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gyrlversion · 5 years

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I hope you drop dead in the next 100 yards: Remain marcher jeered

My husband took his dose of Remainer abuse cheerfully enough. After ten years in frontline politics, he accepts it as part of the job

With every passing day, the Brexit shambles more and more seems to resemble a half-built Ikea daybed.

It looks nothing like as enticing as it did in the showroom, none of the bits fit together as they are supposed to — and the chances of getting a good night’s sleep any time soon are distinctly unlikely.

Joking apart, whether you voted Leave or Remain, the one thing everyone seems to agree on is that Brexit is driving us all bonkers.

It’s got to the point where most people don’t care what happens — they just want it to stop. And who can blame them?

I sincerely hope Parliament manages to do this, either by approving Theresa May’s deal at the third attempt or by some other means. But whatever the final outcome, one thing is certain: we have to change the tone of our national conversation.

The process of trying to exit the EU has done more than simply underline the intransigence of Brussels; it has also exposed fundamental flaws in our own political system.

In particular, the way certain individuals may have seen Brexit as an opportunity to further their own ambitions, to manipulate perceptions, to capitalise on the difficulties of obtaining a deal, to attack rivals and thrust themselves into the limelight.

There are examples on both sides, from the shocking case of Remain MP Anna Soubry, who can no longer return home because of death threats, to the experience of my husband Michael Gove this weekend when, walking back from a meeting in London, he came across a People’s Vote marcher

It’s understandable the voters should feel frustrated. But there is something about the level of vitriol our politicians face that goes beyond an expression of dissatisfaction — and shades into something more sinister.

‘I hope you drop dead in the next 100 yards,’ the man shouted, to the delight of his companions. And when I then observed, in a tweet, that any Leave voter was at risk of being ‘lynched’ by furious Remainers, I was subject to so much online abuse I was forced to turn off my notifications. Ironically, I was reported to Twitter for using offensive language.

My husband took his dose of Remainer abuse cheerfully enough. After ten years in frontline politics, he accepts it as part of the job. But it’s undoubtedly getting worse.

Death threats and intimidation are now the norm. And while very few people ever follow through, it only takes one nutter. None of us will ever forget MP Jo Cox, whose murder remains one of the great tragedies of our times.

But even if no blow is ever struck, the long-term repercussions of such a siege mentality can leave lasting wounds. I know how being the object of constant low-level hostility can deplete one’s capacity for resilience and ultimately lead to mental health problems such as anxiety and depression.

And if I feel like that, God knows how someone like Labour MP Luciana Berger — who has suffered a torrent of anti-Semitic abuse — or Anna Soubry cope.

There’s no doubt this rise in abusive behaviour is part of the reason Parliament is so paralysed by Brexit. They are terrified of what might happen to them if they get it wrong.

The result is a House of Commons that is exhausted at a time when, more than ever, we need MPs to be fighting fit and focused 100 per cent on the job in hand.

Of course, politics is by its nature passionate, and no modern debate has elicited quite as much passion as Brexit. But it’s one thing to care deeply about something; quite another to use it as a legitimate excuse for abuse, hatred and the threat of violence.

The sooner this chapter in our history draws to a close, the sooner we can begin to repair the rifts and divisions.

I just hope that it’s not too late.

Car hire firms run out of credit

Yet another brilliant Mail campaign pays off: the regulator has ruled that car hire firms abroad will no longer be able to rip off customers with hidden fees. But they’ve got another scam under the bonnet. If you book and pay online using a debit card (as I do), when you pick it up they will not release the car unless you have a valid credit card (which I do not).

The upshot is that the only way to obtain your car is to pay for the hire firm’s own insurance — even if you have already taken it out through a third-party broker. Either way, car hire companies fleece everyone. Plus ca change.

It pains me to admit it, but I am one of those tipsy women shoppers making headlines, who, after a couple of glasses of wine on the sofa, ends up online buying their 427th handbag. Of course, there’s the risk that, under the influence of a chilled white, one might splash out a little too much. But there’s always free returns. Cheers!

It’s a subject that divides families, comes between spouses and has, in the past week, been the subject of much online debate. Not Brexit, but crisps.

On Sunday night, Channel 5 set out to find the nation’s favourite — and concluded it was a toss-up between Pringles, Walkers and Doritos.

But the matter is far from settled, with many contesting the result of the referendum. Sorry, survey. I think the results say more about Channel 5’s viewers than the crisps. Had it been Radio 4, the winner would have been those truffle ones you get in M&S which cost a fortune.

Channel 4 would have chosen something artisan and free-trade. BBC2? Tyrrell’s, for sure.

As for me, I can’t resist a Wotsit. No idea what that makes me. Fat, probably.

Full Marks from me

Anti-obesity campaigners say High Street shops are posing a risk to ‘public health’ by using vanity sizing to lure customers, and kidding them into thinking they’re not as tubby as they really are. Apparently, even Marks & Spencer is at it.

Maybe — but so what? There are so few genuine pleasures left in life these days, are they really going to take this last one — the joy of presenting a size 14 at the till instead of a 16, or noisily requesting ‘a smaller size’ in the changing room — away from us, too?

Former Spice Girl Mel B is desperate for one last hurrah. But her latest revelation, that she and Geri Halliwell had a Sapphic encounter, has backfired, since Geri is now reportedly reluctant to extend the band’s lucrative reunion tour. The irony is that Mel B badly needs the tour for financial reasons.

If she’s not careful she’ll end up like Katie Price: flogging the depths of her soul in exchange for ever-scanter rewards.

A rather sour Apple

After posting a snap with her 14-year-old, Apple, on Instagram, Gwyneth Paltrow was told off in no uncertain terms. ‘Mom, we have discussed this. You may not post anything without my consent’

It’s a relief to discover that even such super-soignee celebrities as Gwyneth Paltrow are cut down to size by their teenage daughters.

After posting a snap with her 14-year-old, Apple, on Instagram, Paltrow was told off in no uncertain terms. ‘Mom, we have discussed this. You may not post anything without my consent.’

Impressive — and, believe me, a lot more politely expressed than what own my daughter says if I so much as come within ten yards of her with my camera.

Emily Maitlis, the new lead presenter of Newsnight, struck a chord with me when she said: ‘I weep after interviews.’ Some people interpret this as a sign of weakness, but it is actually a tremendous strength because it shows that as well as having a mind like a steel trap, Emily also possesses a degree of empathy.

You get a far better insight into people by treating them as humans than you do from barking at them à la Jeremy Paxman.

25 years on Liz wears its swell

I think Liz Hurley wears it rather better now than she did back then. Sure, the face and body were more youthful in the first version, but there is something about the assuredness and life experience of the older woman that trumps the bloom of youth

It’s not quite the same — the safety pins are in strategically different places — but there is no mistaking the look: 25 years after she stepped out in ‘that’ dress, Liz Hurley proves, in the new Harper’s Bazaar, that age is no barrier to glamour.

Actually, I think she wears it rather better now than she did back then. Sure, the face and body were more youthful in the first version, but there is something about the assuredness and life experience of the older woman that trumps the bloom of youth.

I certainly know which one I would rather sit next to at dinner, anyway.

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lauramclark · 7 years

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Thoughts on the Women's March

If you’re going to comment, I welcome your thoughts, as I’m still working through this in my own head. However, please keep comments constructive/without judgement and read the entire blog before commenting.

I’m honestly trying to figure out just what these women are marching for. I do not mean this in a negative way. I am truly curious. I support their right to march, but after reading their signs and listening to their interviews on television, it seems they are all upset about a lot of things, but two common issues are (1) women seem to think they are treated as second class citizens, and (2) they feel their reproductive rights have been infringed upon. I’m going to tackle the second issue (deep breath).

It seems these protesters want full access to contraception (which they believe is a right) and abortions (another right). Notice they HAVE these rights. No one is suggesting they be taken away. They also have the right not to have sex.

These interviews and signs suggest they want these rights without the negative feelings that are associated with their actions. Ladies, you’re free to make your own choices, but you aren’t free from the consequences of those choices.

I’m upset I even feel the need make this clear, but please note I am NOT referring to instances of rape or when the mother’s life is in danger, medical issues, etc.

I want to see abortion end. Not because I want to take away women’s rights but because I want to end the need for abortions. I would love to live in a world where there are no medical problems that make a women chose between her life and the life of her unborn child, where rape is nonexistent, no one has unprotected sex, and birth control is 100% effective. But that’s not our current reality.

Birth control is readily available, in the form of pills, shots, devices, condoms, and celibacy. Well before you engage in the act of sex you know doing so results in pregnancy. If you’re making the choice to have an abortion, you’ve made the adult decision to have sex and became pregnant (protected or not). If you’re not pregnant you don’t have a choice. If you are pregnant you now have three choices: You can keep the baby, abort the baby, or keep the baby and give it up for adoption. If you weren’t planning to become pregnant none of these options is easy. However, you knew there was a possibility you could get pregnant when you had sex, protected or not, on birth control or not. The consequences of sex are that you may become pregnant.

Let’s take my own story for example. At 17, while I was in High School, I made the “adult” decision to have protected sex, and became pregnant. Becoming pregnant in High School was obviously not a part of my life plan. I was a good student. I had a job. I was concurrently taking college courses and I was on track to become a doctor at 24. I was in an ok relationship, but we’d only been dating a couple of months. A baby was NOT in my plans. Upon realizing I was pregnant my mind went in a myriad of directions. I knew my choices (keep the baby, abort the baby, or give the baby up for adoption). Upon hearing “we” were pregnant, my partner made an appointment for me to get an abortion without my knowledge, because that’s what he’d expected me to do. I knew as soon as he brought it up that wasn’t an option. I couldn’t live with the decision to have an abortion (kill the baby), because I knew the consequences of sex. I’d made the adult decision to have sex, which meant a baby was a possibility. It wasn’t a possibility I thought applied to me because I was careful, but I did know the risk. It was not the fault of the child I had sex. I was not going to kill it to make my life “easier” (more on this later, as I do not in any way believe having an abortion is the “easy” decision). That left two options: Give the baby up for adoption or take responsibility for my actions and take care of the child. I was selfish and couldn’t give the baby up for adoption.

That does not make my choice an easy one. Being a teenage mom is fraught with trouble. You’re ridiculed, talked about behind your back, looked down upon, ostracized, and lose a lot of your own childhood in the process. I gave up going out with friends, attending college right out of High School, and those important years where you’re supposed to “find” yourself. Having a child is expensive financially. I made the decision to stay with someone I didn’t love so the child would have two parents in the household. I’m not saying those were the right decisions, I’m saying they were mine, and I was living with the consequences of my choices (knowing I would never be in a loving relationship and dedicating my life to my kids before really knowing myself). 18 years later she was the best choice I ever made.

My choice isn’t for everyone, but just as I lived with the consequences of my choices, others get to live with the consequences of their choices as well. If you’re pregnant, you knew having sex had the possibility of resulting in a baby (protected or not, on birth control or not). You chose to have sex anyway. If you had an abortion you chose to abort the baby because you weren’t ready to live with your adult choices, whatever that reality might be (the negativity associated with being an unwed mother, losing out on your career/education/financial cost/lifestyle, etc.). That decision had to have been heart wrenching for you to make.

I know women who chose to give their children up for adoption, knowing they weren’t ready to become a mother. This decision is fraught with emotions as well. I know girls who didn’t have a choice (their parents or partner made it for them). I know women who’ve had abortions, many of them close friends, and I do not judge any of these women for their choices. I do not look down on them for their decisions, just as I hope they do not look down on me for mine.

For anyone facing teen pregnancy, I’d love to talk with you about how difficult it is to be a teen mom, and what a significant decision it is to be a parent. You have choices, but they’re yours. No one is taking those rights away.

These marchers are not speaking for me. I spoke for me when I chose not to abort my baby. That was my choice. I support their choice as well. Because I’ve been there and know how difficult of a decision this is I refuse to judge others in this way. They are the ones living with the consequences of their choices, and they alone know the grief that comes with it.

This is where I think the negativity of these protesters comes from: The women who have aborted (killed) their babies and are angry they “had” to do so, are looking for a place to channel their anger. I think they’re mad because they’re judging themselves. Redirecting their aggression on someone else to make them feel better about their choices.

I think these women want to be absolved of their regret. I have news for you: making abortion “normal” or “accepted” will not make you feel any better about your decision to have one any more than it will make my decision to be a teenage mom any easier.

I’m not judging you. I know your choice was hard. Killing my baby wasn’t something I could live with. This is how I saw my decision. I in no way am implying this is how you saw yours. For whatever reason, you weren’t ready to be a mother. In the realm of “rights”, neither of us were wrong, and neither of us were right. We made our decisions, and we get to live with them. I don’t regret mine, hopefully you don’t regret yours. No one is trying to take these rights away, so why are you so upset?

#womensmarch

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