#banning you from my inbox permanently💙 /j

[everysongineverykey]

Hello you-can-always-come-home,

For the past day or so you have been making your followers cringe with a hypothetical Deltarune MCU adaptation. In front of you is a computer currently displaying your tumblr account. You have 24 hours to write a cringeworthy mcu fandom-esc selfship fanfic with Berdly. Should you fail, your followers will instead fill this fandom ship niche with their own fanfic, almost certainly resulting in something far worse than whatever you could come up with. Will you succumb to the awful awful idea that you have unleashed, or will you finally get a taste of your own medicine? Live or die, the choice is yours.

christ alive. it's done. i really tried to write from the voice of a 13 year old mcu fan back in like 2014 and i really hope it doesn't come off as mocking anyone in particular. anyone who reads this i Promise you this writing style is put on and that i am a better writer than this actually

After the roaring knight turned out to be a personification of the fun gang's insecurities and was defeated by the power of friendship and also Triple Spamvil Neo 5000, the almighty fusion between Spamton and Jevil that had two laser cannon arms instead of one and flossed a lot, the heroes and all their friends decided to live together in Ralsei's castle in Castle town 2.0, a haven for all darkners and Lightners where everyone could live together and be happy since it was made of a different kind of darkness then all the others. Susie and Ralsei were now King and queen (Author's note: can be romantic or platonic depending on what you like best but all im gonna say is i LOVED the scene where he saved her from falling off a cliff and then said "I think you just fell for me" >_<) and Kris was Crown Prince(ss) (Author's note: haven't decided on a gender for Kris yet LOL). They were all roommates and everyone was happy.

Well, except for one person. Berdly, even though he was the reason the gang got out with their lives when he said "It's spammin' time" to summon Triple Spamvil 5000 (a.n: who else LOVED that morbius reference🤣), was still alone, his room in the castle was just a broom closet under the stairs and all he was ever fed was bread crumbs twice a day. Both Susie and Noelle had rejected him even though he was such a nice guy because they said he wasn't their type. Berdly's life in Castle Town 2.0 was TERRIBLE and he wished he had never helped them out at all.

Then one day he met someone who changed his life forever. She was half Darkner, half Lightner due to being born from one of the last Dark fountains to be sealed and her name was (Y/N). She first met Berdly when she was seeing King Ralsei and Queen Susie in the throne room to discuss her new job, the Lightner-Darkner ambassador.

Susie, Ralsei and (Y/N) were walking through the castle halls. "Well (Y/N)" said Ralsei, "I am very glad we got to meet you. It seems like you will be a perfect fit for the job of ambassador."

(Y/N) beamed. "Thank you your majesty. I will do my duty with pride. Being the only Lightner-Darkner hybrid in the world isn't easy, but I know it'll give me a special insight for this job."

Susie yawned loudly. "UGH," she complained, "Ralsei, didja HAVE to drag me along with you to talk to this priss? You know I hate di- di- diplodicus."

"Y-You mean diplomacy." Said Ralsei.

"Ugh, what-EVER," Susie groaned. "If I don't get to break something right now Im gonna explode" She turned suddenly and smashed an expensive vase sitting on a column. (Y/N) and Ralsei jumped back, (Y/N)'s kalidoscope orbs shining with fear.

"S-Susie!" sputtered Ralsei, terrified. "Y-You have to stop breaking vases! They're expensive!"

Susie roared with laughter. "Whatever toothpaste boy. Hey!" She looked around, snapping her fingers. "Where's Nerdly? He'll clean it up for me. Nerdy!"

Berdly came skittering quickly over from around the corner. "Y-Yes your ma-"

He stopped in his tracks, eyes landing on (Y/N). She was beautiful, there was no doubt about it. Her striped whitr-and-black hair humg around her shining skin like a halo, and she wore a gorgeous floor-length gown that glittered with every color of the rainbow.

Forget Noelle, this was the first real angel Berdly had ever seen. He suddenly realized hed been staring too long and cleared his throat blushing

"Uh... yes, your majesty?"

Susie motioned to the mess on the floor. "Clean that up. And don't take so long this time, I don't wanna see your ugly face stilll here in half an hour again."

Berdly looked miserably at the broken mess om the floor. "B-But your majesty, you said I could have a day off today-"

"Berdly" Ralsei said sternly. "Listen to your queen."

Berdly sighed sadly and dropped to the floor, and (Y/N) suddenly felt terrible for this boy who seemed like he just wanted to live a nice life in Castle Town.

"Excuse me," she touched his wing and he froze, blushing, "Don't worry about that. I'll clean it up."

She snapped her delicate fingers and in a second, the shards had disappeared. Leaving the floor clean again.

Berdly blinked in surprise. Susie's eyes narrowed. "Aw, c'mon, wheres the fun in that?! He always does the cleaning here! It's fun to watch him suffer!"

Ralsei tried to intervene, "Susie, please-"

"I don't care if you don't like him," (Y/N) challenged the dragon, stepping closer adversarially. "It's wrong to treat anyone this way. He obviously only wants to be friends with you and you're being very unfair."

Susie, not used to being told she's wrong, glared at (Y/N), smoke flowing out of her nostrils. "I'm Queen here!" she yelled. "I should be able to do what I want! Ugh, i'm gonna need some chalk for this" She stormed off, stomping down the hall. Good riddance, (Y/N) thought, though she was too polite to say it out loud.

Ralsei hurried after Susie meekly. "S-Susie, calm down-" Leaving (Y/N) and Berdly alone in the hall.

Berdly couldn't believe what had just happened. Someone had stood up for him! Someone cares how he feels! No one not even Noelle had ever tried to challenge the way he was treated ever since he moved to Castle Town 2.0 and now this gorgeous girl was leaning down and smiling at him.

"Are you alright?" She asked kindly, holding out her hand for him to take. "I'm sorry that happened. What's your name?"

"B-Berdly," he stammered taking her hand and quickly getting to his feet. "W-Who are you? I've never seen anyone like you before."

She blushed at that, and Berdly's heart skipped a beat. Her orbs turned bright pink, the color of happiness... and love?

"(Y/N)," she said quickly. "I'm the new darkner Lightner ambassador. Please to meet you Berdly!" Her face turned sad all of a sudden. "Do they... all treat you like that?"

Berdly's blue orbs turned dark with sadness as he looked down, muttering "Ever since I moved here. I helped them defeat the Roaring Knight too. And yet even my old friends seem to hate me now..."

"That's so sad!" (Y/N)'s eyes turned a deep blue to show her sorrow. "I'm sorry Berdly. You don't deserve this."

Berdly blushed again, shrugging. "Not much i can do"

Suddenly, (Y/N) reached out and took his hand, something that no one had done in a long time "Well I'm going to do something about it. Mark my words Berdly, no one'll treat you like a slave again as long as I'm here. Now, tell me about yourself."

She took his wing and they set off down the hall, walking and talking and laughing and Berdly could feel that this girl was going to change his life.

fucking. there. chapter one of The Reason I Should Not Have Internet. chapter 2 coming never because i've done enough

#not fucking tagging this #what if we all blew up and died. what then #anyway. time to continue writing the fic i actually like and am proud of. thanks for this anon. #banning you from my inbox permanently💙 /j