#and the self indulgent abotober

[thegrandlinesimp]

Depression smacked me across the face in the last hour upon realising all the things I won’t be able to do for a month because of my surgery.

I mean, I know I need it, I chose to have it. My mum and the specialist made it very clear that it was my choice. I’m in constant pain and can’t enjoy the things I love doing because of it, writing becomes a chore, gaming mind numbing, and don’t get me started on actual chores!

Vacuuming brings about a dull throb, and that’s to say nothing about mopping. Ironing and washing aren’t too bad, but it still hurts. Dishes are kinda a relief because the hot water soothes the constant ache, but it hurts like a bitch afterwards.

But I won’t be able to hold my little girl for weeks, she’ll be so confused as to why I won’t give her hugs when she asks for them. I won’t be able to help around the house and it’s the only thing that makes me feel useful since I don’t have a job and I’ve been trying to get one forever!

Fuck, I’m just…really lost. I’m gonna go through with it, but it’s not gonna be pretty, mentally wise. But maybe if I keep writing (with just my primary hand) I’ll feel better?

Let’s hope so, I don’t want to go back to the me from 2020 who saw nothing but a hopeless world and wanted nothing else but to leave it.

#saga of the wrists #line’s lines #will try watching more one piece too #throw myself into kinktober writing #and the self indulgent abotober