#avriel has very much perfected his Glacial Stare™ and the rare times it comes out instantly makes the room temp drop several hundred degree

[snowthornes]

A warning: ahead is a very very long essay-slash-ramble about Salyra, a character from Crown of Exile by @ramonag-if . I have a lot of thoughts about her complexities as a character as well as the tragedies of her relationship with the MC, so I figured I should just put them all into words before I explode. If you haven't read CoE yet, please do — you won't regret it!! Especially if you're a huge fan of complicated, "okay wow this hurts" family angst and heart melting romance. 🥹✨✨

Salyra is someone who possesses the self-created tragedy of a hero. When Salyra believes in something, she believes in it with her whole heart, and she'll stop at nothing to fight for it. She's... the hero that many adore, but hurts those closest to her, directly or indirectly. Like her family, who've heard nary a word from her for all those years, not knowing if she was alive or dead. Like the MC.

Salyra's sacrificed countless things for her cause, and those sacrifices sometimes involved the hearts of those who loved her.

She's willful. Willful and determined. Great qualities for a rebellion's leader/figure of inspiration; not so much for when you're trying to patch up a relationship with your child who had long thought you dead, and had suffered for it.

It's like she thinks that if she pushes enough, if she shows MC the depths of her sincerity, it'll make MC accept her after all those years. It doesn't. For certain MCs, anyway. It only serves to push them further away.

Right, this is going to swerve into more specific territory. I'll be going into a little more detail on my MC's relationship with Salyra. The relationship between Salyra and my MC just... fascinates me.

Salyra is the high priestess, adored by the people of Ishari. MC... is MC. They were discriminated, mistreated, and followed with gazes of spite and distrust in Cyre because of their Ishari blood. Once MC returned to Ishari, they were greeted with — surprise, surprise — even more gazes of distrust and suspicion! Partly because of their blood guard parentage, partly because of their loyalty to the exiled prince, etc etc.

You stare at Rana, suddenly conflicted with anger and betrayal. You never wanted a sister, you only wanted a mother. Rana stares at you, suddenly gripping onto Mama's arm and twisting behind her, as if afraid to look up at you. A look of disappointment flashes through Mama's eyes, but it is directed at you, not Rana. It is a look you remembered Mama using when anyone would upset you as a child and now, you find yourself bearing the full force of her frown. You would laugh were it not so painful to think about the life you were robbed while Mama evidently moved on.

"Avriel," Mama murmurs. "You are my son and I know that I have not always been there for you, but I would like to remedy that. We cannot gain back what we have lost, but we have time now to find each other again."

"I need to go," Mama murmurs. "Rana needs me, Avriel. So does Danzor."

For a moment, you catch sight of your mother, but she does not see you. After returning to the temple, she has washed and changed, the priestesses who had been chanting earlier, now crowding around her. Anu called Mama the High Priestess and you cannot help but wonder just how long she has been in Ishari.

It's these. These scenes. Salyra has built a life in Ishari, a life without the MC. A loving family, a figure loved by the people... this is all that MC knows of who Salyra is now. The Salyra presented to him is a hero. A golden existence, a light in the dark, fearless leader of the rebellion.

(They need you? What about me, Mama? Do I not need you as well?)

(Those who had looked at you with suspicion now look at her with respectful, even admiring eyes. Salyra has a life here. But you — you are just the same. You are an outsider still, whether in Cyre or Ishari.)

Avriel is genuine and soft hearted, but he has a spine of unbending steel. He is proud. All those years mourning Salyra, grieving for her, only to find her alive and well in Ishari and with a family that she so clearly (and here we have a peek into Avriel's pain induced bitter thoughts, because honestly, that sad and angry child from so long ago never truly left him) prioritizes over him.

It's like his life has been rendered into a bitter joke.

What does Salyra want from him? Does she expect him to come and go as she pleases, there when she wants him and gone when she doesn't? Is he expected to wait in the wings as Salyra tends to her new family, only playing the part of a loving son when her eyes turn to him once more? Salyra, his mama. Salyra, now the head priestess, looked upon with respect by the very people who had looked at him with such suspicion.

(^ Above is Avriel's current thought process. Yes, he's a real mess. Irus is having a hell of a time soothing him, as the usual gentle-eyed man is currently very much like a wounded cat with its claws out and teeth bared, eyes set in a glacial glint.)

And honestly, those words might be quite unfair to Salyra. We do not know what she's experienced. Not yet. But are the words left spoken and unspoken between mother and child always fair? I think not. Salyra's expectations of MC could be called unfair as well, depending on the MC you're playing.

I just. I just find this so tragic. Salyra is a deeply complex character. Her greatest strengths are also her deepest flaws. Ironic, how the qualities that made her a hero could be the very thing that chills the heart of her child. I remember you said that Salyra will wise up on how to treat the MC in a future chapter, but wow. The tragedy of Salyra being her own undoing and the detoriation of the relationship between lauded mother and outcast child is just. Wow.

Also. leaving this here because Irus + Nearly Feral with Rage MC is everything:

You nearly laugh, the bitter rage that has been festering beneath your skin like a swarm of wasps, threatens to erupt from your skin. Prince Irus settles a hand on your shoulder and instantly, you are looking at him, noting the concern in his gaze. All at once, the rage leaves you, until you can finally breathe once more.

#aspen rambles #ok WOW that got long #really long #salyra is so deeply tragic #and she makes me so angry #but so fascinated #won't stop my mc from going head to head with her tho #crown of exile #coe: salyra #coe: rana #oc: avriel #avriel is having an awful very not good time in ishari #irus has his hands full because mans is ready to BITE #avriel has very much perfected his Glacial Stare™ and the rare times it comes out instantly makes the room temp drop several hundred degree #alr that's all thank you everyone