#and that's why it's kind of shitty because i don't have uh. that many outlets? for how i feel?

[elytrafemme]

you know i oscillate between appreciating and resenting this fact about me (which is VERY maretypical tbh) b/c of how complicated it makes things but in this moment i must step back from my emotions and say. holy SHIT i am so glad i do not possess a drop of impulsivity in me holy fucking shit oh my God.

#nightmare.personal #haha. bites my lip and looks around alluringly. I would ruin my life so fucking fast actually. #and that's why it's kind of shitty because i don't have uh. that many outlets? for how i feel? #which doesn't? exactly end well? sometimes i don't know how i survive this #but also i am very glad that i am not impulsive and further i am REALLY glad i have chronic exhaustion #because the way that i mentally feel right now is only being held back by the fact that i'm reigning myself back #and am too tired to even like. get up to brush my teeth #also this makes life easier on everyone who knows me because they know i won't try risky shit #i just remain Moderately Concerning to people which is how i'd like to fucking stay thanks #not to my family though. everyone in the world be worried about me but i don't want my family to even perceive me #... my mother and sister can. but they know my happy moments first and foremost #my father and brother will learn about everything a step too late and that's how i like it #it's the younger brother instinct in me what can i say!! i've got to fucking prove myself somehow!!! #God i do not feel good right now huh.