. The Moors were just the right amount of creepy in my opinion; the danger was there and known but it wasn’t scary to the point where I found it difficult to read. I could appreciate the grimness of the world without being put off by it. I do think as a backstory it was very good, but I think if I had picked it up as a stand-alone I would have been less interested in it. Knowing what became of the girls after the end of the book while I was reading it upped the tension and the desire to find out exactly how that had happened, and if I had been taking it at face value as an adventure story without the big consequences after the end I wouldn’t have been so invested I think. That being said, I really enjoyed it and I was excited to get through to the next book Jack was in. 
Here are my thoughts on the characters as they stand by the end of this book:
Jack: I relate a lot to Jack in this. I kept forgetting she was a girl in the first book and she was mostly a character that was vaguely interesting but not someone I could relate to, so this connection was unexpected. Her OCD (or what looks like it anyway) is probably a big factor in this, but she’s also very queer, though not in the same way as me. Very relatable. Her struggle with caring about her sister while also being a victim of her was also pulled off wonderfully. She was the one I was rooting for in this.
Dr Bleak: I thought that Dr Bleak would be cruel or heartless, but I was pleasantly surprised. He’s a stern, practical man, but he cares for Jack and treats her well. He wants her to stay and to flourish in the Moors, and aside from toughening her up a bit for practicality’s sake he doesn’t want to change her.
Jill: She annoyed me. I understood why she is so messed up, but there’s no doubt in my mind that she is a villain in this. Certain events didn’t need to happen but she wanted them to, and ruined lives while doing so, and so any sympathy for her for what the Master did to her immediately vanished.
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Beneath the Sugar Sky (book 3)
I thoroughly enjoyed this book. The adventures through the realms were super exciting, as was seeing the original characters (from the first book that is) Rini was hilarious but also had depth and I felt so sad for her. I also nearly decided to count the amount of times people said vagina because of her but decided that would be far too difficult since it got mentioned a lot in a short space of time. She’s truly a character that one. I was surprised that Rini wasn’t the main character, not that there really are main characters in this book, but we mostly see things from the perspective of Cora, who I thought was nice but the self consciousness and self hatred got a bit much with her at times. She’s a byproduct of bullying and it’s all a bit dark in her head. I did enjoy her character though. The adventure was great. I was on the edge the whole time, because I felt Sumi’s death in the first book was super tragic and shocking, so I was rooting for them to fix that little hiccup the whole time. I’m also hoping that we get to see more of Layla in future books, because I feel she has great potential and could end up being a fave of mine. The illustration of her really made me in awe. Most of the illustrations in this book were lovely, but that one in particular was gorgeous.
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In An Absent Dream (book 4)
This review is going to be a longer one, as I have a lot of feelings about this book. First, Lundy's tale was by far the most high-stakes and stressful for me so far in the series, barring the actual murder plot of the first book. Something about the way it was written, I'm guessing. With every new development I was more and more on edge; by the halfway point I was convinced something terrible was going to happen to Moon because of her increasing debts, and 3/4 in I had to put the book down for a day because it got so intense. The Goblin Market itself seems like a cruel and unforgiving place, even as the people within are all caring for each other. The descriptions were reminiscent of a Studio Ghibli setting, and I could see the appeal, at least aesthetically. The rules were what made it seem cruel to me, so I guess I would never have had a door there myself. One thing I didn't really call was that final scene at the market... [sp*ilers over on my goodreads ]
I related to and grew frustrated with Lundy in equal measure. Every time she made a sensible move it seemed as though she made an equally stupid decision not long afterwards. Knowing her far off future just made that frustration worse. The whole time she was in the Goblin Market or making plans to go back to the Market, I couldn't help but think of her poor family. How awful would it be to be treated like she treated them, to be discarded like she discarded them? She never felt guilt for all the worry she caused them, not even when she ran away for 2 years. Sure, sending her to boarding school was a bad move, but so was running away without even a note to say goodbye.
I suppose sometimes the best someone can do isn't the right thing to do, and this book sort of drills that message into your head, what with all the mistakes these characters make all the way, and the prices they have to pay.
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Come Tumbling Down (book 5)
I had a prediction for this book: Jack was going to be turned into a vampire because Jill could no longer become one. The real events seemed far more ridiculous and a bit funny, until, as all things relating to the Moors, reality set in and it quickly turned horrifying. The way Jack fell apart due to her circumstances was absolutely heartbreaking and... well, let's just say it hit too close to home. The quest itself was fantastic - I enjoy when characters react to other worlds, and the way the rest of Jack's world was explored in more depth was fascinating. This story was the one I had been waiting for since reading Down Among the Sticks and Bones, where the girls could have gone in any direction and ended up away from the Moors, so the fact that we get to see one of those other directions in the form of the Drowned Gods was exciting and fulfilling. The conclusion to Jack and Jill's story was satisfying to the maximum. It was dark and real and exciting, the perfect ending to their story arcs, and though it all got wrapped up perfectly (to my tastes) and the story of Jack and Jill is over, Jack's story is really beginning anew. She does have a threat still lurking over her after the end, and it allows speculation as we are left to wonder what happens to her after [sp*ilers redacted]
Definitely one of my favourites of the series.
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