#and it's wll my mental illnesses! i know that!

[askyancy]

So uh

Visitation days comin up and I uh.... A lots happened ya know? Are youse... All still able to make it? It- it seems like a lot o youse dont wanna talk to me no more or dat youses is all so busy. A-and I get dat! Ya know..busy stressin out dere. Gotta remind myselfs dat youse aint got de luxury of in here, every now n again. But.... I dunno... Guess Im just... Worried dat youse gonna be all too busy ta make it. I aint had a lot o time to finish my gifts fer wll o youses...and.. I gots no idea how many I needs but... Er... Im hopin I gots enough done. Er Anywayses Uh Bambams here and recoverin and de HTP party is comin up, as well as Christmas and uh Well Youse might find me quiet fer a while. So d-dont worry bout me okays? I'll be back and Ill pop in n check on youse every now n again. My uh...my inbox been real empty lately so ifin youse got questions or stories or somet'in for me youse is always welcome to send me stuffs! Even ifin deres sometin about me youse wanna know Im a bit of an open book ya know? Aheh Uh Anywayses.... Just givin youse da heads up dat I might be quiet fer a while aint nottin bad happenin! Oh uh! One more t'ing De holidays...deys is rough fer a lot o folks. Youse make sure to take care o youses selves. Get some water, some food, get some fresh air even if its cold, distractions are great fer bad moments, find somet'in dat makes youses laugh. Talk to someone. Anyone. Ifin youse lookin fer a sign here it is. Dont do it. Youse is loved. Youse is valids. Even if youses blood family dint see it, we do! ...I do. Youse all mean de woyurld to me. Dont go anywheres. Dat inbox aint gonna get a message if youse aint dere to fill it ya know? Youses sexuality is valids. Youses gender dats all youse! And youse is amazin! Youses mental health, youse got dis! Kick dat mental healths ass to solitary and let youses self relax for a while. Youse tell yaself. Im gonna enjoy this because I been fightin hard and I desoirves it! And youse remember... Youse got all o us here at HTP dat loves you. Holidays can suck but if youse spend it wid ya family, youses chosen and lovin family, yer gonna find it ta be a good season! Ah.. I love all o youses Youse take care okay! -Y

#yancy posts #ask yancy #mun is going on a trip for three weeks #starting monday #fill up that inbox for me!

[oswednesday]

omg im sure itll come to No surprise but ive seen my mom for less than a half an hour and she’s already being a freak, i ate the last of the grapes last night they were almost bad like maybe a Day worth before they were all too mushy to eat and like about half gone, also if i want to eat a whole thing of Fresh grapes by myself i can??? the fuck, but it wasnt like that they were already a week/half week old like they were def bought last tuesday no matter what my mom is lying about i unpacked them, delievered them i know whats in the fridge dsfgh anywayt 

i was getting food and she was all like Hey Wednesday Get The Grapes Out in this really excited tone that i rarely ever hear in my direction unleess its her starting a fight with narssistic glee and i was like mom, you know the grapes are gone, they were getting mushy so i finished them off and she was like Oh No I Didnt Know They Were Gone (her lying) I Bought Them On Saturday How Can They Be Mushy like never mind that today is monday/tuesday and she like pre washed them and left them in a collendar in the fridge so like theyre going to go bad faster even if that was the case nor im sure did she check the date on them but none of that is important cause she did get them a week ago and thats the average Shelf life of grapes and Yknow she would not have brought them up otherwise maybe she was thinking about Last saturday, but she wasnt even home she was gone all weekend hence the tuesday trip like she was just gaslighting and being abusive as usual so any of this is moot and i was like again, just they were almost gone, and they were starting to get mushy so i ate them and she got off her ass from the chair in her room (like shes starting this fight from a WHOLE NOTHER ROOM) and i was like yknow what i think, i think you knew the grapes were gone and wanted to start a fight with me, like straight up to her face as she got super close to me and then she slunk back into her room and then started up again And You Ate The Rabbit Gummies okay first off those are M I N E sdfghkl; the only reason i keep them in the pantry is so my brother can have some and i Dont mind my mom having any she just??? WLL EAT THE ENTIRE BOX on her own and nine come in the Big boxes so i took three out like if the gummi bunnys are gone thats just telling on yourself??? and i was like I Think That Was A Joint Effort meaning she and my brother also ate them, like,

a reminder this is also the person that encourages my brothers to drink full cartins of milk, eat whole family bags of chips, eat entire things of strawberry or roastbeef with a weird emotionally incestious delight

so i finished getting my food and left the kitchen and she got up and was standing in the living room calling out to my brother???? and he wasnt awnsering cause hes Rude now but also im sure he knows when shes being wacky and i was like still going to my room and i was like, you know hes right in there his door is like five steps away (shes calling him from the living room, standing with her hands clapsed with a kinda mental illness Mania look to her eyes) and then she was still calling from the other room for him to come and eat the rest of the food i had made like Finish This Thing Off!! Eat All Of This!! 

and my brother was like  im still eating?? and then she left

[chrysanthymums-blog]

I didnt finish applying for school on time so i changed the application to the spring These 5 months are going to be the worst i can already tell It feels like my mom truly hates me and i dont know why shes putting the blame on me for everything How is that fair at all to me I know that i do stuff wrong but she literally blames me for everything possible She says im the reason shes depressed but like maybe its bc she has depression Like why does she have to make me feel so bad about myself we cant go a day without fighting it seems like All she does is threaten to kick me out and yell at me Shes taking wll my money and is just looking for reasons to take more of All i want to do is save money but i cant with her And if i buy anything for myself she freaks out to no end It doesnt make sense and i try to consider her mental illness but its so much pressure on me and makes me so sad and just completely exhausted I really dont think i can handle this anymore

#personal #idk why im saying i just have to get it out