#anyways I’m gonna put on moisturiser and rb nice stuff

[honeymaki]

The idea of someone wanting me, desiring me, just straight up taking time out of their day to even think about me because they like me - is so out of this world crazy that it’s not even an idea, it’s just this weird buzzing in the back of my mind I can’t get rid of but learn to live with.

#don’t look I am vulnerable #i saw fanart of a fat girl and a buff guy and obviously got excited cause fat girl?? omg me!!! #but then I got all inward and started like but why would he desire someone that looks like me? why would anyone? #the thought is so inherently crazy and impossible to me I swear #it’s because I got no attention ever never in my life while all my standard attractive peers did #and even now I get less attention because I dress queer but I’m still fat and I’m like visually weird like flicking my fingers and bouncing #the lack of attraction fat girls experience during their youth should be classed as like trauma or something cause that’s fucked me up #also undiagnosed autism but that’s a different thing #anyways I’m gonna put on moisturiser and rb nice stuff #🌱.chats