#bc i didnt get any hw done i just had a work shift made food then socialized bc no energy for hw

[startledbirb]

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#so today is mixed bag #bc i didnt get any hw done i just had a work shift made food then socialized bc no energy for hw #and my mom expects me to stay overnight tomorrow and then stay all day sunday bc my grandmother is visiting #and b4 i said that i couldnt get picked up until later bc of work she had said only part of sunday tho evn then she just expected me to stay #overnight tomorrow night evn tho i dont live that far away and tbh i dont want to be sleeping in that house #but do i get asked if that or the staying over all day is okay with me? #fuckin no bc she has no fuckin sense of boundaries and just expects ppl to think that it's acceptable and im rlly fuckin fed up w/it #on the bright side i wore eyemakeup that made me look sort of like a nature being sort of like an eldritch horror towards the end bc of dark #bits tho towards the end it could also look like someone in a postapocalyptic wasteland which tbh is a mood rn #im still fuckin pissed that im not only going to be misgendered and deadnamed the entire time im at that house but i am just expected to go #along with the decisions made with no say on my part being considered #oh u have midterms? so what ur brother has them too and family time is more important #oh ur tired? we're all tired you should be pushing yourself past ur limits we do that for other ppl y cant u do that for us we're family we #should matter more than anyone or anything else and if u dont want that then there's something wrong w/u not us pushing u well past ur #limits and acting like whatevr u say doesnt matter unless it offends us in someway lmao #i hate it so fuckin much #and also that i still care what they think of me #oh and also i have to fuckin worry abt somehow having none of the four of them realize that i got top surg after i shower lmao #and that they assume i want the same things they want #and that they dont give me a fuckin choice when ive been an adult paying my own living expenses for close to 3yrs now #tho ive been an adult longer and ive been more responsible than them evn longer than that #also im so fuckin sick of the power dynamic and how also dont have a fuckin car or a license bc i cant fuckin afford it so they control when #i leave that way and also through social pressure and yelling and comparing me to my dad if i try to leave early or say no #i rlly fuckin hate it #i also hate that i have no free time but i need the money and the structure of work and classes or i cant pay rent and i have too much time #so i have too many options and the paint drying feeling happens