#and then unrelated but 12 years ago today my grandfather(technically my mom’s stepdad) died

[gobbluthbutagirl]

can i say something that will certainly absolutely without a doubt 100% make it sound like i’ve lost it completely. too bad if not btw because it’s happening right now. anyway i’m sure you know by now that i’m the oldest of four siblings. but what you may not know is that in my maternal grandmother’s family there were ALSO four siblings. and the running joke in the family would be that my siblings and i were each “just like” our birth-order counterpart from two generations earlier. like i was just like my (technically great- but you know what i mean)aunt, my brother was just like the older of the two uncles, my middle sister was just like my grandma, and my youngest sister was just like the younger of the two uncles. and like to be fair it did kind of hold up. and my aunt lived in texas my whole life until hers ended. and hers ended, without going into too much detail, in a really horrible self-inflicted way. and after that the “you guys are just like them” joke kind of stopped for obvious reasons. but i am a lot like my aunt. i am. and i still think about that all the time. and my grandma got pregnant with my mom at 16. and i only just found out my middle sister is pregnant yesterday but she’s like 21 weeks. and she turned 20 exactly a month ago. so if you do the math you realize she also got pregnant as a teenager just like my grandma did. and i got the hell out of south carolina as soon as i could just like my aunt did. and now i’m like. is there a curse. is history doomed to repeat itself every two generations. can i not break the cycle. am i just a fool

#and then the other thing is. there’s a framed image on the wall at my dad’s house of him & his brother & their parents #and he and his mom are in the front row. and they’re both still alive today #and his brother and his dad are in the back row. and they both died at 52 some 23 years apart #and his brother actually died homeless in the very city i’m living in now. because he too got the hell out of south carolina #and i didn’t even make that connection until after i’d already moved here and it’s just like oh god. oh fuck #and then unrelated but 12 years ago today my grandfather(technically my mom’s stepdad) died #so i guess my life right now is like the evil version of rihanna’s ‘love on the brain’….death on the brain