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#bc he doesn't treat me like i'm (insert whatever gender people treat me like). he just treats me like i'm jessamine
magentagalaxies
·
1 month
Text
having a moment about my gender rn and i'm just like ugggggh @ my brain do we have to. like can we just not
#i need to go to bed soon bc i have a 10am class tomorrow but shoutout to the identity crisis i've been having since at least feb 6th
#idk if identity crisis is even the right word. bc like one thing about me is that i have a very solid sense of self
#like i know who i am and what i want and how i move through the world and what it feels like to be me
#but in terms of how i label and explain that to others? that's where the identity crisis comes in
#but no one else gets to experience me in first person POV so the descriptors i use and they ways i present myself are reality to them
#and tbh? as i think about how some of the descriptors i use for myself don't accurately describe me some people are getting mad???
#which is so fucking bizarre bc like. what the fuck it's my gender why are YOU being offended???
#but it's also making me low key be like ''wait am i a bad person now????''
#even tho i don't believe morality works like that. idk it's just been an exhausting month and a half
#if anyone wants to hear more in depth thoughts on all this i would love to vent about it
#(but not rn bc i will be going to bed as soon as i get this all out)
#but like what i will say now is even tho this past month and a half has been ROUGH (for several reasons especially gender)
#and people might expect that me spending so much time with scott in february made it more exhausting
#which is understandable we love scott but touring in general is tiring and also i am the most opinionated person i've ever met but so is he
#and also like. if you've heard scott talk about gender it's very obvious we disagree on a lot of things and he doesn't shy away from that
#but the thing is. i'd actually say spending so much time with scott (even when we talk about gender. even when we *argue* about gender)
#was actually such a good thing for me throughout all of this bc even when we disagree on semantics of labels
#scott actually sees me beyond that rather than reducing my identity to what i call myself
#which is how a lot of well-meaning allys tend to treat me. like i'm just one thing.
#so when i'm with scott i never really have to think about my gender
#bc he doesn't treat me like i'm (insert whatever gender people treat me like). he just treats me like i'm jessamine
#and i'm tired of having to explain myself into smaller pieces so people can pretend to get it
#but i feel like there's no way not to do that in our society rn especially at my ''progressive'' liberal arts college
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