#anyways i am doing horrible and i can't take it anymore truly reaching my fucking limit

[your-sweet-cookie]

Important announcement, please read

Mun speaking: Hey guys, I'm posting this now since I'm seeing that a lot of you are online so maybe you'll see and read this. I just want to let you know that I am honestly NOT doing okay at all emotionally speaking. I've been actually hurting deeply for quite some time and due to recent events, I have finally hit rock bottom and just can't take this anymore: Thing is that lately I've started to feel extremely unwanted and unloved by the community and that my relevance on here has dropped to nothing (best proof being my activity stats that dropped to under 10 notes on more than one occasion these past few days and maybe weeks), soo I guess the haters were right, in the end I am nothing but a boring person with an even more boring character.

And it's okay, you don't have to lie to try to make me feel better, because I just know it's true and even if I tried to be strong, I just can't do it anymore. There were more factors that contributed to this and I'll try to briefly explain them:

First of all, no one reaches out to me to send in stuff outside of memes and no one wants to talk to me, except 2-3 people with whom I'm mostly only talking about stuff outside of RP anyways. The stuff I usually got in my inbox were just memes that never got feedback or went anywhere and If I disappeared it's clear that no one even noticed, so it means that my presence on here truly is useless, life moves on without me anyways. All my ships are dead, all my threads ignored/forgotten and my inbox is an empty desert.

Then, there were of course the haters. At first I thought they were just a bunch of jealous people, but now I realize they were right, I am just a no one who nobody likes and I am just tired of receiving pity from others, since it won't change a thing. If people truly cared, then they would've proven the haters wrong with concrete action, but since no one did so, it's too late to change the facts now.

And lastly, what hurt most, was the way I was treated by those I saw as friends, who just decided to just abandon me one day without any further notice. I won't name names, but just know that what you did truly hurt me because I trusted you and I cherished you! Yeah, I am not perfect, I make mistakes, but I believe that I am entitled to at least one explanation and a 'break-up' note to at least allow me to move on knowing that there's no more hope left for that friendship. Ghosting someone is never the right answer!

With that said (which I am sorry if it came out as mostly bitter, but I'm emotionally drained completely), I've decided to retire from the RP community, since it's became literally painful seeing the dashboard go on given the current circumstances. This acc won't be gone, I'll keep it for memory's sake and to maybe post artwork related to Kukki and her friends from time to time, make memes and chat with the Muns I am still close with. In regards to the all-mad-hare's event, I will still deliver my entry since the sketch is almost done and I am very pleased with the result, but I just wanted to let you guys know that I will stop using this acc for role-playing because I just can't go on like this anymore. There's no pain worse than feeling horribly alone, despite being surrounded by soo many people. I just don't have any drive or motivation left for writing. It was fun at first while it lasted, but now it's just painful and I'm tired of crying everyday and feeling anxious and stressed whenever I see the dash going on and then remember that no one gives a fuck about me.

With that said, I hope there won't be any hard feelings and know that I still love you guys and so does Kukki, but even the strongest warriors have their limits and this one reached hers.

Wishing you all the best, S

#ooc post #ooc interactions #post from mun

[nerdyandglasses]

I didn't know where else to post this. I don't want people that know me to ever read this. I just got this urge to vent, and I feel like this might be the best place.

I feel really numb. It feels like my life's been spiraling out of control for some years now. I look at myself and I see someone I don't recognize. I've lost the essence of the person I used to be. Three years ago, if someone would have asked me to describe myself, I would have said I was a cheery, dedicated, and enthusiastic person. I was not perfect. I was really anxious. I worried just about everything in my life, but I was happy. My day could have been horrible, but at night, when I went to sleep, I was glad to be alive. I was happy to have friends, whom I cherished more than anything, and I had ambition.

I've been going through my contacts recently and I realized that, I don't talk to anyone anymore. Sure, sometimes I text my best friend a silly picture, but, I don't feel like I'm really talking to her. Beyond that, I used to take pride in have a small, yet tight group of friends. I have stopped talking to all of them but my best friend. It's a 100% my fault. I stopped texting them. I stopped calling. I was too engrossed in feeling miserable, or perhaps I just lacked the energy to seem okay, or maybe I was tired of telling them how shitty I felt. It became easier to pull away. Two years ago, I was a very open person. Almost to a fault. Now, I avoid talking about anything that might bring the mood down. I tell myself it's to spare others from feeling burdened by me, but I think I've just run out of energy to talk about how I feel.

The other day my friends and I had a get together. I went, after not meeting them for almost a year. There were some people I could connect to the same way I used to before. Overall though, I felt a strange sense of unfamiliarity. I didn't know anything about these people anymore, because I didn't make an effort to reach out. They shared stories about people I'd never heard about, and I had to nod and hum like I understood whatever they were talking about so I didn't feel left out. One of my friends hugged me. He asked me why I hadn't reached out. 'Why did you stop texting? I missed you', he said. I said, 'I don't know'. He said it was okay. I should have felt relief. He understood, he forgave me (i think). But I couldn't help but feel worse afterwards.

I don't know where my life is headed anymore. I don't even feel like there's anything to look forwards to. Some years ago, I had clear goals. I was doing everything in my power to achieve them. And I did. I got a full-ride scholarship to my dream uni in my dream city. It took me years of effort to earn this. And now I'm fucking it all up. Why? Why am i doing this? Every night I stay awake wondering, why am I throwing it all away? For a second, I feel regret. I tell myself it's not too late. The minutes pass though, and numbness sets over me like a blanket once again. 'Why does it matter anyway? Do I even want to keep doing this?'. I guess I really don't want to do anything anymore.

What is wrong with me? Why can't I accept that I won't be a child anymore? Grow up, i tell myself. You're in your twenties, now's when you should be working towards building the life you want. How I wish I cherished the late summer evenings from when I was 8. I wish I'd enjoyed my childhood more. I wish I had dated when I was a teen. Gone out more with my friends.

Nothing's really wrong in my life, so why can't I make an effort? My parents and sibling support me. They've told me and shown me so, countless of times. It still hurts to disappoint them. They used to be so proud of me before, perfect child that I was. They tell me they are still proud, that I don't have to make them proud, but myself. I love them. When i think about ending it, all that stops me is the thought of them. My dad told me all he wishes for is for me to be happy. Two weeks ago, he asked me, 'Are you truly happy?'. I don't know what spurred him to ask me that. I try my best to seem okay around them. I started crying. I said, 'yeah. I am not my happiest right now, but I'm content, and I will be happy after I get a break from school.'

I go back and forth between caring so much is physically hurts, to simply not caring at all. Eight months ago I took the subway to the river near me. I can't swim, and I know the currents are strong. I stayed seated at a bench for hours, just not thinking. i took the subway again, to the hospital affiliated to my university. I stayed seated at the reception area an hour more until I decided it would be an inconvenience for my parents to have to find out I submitted myself to the psychiatric ward.

there's a fog in my mind I can't seem to get rid of. it stops me from thinking properly, i think. I like to blame it for everything.

I had a friend who was suicidal in middle school. I remember him telling me how hopeless he felt sometimes. How he had nothing to look forward to. At the moment, when I was 13, I wasn't able to understand. I distinctively remember telling him that he should just smile! You have so much to look forward to, I would say. I also told him he would miss out on a lot of cool movies and video games if he committed. It was a pretty dumb thing to say.

We spoke about it a couple days ago. We're not friends anymore, but we talk from time to time. He said I was trying my best to cheer him up. He's okay now, or so he says. He seems happy, though.

I had a drink with my best friend the other day. We laughed about the past. It was nice, feeling like I was 12 again. I love talking to her, she makes me feel like I'm a kid again. I guess that's part of the reason I refuse to tell her about how I feel now. Like it'll shatter the illusion. I don't think you'll ever read this, but if you ever do, I'm sorry. I know we said we were each others platonic soulmate. And I know if I had ever lost you, i would have felt devastated. I don't think a bond like ours comes along often. I truly felt like I knew you from a past life. So, again, I'm sorry.

There's this guy i liked. he was really sweet to me. He listened to me, and he wanted to learn more about me. I felt seen by a guy for the first time in my life. He asked me out and I said no, because I felt too low in energy, too ugly and too undeserving. He kept talking to me, he was nice like that. I would write him really sporadically, like once every three months on a random tuesday. This went on for three years. He still answered sweetly. I invited him to a little reunion at my house before I moved away. I invited him with a few hours notice, and he still showed up and helped me set up. Even after I moved away and stopped answering him, he'd send a message every now and then to check in. I never replied. The last message he sent was on april. he forgot about my birthday I think. But it's okay. You really won't ever read this, but you have one of the sweetest kindest souls I have ever encountered, and i wish nothing but the best for you.

I don't know where I'm going with all this, but my fingers hurt from typing and I really just want to close my eyes and go to sleep and dream something nice. i don't think im doing it tonight, not tomorrow either, but I can feel it in my heart that there's no future for me anymore.

I think it would be nice to visit my family one more time before I do it, so i'm waiting until december. I never really liked the cold months anyway.

#suicide #sh

[startanewdream]

James and/or Sirius laughing at Harry for growing (or trying to) grow a beard 🧔

That’s it

That’s my comment

Ahhh, it's midnight for me I work early tomorrow but I just *had* to write something along these lines!

Set during winter break at Year 6 (or my fave pining Harry time). Warning for some slang and also that I edited on the phone

________

“Fuck. No, no, it can’t be… fuck!”

The first slang would have made Sirius stop on his way down the hall, but the tone of desolation that follows it, added by the most hopelessness he has ever heard in Harry's voice, makes him open the door to his godson’s bedroom without waiting for an answer.

(Always risky when it comes to teenagers, but it seems to be an emergency)

The first thing he notices is the rotten smell, then the smoke coming out of a cauldron with the fire beneath still lit; sparkles are coming out of Harry’s wand, which he holds high (underage magic? That he won’t tell), but then Sirius’ gaze falls on Harry’s face and he ignores anything else.

Because on Harry’s face there is something so horrendous that Sirius won’t dare to call it a beard. It’s hair.

Harry’s chin spots the same hair as in his head. It’s a dark messy beard that makes him look as if his hair grew all around his mouth.

“What the hell?”

“Don’t laugh!” Harry tells him immediately, a little bit threatening, but Sirius is truly too shocked to even break a smile. This thing is too ghastly for even him to crack a joke about it. “I… I messed up, okay?”

“Kid, that’s an overstatement,” Sirius says, getting closer to his godson slowly. He touches his beard. “How did you get hair on your chin? That’s the weirdest thing I’ve ever seen.”

“Ugh.” Harry throws a guilty look to the cauldron on the floor. “It’s Grandpa Monty’s fault.”

“Unless his ghost came back to screw your face, it seems as if you did this to yourself, kid.”

“No, I… Look!” He picks a scroll, waving it in front of Sirius’ nose. “I found his old notes in the attic. Five-Second Eazybeard! I swear I brewed the potion exactly as he wrote.”

Sirius eyes the smelly potion.

“Are you sure it was your granddad’s notes? This doesn’t seem like Monty's style at all.”

“Well… I thought so. He was the potioneer in the family, right? And he invented Sleekeazy!”

“And then he didn’t launch anything else,” Sirius reminds him, looking at the potion instructions.

“Because he was rich enough and didn’t need more money?”

Sirius laughs. “Nah, Monty was curious enough to keep inventing. This was probably an attempt that didn’t work.” Sirius shakes his head, smirking. “Look, I am not trying to pull a Lily here, but trying untested potions? That’s a bad idea, Harry.”

"I haven't had problems so far," Harry mumbles to himself. As Sirius is about to ask him what he means by that, Harry grabs his hand suddenly. "I learned the lesson, ok? Now you gotta help me!"

Sirius lifts an eyebrow. "The only thing that would help you is a scissor."

"I've tried! The bathroom is full of this thing, but it just grew back! I've tried to cut it magically, and it's all the same. You are the adult here, do something!"

"What do you want me to do? I can't do an antidote just looking at the ingredient list! You need Lily, just call her—"

"I…" the part of Harry's face that is not covered by hair flushes. "I can't. She is at the Burrow now, helping Mrs Weasley with the New Year's party."

"Then let's go, I am sure it will be easy for her—"

"No!" Harry looks in panic now, his eyes widened. "She cannot know what… what happened."

"Lily will know as soon as—"

"Not… not Mum, it's… look, that's fine. Mum will be back tomorrow, I will just spend the New Year hiding in my room pretending I don't exist."

"Harry… there's nothing to be embarrassed about. You know, growing hair body is perfectly normal at your age—"

"Ugh, stop teasing me."

"I wish I could, but you look truly horrible." Sirius winks at him, sitting on Harry's bed. "What prompted you to do this?"

Harry's flush intensifies.

"I was trying to grow a beard."

"Oh, really?"

"It's… it's stupid, okay? But Ginny was… I mean, I heard some girls saying that they enjoyed guys with a beard and I can only grow that stupid stubble and—argh—I just thought I could give it a try but now I have hair growing all around my head and—"

"You are babbling, kid, I got it."

"No, you don't." Harry runs his hand through his hair, looking very much like James when he is most nervous. "You get to grow a beard when you want it. You get this whole shining hair. You get women to sigh for you and I… I am just this stupid teenager who can't even have a full beard."

Sirius blinks. "You are worrying way too much, Harry. And, well, if you want to be assured, you are nice—girls have taken a fancy to you, haven't they?"

"That's just the Chosen One thing, it's not really… me."

Sirius fights back a smile. Harry seems really desolate.

"Look, you've grown well. You are still growing. I am sure people notice you. You have your mother's gorgeous eyes and you do look like James—if there is any comfort in this, I remind you that James got Lily to feel attracted to him, so you can't be that bad." Harry frowns, and Sirius isn't sure if it's because he doesn't want to think of their parents being attracted to each other or if because he doesn't trust Lily's opinion on this matter. "I am sure Ginny thinks you are attractive, beard or no beard."

Harry jumps.

"Who said anything—"

"Oh, are we still pretending you don't fancy her?"

Harry looks away. "I have no idea what you are talking about."

"Yeah, sure. So you don't mind going to the Burrow now and showing up like this?"

"Of course I do! I mean… Ron would tease me."

"Ron."

"And the twins. I mean, look at this!"

"Yeah, I would be upset if they didn't. So many joke opportunities. You are hairy, Harry."

Harry puts his hands in front of his face. Sirius refrains from telling him this doesn't hide his beard at all.

"So… what do I do now?"

"We truly need Lily's help on this… we need to go to the Burrow."

"I can't—"

"Don't worry." Sirius breathes heavily. "Your godfather won't leave you alone on this."

_________

"It was an accident, Lily," Sirius tells her, his hand playing with the hair over his chin. His new grown hair beard reaches his chest and Sirius is almost finishing a braid by now. "I was trying some old potion, and then Harry was close and it just splashed in both of us."

Lily lifts her eyebrows, her eyes moving from Sirius to Harry and then back.

"An accident?" she repeats, incredulous.

"I am so sorry," he says, the portrait of innocence. "Could you help us with an antidote? And before you say anything, I know I shouldn't have tested an unknown potion. But do this for Harry, not for me. Poor kid doesn't deserve to spend the night hiding. It's a New Year's party after all!"

Lily shakes her head, amused.

"Fine, because you asked so eloquently. I will grab my potion kit, a hair inhibitor should be enough."

"You truly are the best, Lily," Sirius tells her, beaming.

Harry waits until his mother is out of the room to let out a relieved breath.

"Thanks so much, Sirius," he says.

Sirius nods, still messing with the hair on his chin. It's so weird and it looks as ghastly in him as it does on Harry.

He doesn't regret applying that potion to his face. His sacrifice worked just as he planned to: with two people having hair growing out of their chins, the attention was divided and with Sirius taking the blame, people felt sorry enough for Harry to not mock him much.

"Hey," they turn around to see Ginny coming closer, holding a tray with some sandwiches for them. "Mum thought you would be hungry while hiding here."

"Thanks," Sirius says, because Harry seems too busy pretending to look outside the window, anything so he can try to avoid Ginny looking at his beard.

Ginny nods at Sirius, but she approaches Harry anyway.

"Your mum is already working on the antidote, don't worry," she tells him gently. "Look, it's not as bad as that time Percy tried to grow a moustache, remember?"

Harry chuckles. "You are so lying."

"I would never," she assures him, voice light. "Look at me."

Harry turns to her almost as if he can't control it. His eyes soften as he gazes upon her, and Sirius is suddenly reminded of how Lily always looks when she sees James.

Ginny raises her hand slowly, giving Harry plenty of time to back away, but he just stays quiet as she touches his beard, her fingers running through it. Sirius suspects Harry isn't even breathing anymore.

"It's soft," she tells Harry and for a moment they just stare at each other. Sirius decides that he is really witnessing a moment that he doesn't want to, but his attempt to quietly leave the room only alerts them to his presence. Ginny's hand falls back as if she got electrocuted. "Anyway, you look better without it."

Harry grimaces. "I guess that stupid stubble is better than this."

"Stupid stubble?" Ginny blinks, evidently surprised. "It's not stupid, I… I mean, girls love it on you."

"They do?"

"Yeah, well, just thinking about your stubble brushing my skin—I mean, their skin, as in other girls' shoulders, or holding your face while… never mind, I just… I just heard it, that's all. You are drawing a lot of attention."

"I know, all this Chosen One stupid thing—"

"It's not it... you are really oblivious to your charm, Harry."

"You think I am charming?" Harry asks, longing evident in his voice now.

"I…" Ginny hesitates, turning away as if she doesn't want to answer this while looking at Harry, and her eyes meet Sirius. He smirks at her, knowing perfectly well her answer. Ginny's face reddens even as her jaw sets in a protective instance. "Yeah, with the stubble. Everyone knows it. It's common knowledge. I… I have to go, I think I heard Mum calling me."

Sirius could point out that Molly didn't call her at all, but he opts for just letting Ginny go, his smirk more than enough to let her know she didn't fool him.

At the other corner of the room, Harry's face is spotting a huge grin, watching the door with a dreamy expression.

"She likes my stubble!" He declares happily. "Oh, I need to take off this stupid long beard now."

Sirius shakes his head at Harry, amused. At least Harry won't ever complain about his inability to grow a beard again.

#Eyes glistening #Jily lives AU #Sirius being a good godfather #Harry having teenage issues #i will edit it better in the morning

[moonlightflower21]

Sometimes people aren't meant to be in relationships...

"We need to talk..." The deep voice of your mutant turtle boyfriend filled the room and you turned towards the window, a neutral expression on your face. As bad as it was, he was the last person you wanted to end the night with. Lately everything had been different. Your interaction with him depended on the entirety of his mood. He deemed he was too busy for you but you had drop everything just to be there for him? This wasn't how relationships worked. Granted, this was his first hur even after trying to talk to him, he was the equivalent of a brick wall. Just go through one ear and out the other.

"What?" You answered, sitting down on your bed. A fluffy blanket draped your legs, tiredness crawling in your veins. Hopefully he would go soon, for you really couldn't be asked for his bullshit.

"You haven't called in days, what's going on??" He asked, leaning against the wall with an accusing brow. Yours were now raised, wondering if he was actually being serious. Oh, so now he cared??

"What does it look like?? I'm in bed. And I didn't call because I simply didn't want to. I am not obliged to talk to you everyday especially if you cannot be bothered to put in the effort either" Your fingers gripped the blanket tightly, hoping he was able to pick up on the signs and leave. But he didn't, of course he wouldn't.

"It's like I don't know who you are anymore. You suddenly seem to busy to do anything with me. And when I ask, you leave promptly. How can I put in effort when you can't even be around me anymore!" He snapped, you could practically see the steam coming from his ears. But anger bubbled in your stomach and you stood, ripping the blanket off and throwing it away from you. Any and all signs of tiredness and exhaustion flew out of your body and rage filled the spot instead.

"Who the fuck do you think you are??? Walzing into my bedroom, accusing me of absurd things! Why should I even make the effort?? Everything is always about you! All our talks, all our interactions. When was the last time you've asked me if I was okay?? I'm just a thing you like having on your elbow, something to show off to your brothers but you know what?? I can't do it! I don't give a fucking damn if you're upset because you've made me feel like shit for months! But have I ever made you feel bad about it??" You yelled, watching his figure stiffen and clench at the tone of your voice. You've never raised your voice at him like this before.

But he wasn't a child, he was a full grown adult that had to understand that life isn't easy. Everyone has problems and issues and he isn't the one in the entire world that has it hard.

"And while we're at it, your number one excuse is always your ninjitsu responsibilities and I understand. Believe me, if I didn't I would've left months ago. But suddenly it's my fault these people don't appreciate the work you do for them! Am I supposed to go to every resident in the city and praise you??"

"That's quite enough, Y/N!-" He started but you stopped him there. He wanted to open the bottle of faults and blame, you sure as hell were going to make him understand it was a two way situation.

"Be quiet. I'm not done" You seethed, fists clenched so tightly you were sure your fingernails had penetrated the first layer of your skin. But you couldn't bring yourself to care, your entire body felt hot. Anger, disappointment, bitterness, pain, everything swirled in your head and poured out of your mouth.

"You don't know HALF the shit I'm going through. You obviously don't care so please, tell me what the fuck is this relationship?? For you to dump all your problems on me?? As a partner, I will listen and console you when needed. But I draw the line now, I am not your therapist. You don't bother listening to me, so now it's the same. I don't care what happens to you, Leonardo" Hands raised in surrender, you step back maintaining the eye contact. You heard a soft gasp coming from him as you spilled your true feelings but you couldn't care less. Actually it felt refreshing to say everything that was weighing you down, able to finally fucking breathe.

"What are you saying?" He whispered, voice hoarse. Pins felt like they flooded his throat, following all the way down to his chest. Puncturing his heart. As if everything was on a standstill, the words fell from your lips slowly. And yet, he couldn't do anything to stop them.

"Isn't it obvious? I can't do this anymore. Mentally and physically. I can't be the person you want me to be. And clearly you're not happy with who I am-"

"I am! God, Y/N, I love you for who you are-"

"No you don't. Like I said, you fell in love with the idea of having a partner. But you don't love me for who I am. You want me to be someone who benefits you and you only. I just.... I can't do it" You laughed, however he knew there was anything but humour in your tone.

It hurt you to say the next words but you know he has to hear them, in order for you both to move on. You wouldn't have ever thought you could say it to his face but boy, life sure works in crazy ways.

"Leonardo, I just.... I don't love you" You utter calmly, glancing at those stormy irises. You know he won't break down in front of you but you can sense his sadness from here. It made you feel weird, you weren't ever the cause for his grief.

Leo didn't think he heard you correctly, expecting you to break out in a smile and yell it's all a joke. But your face spoke otherwise. Hands folded, stance rigid, he knew you meant business.

"So this how it's going to end? When... when did this happen?" He sniffs, both eye brows raised trying his ultimate best to not cry in front of you. You knew what he was referring to but was it ever acceptable to tell a partner when you fell out of love with him? It would be too much for him to handle.

"I don't know-" "Tell me" He commands, his stature matching yours and you shrug your shoulders. Fine, you had warned him. See if he can handle the cold truth.

"Around two weeks ago. I realised that this relationship... well, I've already told you" You eye his features. Though he seems unfazed, his eyes tell a different story.

"Okay..." He brushed a hot tear away, knowing it was only going to be the first of many to arrive. His heart pained immensely, as though someone had a tight grip around it. Slowly but surely breaking piece by piece.

"I'm sorry... for everything I've put you through. I'm sorry I couldn't be the person you needed. And I'm so sorry for ever treating you like you didn't matter" He turned to look at you, his sapphire eyes shining with the unshed tears. It just twisted the knife that was in your heart. The tears shouldn't be there, he shouldn't have to feel like this. Your arms pitched with the urge to hold him, pretend that it was all going to be okay. Because even if he put you through hell, you still loved him. And that was what you hated the most. Even after everything, why did your heart still beat for him?

"Just close the window when you leave" You turn away, picking up the tossed blanket on the floor. He nods, taking a deep breath. Feeling another hot tear leave his eyes unwillingly, he obliged. He didn't know what he had expected anyway. You to wipe his tear and kiss away his pain? In another world perhaps, but here? Only a turmoil of pain and he was right in the centre. Quietly, the window gently closed as he vanished in the night.

You had taken a deep breath but your lungs felt empty. Heart heavy, body numb, the pain you tried to keep in all night dripped down your cheeks. Continuous hot tears rolled down and you hadn't the energy to wipe them away. And funnily enough, through this you could feel your heart slowly being relieved. Slowly being let out of the shackles it once was pinned in.

Leo didn't know where he was going, anywhere but his home. Jumping from rooftop to rooftop, the tears blurred his vision. Stinging his eyes, burning his cheeks but they were unstoppable. Hearing a loud roll of thunder in the distance, he knew he should have gone home. But he wasn't able to face his family. What a horrible day.

One minute he was on the ledge and the next he felt himself toppling off the edge. Through his heartbreak, he must've miscalculated a step and toppled down the long building. His body banged into the walls, scratched roughly by the bricks until he was thrown into the ground with a loud bang. He was so lucky it wasn't packed and crowded.

Surrounding by the bin bags, drenched with rain, he couldn't hold it in anymore. A shaky cry overcame his body, heavy sobs racking his entire body. He felt like he couldn't breathe, hands trembling trying to console himself. The cries felt like they came from his very soul, gasping for air that never reached his chest. Everything hurt around him. And as if the sky was in agreement, the drizzle of rain became heavy; drenching his very core.

His calf burned, excruciating pain shot up his leg if he added the slightest bit of pressure. Skin was torn from his shoulders and his head felt like it had been punched several times relentlessly.

The rain washed his body, stinging his wounds and carrying the blood away. He heard his phone go off but he hadn't the courage to answer it just yet. He needed help but he couldn't bear to look at anyone. He was where he belonged, with the trash and the dirt. He deserved the hate from other people. He deserved your anger. If only he was able to truly see how you were, maybe this could have been prevented.

Some people didn't deserve love, maybe he was one of them.

No, he was one of those people.

#tmnt x reader #tmnt x reader fanfic #tmnt leonardo #tmnt 2016 x reader #tmnt 2014/16 #tmnt leo #tmnt leonardo x reader #tmnt leonardo x reader angst #tmnt x reader sad angst #tmnt x reader angst #tmnt x reader sad

[yzandra-mc67-blog]

Have you heard about the forbidden name?

A name, traditional in Christianity, for the leader of the devils, an angel who was cast from heaven into hell because he rebelled against God. His name which means “bearer of light” that refers to his former splendor as the greatest of all angels.

People often described him as someone who sees joy in pain of others, how his fondness reflect in his red-orb eyes , his hair dark as ebony covered up his nape , complexion as pale as snow , his veins protruding and visible from his forearms to his hands , how his nails could cut through your skin and how his presence alone quivers you with fear...

Sadie's POV

Fire  is raging ,  engulfing the cars,  the  houses , and buildings. Shots fired  by these armed  people covering their  faces  with black cloth only exposing  their fiery eyes. They continued to shoot their guns , blood  covered the  floor ,  children  crying begging  for their lives as they were shot dead  by these terrorist..

I am panting hard as we  hide ourselves  from them. These horrible people,  how  could they do this. I thought  to myself,  I felt my hand tighten into fist.  "I'am scared Sadie.." Cloribel said (my sister) , her voice  trembling in fear.  I am too..But  I have  to be strong. we need to get  out of here. We have to survive by any means.. we have to..by any means.  "no worries  I am  here,  we will get  out  of here soon okay." I said  smiling. "my feet are tired,  i don't think I can go on Sadie.." Cecaniah (to be read as se-ka-na-yah) my other sister complained as  she  crouch down touching  her  feet. I pat her head  and shot her a smile "Just a little more, okay?"  I assured her.  Our moment  were interrupted  when  shots  were  fired again  , this time near  our  location.  I covered  my sisters as we slowly leave the area. Debris falling , huge crack on walls that I know anytime  would  collapse,  I grab  my sisters  hands  as  I drag them  both to run .  We have to hurry!  We took  a left turn away from the terrorist ,  it lead us  to a  tunnel. This must be a  way out ,  my  hopes  up,  I felt my  heart beats  faster, my  sweat trickling down  from my forehead , my vision  blurred  because of the  dust. We  kept on running when....

The wall cracked  down.. two terrorist showed  up ,  " Hey you  there!"  they pointed  their  guns at  us ,  What should  I do?  if we  run then they will shoot us to death. If  we won't  they would kill us  anyway.   I looked at my sisters. Terrified. Their whole  body trembling in fear. I heard the  the terrorist  crank their guns ready to shoot. "No! don't shoot ! please !  don't shoot!"  I held  my  arms  high , kneeling before them.

"oh? what's in it  for  us  then?"  One of the terrorist knelt before  me  and cupped  my  chin tightly "what can you offer?.. your body?" he tried to reach for my  lips when..

"get away from my sister!" Cecaniah shouted as  she  kicked the man in the face.  My eyes widen in shock , the man grunt in pain  lying  on the floor rubbing  his face to ease the  pain.

The  other  terrorist  run towards Cecaniah and  gave her a  big  blow in her face, his  fist huge as  my sisters  face landed.  She was  knocked  off  , blood  gushing  out of her  nose. " No! Cecaniah!" I ran towards  her  and held her trying to keep her  conscious. "Get  out of the way you brat!"  he grabbed  my hair  hard  and  threw me  on the wall,  I felt  my  lower ribs  broke as I hit the wall hard  landing  on the  floor  face  down. Blood  coming out  of  my  nose  and  mouth , my vision  blurry ,  I am  hearing  my sisters  scream on top of their  lungs,  Cloribel was  beaten  up when she fights back when one guy is trying to touch her.  Her face  covered  with blood,  Cecaniah kicking her feet to get the  man  off  her.

No please,  not  my sister. Please. can someone  help us! I hardly thought.

My sisters  are  crying  out loud

"Nooo! please  don't" Cecaniah screamed.

I tried to stood  up  ,  I felt my  bones  cracked a bit, it  hurts  like  hell.  I walked  closer to them. 

"No please!  take  me instead.  Let them go please... please. You can have  me,  just don't touch my sisters"  tears running  down  my  face stinging the small scratches . My knees  trembling, my vision  turning  black ,  I swear  I could  collapse  right  now but  not just yet . please.

"Ahh shit! you girls  are tiring  me,  I am  not in the  mood  anymore! you are  better  off dead" The  man told  Cecaniah who's lying on ground. Lethargic.

the  other  man  dragged  Cloribel by the hand  and tossed  her  next to Cecaniah. She was  touched. Her eyes  were blank, white creases  between  her  thighs, her  face  full of  blood and her extremeties trembling involuntarily. 

the two terrorist placed their gun on their forehead.  "I want  you to watch right there as  we  pulled this trigger" The  guy mocked as he laugh loudly.

"Please ! Don't! please don't kill them!" I begged 

God  please ! ,  help us,  send me your help. Save  us  ,  no just save  my sisters. You can't  do this to me.  please!

I prayed  hard that feels  like  my  head  is  going to burst trying  to call for  God's  help. 

I knelt  down,  screaming  out, my heart filled  with anger ,  I felt abandoned.  God, why have you forsaken  us?!

"Dammit!!  Lucifer!!  you can hear me right!  save  us!  give me something to protect  my  Sister!!! give it now!!!!" my  voice cracked, hoarse in pain .

"please!! I'll trade  my soul for it!!!  you can have mee!!!"

I continued  screaming  , crying .  The terrorists laughing  out loud

"you foolish kid hahaha" 

I cried  hard  I feel like  my  eyes  would  fall off, my tears  hitting the floor making their own  little sound, my hands on the floor covered  with dirt and dusts,  my nails grazes the cement ground and  clenches. My vision  blurry until I saw drops  of  blood .. My vision  turned  red ..

What? what's  this?  I'm crying  blood..

Is  this  our end?

Cecaniah, Cloribel.. I'm sorry. I failed  to protect you..

"I heard  you.."

An  unfamiliar voice of a  guy coming  from behind..

his hands,  cold as  Ice pat  my shoulder. I gaze  on  his hands with protruding  veins , his long nails almost carving  into my skin.  The  moment  he touched  me  I felt my  body gone  heavy,  I felt my  blood  gushing  in  on my  every vein ,  my  lungs expanded at it's  utmost ,  my  heart pounding  painfully , something  is  inside  me ,  something just got  in to my body. A translucent secretion  from  my  mouth slithers down  to my chin to jaws down to my  neck...

"A fool you say?" the guy  mocked as he  looked  at the terrorists with sarcasm.

"you lowlife mortals dared to take life away from these people, dared  to kill children when  you had  your own sons and daughters. Touched  women when you had  your wives,I am  truly in awe to see how ruthless  human being  could be  and  how dumb they could  get . Not knowing the  rules of the Gods ,that the  moment you commit these crimes your souls are mine!  hahaha" The guy said  laughing  hysterically.

I felt my muscles  relax  now,  I felt better,  I felt different ,  I felt somethings  gonna  happen next.. somethings....  And I snapped..

******

Lucifer's POV

The terrorist looked annoyed by what I just said,  they started  facing  me  and  released  fires.

I raised  my  hand stopping the  bullets  an inch from me. They continued shooting until I have gathered  a  total of  FIFTY FOUR bullets.

"What the Hell! the bullets are  not  going  through!" said  one

" my  guns are  empty.."  one whispered,  but  I clearly  heard it with my  ears  this enhanced.

"oh? out of  bullets now, I see? let me  return some.." With a flick  of my  fingers  I  threw  these  bullets  back to them. Their bodies  filled  with holes enough to drain their body pale. These insolent fools are still  breathing..

"oh  how I would want to end  your suffering but I believe someone wants to do it  on my  behalf." I said  as  I move aside , giving way to her.. my newest devil.

I couldn't stop but shot these terrorists with a  smirk.

The girl slowly stood up , her eyes..  soul-less  and filled of anger. Her wounds have healed her long thick and dark hair covered her entire back down to her buttocks. Her fist clenched as  blood trickles down,  she's  looking at those terrorist  with dead eyes,  as soon as  she exposed  her nails , her  feet deepen her stance breaking the ground and bolted into the terrorists' direction. Her strength gave  out pressure to the area breaking off the walls and dusts scattered in the air.

She  placed  her  hands  on the neck of one and  sunken her nails cutting  off  the veins  one by one.. She clenched her hands tightly until she get of a hold  of  his spine and ripped  it  out.

Ugh.. I felt the pain.. it was  so good, the smell of these blood, ahhh it drives my hormones crazy. Damn I wanna fuck..

The  other guy ,  crawled away using  the energy that's left in him  hoping  to escape her.

"Oh God,  please save me!" he cried

I stood  before  him,  his hands  reaching  for my feet..

"Please, help me, Save Me!!!!!" He said  lurking  his  hands  around  my leg.

"You dared to ask help from God after what you have done to his people and even dared to ask help from a devil? hahaha " I laughed out  of  my lungs,  these humans are hilarious

"You are not worth to save.." I whispered  in my  most devilish tone. 

She sat onto his back her  right hand placed  on his  face , while the other hand was  placed on the terrorists' jaw.

"No!  Please!!  No No noo! "

he cried.. She sunken  her  thin lanky  finger into his eyes gougeing out  his eyeball,  she crushed every single nerve found in the hole.  And after ,  she twisted his head with force and snapped  the cervical spine to face her..

"why must my sister be touched by  the  likes of you" She whispered in a stoic  voice.

Our eyes  met, her eyes used to be in a color of hazel, but now  it feels  like I am looking at my own eyes. Bright red orb,  a little dull but  much brighter than mine....