#bc i am tired and hungry but nauseous but i dont feel like eating anyway which wtf

[baekuras]

well i dont need to go to the doctor but my boss also asked if i couldnt come in later before changing his mind because i was actually bawling my eyes out as a result of even thinking about calling him (thanks brain) so i don’t need to go out tomorrow to my doc if i dont want to

but dear god this is exhausting i also feel like i should be taking notes just in case i do actually smarten up and go to therapy or smth just so I know how fucking bad i can get and not just do the thing teen me did and act like everything was fine so people believed me and nothing happened and i was mad about it bc i obviously still felt like shit but i was able to just act normal enough for me to be left alone i GUESS gdi teen me leading the way for adult me to hide that anything could be wrong right until there is some breaking point last time i left school don’t actually wanna cold quit work though-feels like having no income might not be a great idea <-<

#txts #i do have savings i can fall back on and i can p easily find a new job in my field #just most other places suck ass so....no thanks #option B is i just go start my own company and become independent doing art or smth #idfk i am sleep deprived and tired as i had to point out to myself so i would actually call in sick and not try and go through work #bc that made me less anxious than calling my boss #but i am clinging to the idea of 'hey healthy human intelligence dictates that g #oing over 24hours without ANY rest is a bad idea :D #so dont fucking do that :D' #gonna have to call my dentist when they open and see if i can reschedule my appointment bc ofc the nearest date of tooth removal #is on a day where we are max 4 ppl if i am around at work #and after having a tooth broken out of you which is basically tug of war w/ your tooth vs the dentist #yeah no i WILL go home and SLEEP #every other day we are like 6 to 8 ppl w/ or w/out me #but nope-that ONE day ofc #fine whatever #suits me better bc that means i have a full day off and not just a half day #just needs to happen in that week pls #this better be rant/venting posts over for now tho #bc i am tired and hungry but nauseous but i dont feel like eating anyway which wtf #but also urgh energy required to go obtain food #mind you i have bread at the foot of my bed atm-like its not filling like a good lunch would be #but it is here #i also made chicken&rice like now 5 days ago #i nibbled a bit of that yesterday but now its been out the fridge for a full day #i cant smell so i dont trust it so i can toss that out i GUESS #maybe not the rice tho...but thats dry af anyway...idk maybe i'll fry at least that #so i also feel shit about food waste #i should make a pizza later on #generally a food that sits well w/ me no matter what AND it just has a lot of foods around