#and you were fine then youre hyperventilating then youre chilling then yojre crying then youre like

[crushingsterilisation]

Ypu know whwn you uh are in a weird panicky state (acute stress apparently) and you alternate vetween that and dissociating and you lose track of reality and overcompensate and undercompensate and want to fucking throe a grenade at your head

#and you were fine then youre hyperventilating then youre chilling then yojre crying then youre like #why am i here i have been through this at home and lived then you think of being home rn and want to violently hurl and kys #setting be lkke #and then he doesnt respojd and you feel like youve been super annoying and weak and emotional lately #i am frustrated in n my inability to communicate my actual thoughts #sometimes its bc theyre unwordifiable #sometimes ots bc i start w a half baked sentencw ik is wrong but th en i have to run w it and change it as i go or ill cone across a fool #but i come axross a fool anyway bc i just lose traxk of the #fucking fuck fuck fuck fuvk fyck #im going to ban myself from my phone tomorrow i cant keep typunf retard ed rants bc it makes me feel more insanw and angry at myself #for aforemebtioned reason of #i cant put my brain into words and i cant comprehend it in my head #but maybe itll be easier to if i try to not write it out and just think #but i like organising things and um thinking too hard in too much depth always ends w me crying or pissed off so #will have to acceot thst and just ball #in the lesst ick way it is nice? veing here bc like i said setting tgere is nonway incould (easily( kms so im less stressed #and i literally get to sit here in a plain room with 100 percebt cotton blankets which r my favourite thig right now and be Alone #nobody can reach me here #i fuvking detest everyone #i miss * so much #i miss * #i wanna cut but the plastic knife i finessed from dinner sint do much #smuggled in m stig this time w