#and with me having RA‚ i'm at an increased risk of developing *other* immune disorders. so it's not out of the question.

[blakelywintersfield]

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#cw for eating disorder stuff i guess? #oh the absolute irony that consistently consumes my entire being and existence #i used to count calories to limit my intake so i'd start to lose weight #now i'm counting calories to make sure i'm eating *enough*‚ because my weight has dropped significantly in a matter of a month #and while i want that weight loss to continue‚ if i don't eat *enough* calories‚ it exacerbates my rheumatoid arthritis #on top of that‚ aside from a goiter‚ i display all the major symptoms of hyperthyroidism. #and with me having RA‚ i'm at an increased risk of developing *other* immune disorders. so it's not out of the question. #but if i *do* have hyperthyroidism‚ the medication to address it will stop the weight loss. which i don't want. but i'll need to take it. #because long term effects of untreated hyperthyroidism can cause osteoporosis‚ heart problems‚ and vision problems #all of which i have family history of‚ along with being born with two heart conditions. i'd need to address it. #but the medication to treat it also has a common result of weight gain. and i don't want that. i don't want to gain any more weight. #i'm finally losing weight. i'm finally‚ FINALLY under 200lbs. i haven't been under 200lbs for YEARS. i'm almost in the 170 range. #i don't want to stop losing weight. and i especially don't want to gain any weight. #i'm honestly hoping the test results come back negative. maybe it's just a combination of my RA and working more or something idk #i would avoid getting tested altogether but between the long term health impacts of untreated hyperthyroidism and the hair loss #i have to. like i have to rule it out as a cause for the hair loss‚ along with my DHT levels. i just. ugh. #my urges to kill myself are finally under control‚ and now 5 other health issues have taken it's place. #i'm so tired man. i just want to exist at ease. i just want to function normally. i'm so tired of having to fight every day.