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fallforcs · 6 years

Text

Wilderness of Your Heart

Art by @eastwesthomeisbest

Author: @ohmakemeahercules

Summary: 6x14 Canon Divergence: What if Emma had some help in deciphering between Captain Hook being revealed as Robert’s murderer and the Killian Jones she loves?

Rating and reason for the rating: T for strong language

Trigger warnings: Passing reference to murder, drinking references

Authors Note: I hated how no one batted an eye at Killian’s absence between 6x14 to 6x17. No one thought to fight for him and gave him the benefit of the doubt. This story attempts to fix that a year and a half later. David and Henry know Killian pretty well by now. I think they’d have some insight into the man he has become. Anyway, I hope you all enjoy this as much I did in the writing process.

@girl-in-the-band-tshirt: I COULD NOT have asked for a better beta while writing this story. It would not be half of what it is without you. I am so happy to have worked with you. I tend to focus more on ideas and thoughts. You took care of the technical side. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. Don’t be a stranger after this is over.

@eastwesthomeisbest Thank you so much for the gorgeous edit. I’d not seen your work before this; it is stunning :) I wish I could thank you in your inbox but you’ll know my identity soon enough.

Word Count: 3,187

**********

David,

I’m concerned about Killian. He was out by the docks this evening with a bag over his shoulder. I don't know what his plans are. When we were talking, his mind seemed millions of miles away. He avoided eye contact and went stiff when I hugged him. Something isn’t right. You should check in with him; you’re closer to him than I am.

Love, Snow

David growled. Dammit, Hook. You promised you would never leave my daughter. You’re no better than all the other bastards who abandoned her. Wait. If Hook left, that means Emma is alone. And probably not taking this well. I should check on her. Well, it’s my turn at the station for night shift at the station anyway. I’ll stop by on my way over. Technically Emma and Hook's house was out of the way from the loft, but he had to see if his daughter was okay.

He glanced at his phone. 11 o’clock. His shift technically started at midnight, but he wanted to allow time to visit Emma. He glanced over at baby Neal’s crib. Ruby agreed to babysit during night shift since Snow would be unable to attend to the baby should he wake up. He sent her a quick text letting her know he was about to leave. She quickly replied she would be over shortly.

*********

Emma banged her head against her bedroom window. Where are you, Hook? You should be back by now. You’ve always come back. Why haven’t you this time?

Ever since Hook had walked out their front door several hours earlier, Emma had attempted to keep herself busy. She’d gone to the station for a few hours, updating records and filing away papers. It was surprisingly quiet. And quite lonely without Hook’s warm and husky timbre and innuendo-laden remarks. She’d considered looking for him, but decided against it. If he came back, it should be his decision. She’d taken that away from him once; she refused to do that again.

No use torturing myself waiting all night. She turned around and saw Hook’s pirate chest next to the TV stand. The sight had become such commonplace in the past few weeks, she hadn’t paid much attention.Tonight she notices his rum flask sitting on top of a few papers. She trudges across the room to look.

Emma recognizes it immediately: old typeset on weathered parchment with jagged edges on the left side. These must be the pages August gave Hook. She remembered seeing Hook talking to August out the window the previous night. He left them out, so it’s not technically snooping, right? She sets the flask aside and picks up the pages. The story breaks her heart all over again: a struggling man forced to choose between his children or losing his home. He’d tried to correct his mistake yet still lost his life.

I’m sorry you didn’t get your second chance, Robert. This one’s for you . She picks up Hook’s flask and takes a sip. The liquid goes down sweet at first, then quickly bursts into flames. A metaphor of my last 24 hours. Her thumb rubbed down the smooth metal, similar to holding Killian’s hook like a hand. Her last memory of this flask was placing it on his grave prior to Robin’s funeral. Killian had picked it up after his resurrection, perplexed. Emma told him she thought he would like that better than roses. He agreed, before kissing her for the thousandth time in ten minutes. Maybe he’s not coming back.

Before she could entertain that thought, the front door shut with a distinct thud . Henry’s home. Good. Henry had gone over to his girlfriend Violet’s parents house for a supervised movie night. He was appalled his girlfriend had never seen the Star Wars movies. Tonight they were starting with A New Hope, because Henry preferred the classics over the prequels. Hook had also enjoyed the films when they’d watched them almost a week ago. Why does my mind keep creeping back to Hook?

“Mom! Killian! I’m home!” He called out.

“Up here, kid.” Her voice was barely audible, so she doubted he heard her. She set the pages and flask back down.

Henry’s footsteps raced up the stairs a few moments later. “Hello? Anyone home?”

“Yeah.” Emma croaked.

She’d left the bedroom door slightly ajar, allowing Henry to peek his head through. “Mom. Everything okay?”

“Not really. How was your night?”

“Good. Where’s Killian?”

I can’t lie to my son. He’d see right through me if I tried anyway. “I don’t know, kid.”

“Why not? You two are joined at the hip 24/7.”

“We had a falling out this afternoon. I haven’t seen him since.”

Henry gasped. “You’re not together anymore?”

I hope we still are, Emma groaned internally. “Not quite. Another incident from his past revealed itself. You know how hard Hook is on himself. He tried to burn the memory instead of tell me.”

“This has happened before. What’s the big deal?”

“Because it involves Charming’s father.”

“Captain Hook killed Grandpa’s father?”

Damn my kid is perceptive. “Yes, he did.”

Henry curled his lip in thought, much like his stepfather. “Our Killian wouldn’t do that.”

“No, but he’s also Captain Hook. A legendary villain.”

Henry rolled his eyes. “This isn’t brand new information, Mom. You’ve known this for how long? It hasn’t bothered you before.”

I’m not in the mood for teenage attitude. “He killed my grandfather! Robert could’ve gotten his life together, given Grandpa happy life. Maybe even made it to Storybrooke with us.”

“We don’t know that for a fact. His ship could’ve wrecked or he could have run into a wild animal. I’m not saying what Captain Hook did wasn’t wrong. It’s terrible. But the Killian Jones I know would take it all back if he could. He’s righted as many wrongs as humanly possible.”

Emma didn’t know how to respond. Logically she knew Henry’s words are true. Hook had proven himself many times over. But the battle between facts and a wounded heart clouded her mind.

“You know it’s true. You’re just too hurt to admit it right now.”

Her lips twitched. “I guess I’m an open book to you, too, huh?”

“Pretty much. You’re not giving up on your True Love that easily, are you?”

“Look, Henry…”

Another knock at the front door interrupts her train of thought. What the hell? It’s a quarter to midnight! Oh shit, it better not be another crisis. I can’t handle another one with Hook gone. She barely registers Henry saying he would answer it.

“Emma! Are you okay?”

The unexpected voice jars her out of her mental fog. “Dad? What are you doing here?”

“Snow left me a note that she’d seen Killian and he didn’t look well. Did something happen?”

Emma’s eyes narrowed. “He hasn’t been back since we fought earlier.”

David flinched. “What did you fight about?”

She sighed, the dreamcatcher’s web dancing in the firelight of her mind. “Killian’s past came back to haunt him, as it so often does. It wasn’t what he did, but how he went about it.”

“What did he do?”

Shit, how am I supposed to handle this? “ It’s complicated. It has to do with the circumstances of your father’s death. He should tell you himself, but he’s not here. I don’t want you to find out second hand.”

The prince frowned. “I’m going to find out either way, Emma. You can tell me.”

That your current best friend’s villain alter ego murdered your father centuries ago? If you insist. “King George ordered Robert’s death after he attempted to save James and failed. As punishment, Robert was tied to a cart in the Enchanted Forest and left to die. The cart was raided by a band of pirates, led by Captain Hook. Hook’s sword…”

The anguish on David’s face indicated he had connected the dots. He sat back and took a deep breath.

Seeing her father’s conflicting features reminded Emma of the pain Captain Hook caused. She’d previously been able to compartmentalize his past because it never directly dealt with anyone in her family. He had committed numerous atrocities and caused immeasurable heartbreak. I shouldn’t have gotten involved .

“Damn,” David muttered. “I always he knew he was a villain. It was much easier to deal with in an abstract sense.”

I know what you mean. “Yeah. I’m sorry, Dad.”

He shook head. “No need to be sorry. You didn’t do anything wrong. I just didn’t expect to get my heart to get ripped out again tonight.”

“Me either. What kills me is he still thinks so low of himself and his past that he would rather burn his memories than talk to me.”

“That’s how you found out?”

She nodded. “He had the memory in my dream catcher and was about throw it in the fireplace. I confronted him, which lead to the argument.”

“Why was he so afraid to tell you?”

I don’t know. I just thought with all we've been through, he’d have more trust in us as a unit.”

“Sometimes people do things that have nothing to do with the other person. They project what they want to see versus what’s actually there.”

Emma’s throat tightened . Fuck, Dad you can read me just as well as Hook. “What do you mean?”

“Recently, I asked him to help me find my father’s killer. He wasn’t keen on the idea, but agreed. My anger told me I needed a right hand man to help me avenge Dad’s death. What I got was completely different. Was he playing along to appease me?”

“He didn’t know.” Emma grabbed the storybook pages from the TV stand. “August removed these before you got there. Then he gave them to Killian later.”

David took the documents from Emma. He and Henry studied the content for a moment. At first, Emma couldn’t read her father’s expression. Suddenly, tears filled his eyes. “I almost killed King George in the jail dungeon. Killian intervened by locking him back in the cell. I threw him against the wall with a knife to his throat.”

Emma cringed internally. How many people have held a knife to my pirate’s neck now? Why are angry people obsessed with it?

“He told me Dad resisted temptation at the final moment. I screamed that it wasn’t enough. What if I can’t protect you from Gideon? What if the sleeping curse with Snow is permanent? He stepped away from the door and said, Go ahead. Kill this man if it made me feel stronger. But if I ever saw my father again one day, would I be able to look him in the eye? I couldn’t have lived with murdering someone, no matter how much they deserved it.”

He didn’t tell me that. A twinge of disappointment emerged in her stomach. I wish he would have. But I haven’t been the most perceptive soon-to-be fiancé in the world. I missed how devastated he was about finding out HE was Robert’s murderer. “What happened next?”

The prince blushed, a rare sight. “I cried hysterically. I didn’t give myself time to process everything, which resulted in my demise.”

Emma nodded in recognition. She’d been doing the exact same thing since her encounter with the Oracle. “I wouldn’t call it a demise. Even leaders need a shoulder to lean on.”

“Killian was mine. He crouched in front of me, threw my knife to the side and put his hand on my shoulder.”

He’s the first one by your side if you need him. Yet I wasn’t there when he needed me most. He needed me to save him from himself. The guilt escalated in her system. “I’m glad he was there.”

“I am, too. He really has changed, Emma. When I was hellbent on bloodlust, he kept trying to steer me in the right direction. Even after I handcuffed him to the bike rack by Town Hall.”

Emma huffed. “He’s probably used to it. I did the same thing in at the Beanstalk. Chained him up next to a magically knocked out giant that could wake up at any moment.”

“Ha, what I did was a cake walk, then.”

He probably hates my guts. Normally, Emma would have laughed her father’s joke. Anxious to deflect the subject, she asked: “What did Mom tell you in her letter? Why was she worried?”

“She saw him by the docks with a backpack. She said he was distracted, stiff and not mentally present.”

Her heart dropped. He left. Just like everyone else. I pushed him too far. She pictured the heartbreak on Killian’s face as she placed the ring in his hand. I shouldn’t have made him ask. I was too engrossed with my own happiness.

“Emma, what is it?”

“It’s my fault he’s gone. I shouldn’t have gotten mad at him in the first place.”

“This isn’t a blame game, Mom.” Henry said. “Arguments happen.”

David nodded. “He’s right. Your mother was livid when she found out I couldn’t leave Neverland. I didn’t want distract from our main goal: saving Henry.” He put his hand on his grandson’s shoulder. “But lying by omission is still lying, no matter how pure one’s intentions may be.”

Visions of Killian bleeding in the middlemist field entered her mind. “That was the hardest lesson to learn as a Dark One. I thought I was doing the right thing by saving his life, but I betrayed him in the worst way instead. And I hurt both of you. You were afraid to come near me.”

David frowned. “You weren’t the easiest to find, Emma. If you’d said you’d needed help, we would’ve come in a heartbeat.”

“I know. My walls were as high as when I got to Storybrooke.”

“Don't be so hard on yourself. You were controlled by the evilest magic in the universe.” Henry urged her.

“I wish it were that simple, kid. Emotions get more complicated as an adult.”

David rubbed his chin. “Speaking of complicated emotions, I suspect foul play might be involved in Killian’s absence.”

Emma squinted. “What are you talking about?”

Henry’s eyes lit up. “Mom. Think of who of the current villain is. The son of Killian’s worst enemy. Who wants to kill you.”

“Don’t remind me.” Emma groaned.

“Hear us out, please.” David sighed. “Gideon is a Stiltskin. Rumple knows how much Killian loves you. He also loves his son and will twist any reality to give him what he wants.”

“Killian would go to the end of the world to protect you,” Henry added.

The prince smirked. “He told me as much in the Enchanted Forest.”

Emma furrowed her brow. “What are you talking about?”

“We set up camp on the way to rescue you from the Evil Queen’s dungeon. He told me he would go to the end of the world or time for his princess. I asked if she would do the same. He had the saddest look on his face when he said he didn’t know.”

Emma’s heart sank, thinking back to that adventure. She’d spent every minute shooting him down, yet he followed her through a magic portal with no guarantee of returning to Storybrooke. “I pushed him away and took for granted that he always came back. I kept waiting for him to get sick of my rejections and leave, just like everyone else.”

David cleared his throat.

“It’s not your fault, Dad.”

“I know, but I hate that you had to endure so much pain.”

“Pain brought us together, though. We understood each other: look out for yourself and you’ll never get hurt. He waited patiently despite my sometimes hostile reactions.”

“This is a man who died to protect you, to protect all of us. Do you honestly think he would leave over a lover’s quarrel?”

Emma’s knew she had no right to be angry at Killian. She had guarded an earth shattering secret just days before in the name of protecting him. He’s tried to gently coax the truth out of her. How did she repay him? By rebuilding her walls he’d worked so diligently to destroy. And she’s done it again tonight. Along with breaking a long time promise. A tear slid down her cheek as a light bulb switched in her mind. “No. He wouldn’t.”

“What is it, honey?”

“I once promised him I would see the best in him. Yet again I completely wrote him off while you and Henry believed. Even after I told you he killed your father!”

Her dad scooted his chair closer and grasped her hand. “Emma, you were alone for the longest time, regardless of the circumstance. You aren’t going to forget those insecurities overnight.”

“I know, but.” She sniffled. “I should have known better.”

“Hey, blaming ourselves won’t get us anywhere, kiddo. At least not anywhere productive.”

Emma chuckled. “That’s true. When you've been let down like I have, its an automatic reaction.”

“I won’t let you down, Emma.”

“Killian said the same thing. Which, we were about to have a movie moment before you and Mom so RUDELY interrupted us.”

“Yeah, not our smoothest entrance in the world. This family has a history of inopportune interruptions during private moments, though. Consider it Killian’s induction into the the Charming family.”

This time, Emma laughed. Even though her parents looked as young as she was, she didn’t need to know about their intimate activities. Tacos and sex would always be linked together since she walked in the loft that day. “Hey. Since when did you join the Killian Jones fan club?”

Charming snorted a laugh. “He grew on me. Both as my daughter’s partner and a friend. Look, all I’ve wanted is your safety and happiness. He provides you with both. Who am I to stand in the way of that?”

“I love him, Dad. And he loves me.”

David smiled. “I know. It just took time for your old man to accept it.” He paused. “However, that does not mean we won’t have a chat about this issue upon his return.”

Emma arched her brows. What are you talking about? I have no idea where he went!”

“But you’re not alone anymore, Mom.” Henry chimed in. “You’re a part of a family now, as is Killian. People will help you.”

“Whose motto is ‘I will always find you.” David said. “No matter where we are, we always find our way back to each other.”

She snorted. Of course! The obnoxiously sappy family motto. She thought it sounded like a stalker mantra when she first heard it. Now, she realized it didn’t just refer to a person’s physical location. It meant searching through the wilderness of one’s heart. Killian had been drowning in a sea of self loathing for the villain of yesteryear while she was lost in a forest of abandonment as a child without a stable home. They found each other in Hell and lived to tell the tale, didn’t they? Surely, another realm hopping adventure couldn’t separate them!

Emma summoned her courage and smiled at her companions. “You’re right. Let’s go get our pirate back.”

#ffcs 2018 #fallforcs #fall for captain swan #blinddate with a fanfic #cs ff #cs canon divergence #aquietcalmoflove

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