#and we have such a highly specific relationship and ritualised way of seeing each other

[anarchofairy]

ok i’m gonna make a funny little weepy post in the tags avert your eyes

#every time i’m with e it gets better #like i’m able to let more of my walls and insecurities melt away #we’re a very odd couple. we don’t really make sense together and i have no idea why they let me keep hanging around #but i’m so *happy* with them #and like. i have had the urge to have the conversation with them about what our relationship is or could be for a while now #because the only conversation we’ve had was like a few days after we hooked up for the first time and i barely remember how that went #iirc it was like. we both like each other so let’s keep hooking up and get to know each other better #but that was 6 months ago #and i really don’t wanna upset the harmonious thing we’ve created by looking at it too hard yknow? #i would be happy to keep going as we are. i’d be happy to Date™️. i’d be happy to do something else entirely probably #ut you can’t exactly say ‘hey i like you so much i’ll be whatever you’d like to be’ #and i don’t want to ask for more and be rejected i think that would hurt me quite a bit #and i don’t want to lose them #and we have such a highly specific relationship and ritualised way of seeing each other #i’m not sure if our relationship can survive outside of that? #i’d be willing to do a shit ton to make it work. but i find it so hard to read them #i wish i knew if they had the potentials of love stirring in their insides the way i do. i just want to feel safe in their affections #i don’t know how reciprocated my affections are #there’s too many factors and we’re both too neurodivergent #anyway. i’ll just treasure my little happiness for now #and figure out my next move later #conari