#bc ppl not liking me for any reason makes me sooooooooo fucking scared So fucking scared its not even funny 😝

[bl00dw1tch]

the way i have absolutely no business being the way i am

#horse.txt #vent // #sort of. too high to be sad abt it im in anthropology mode and listening to music that makes me feel sexy so its fine yk #anyway i typed a whole bunch of other tags talking abt how and why i feel this way by going through a few of the events i can remember #from my childhood that Might explain why im so emotionally guarded and struggle to open up anymore. #bc i Wanted to say they all felt dumb and juvenile esp since ive actually like #made peace with most of the ppl who were involved with them #but the Anthropology mode was just tearing it all down as i typed it bc that Is just a ridiculous way to look at it no matter how you cut it #doesn't matter that nobody involved really Meant to deal that kind of harm and i dont need to hate or blame anyone in order to acknowledge #that it still just Happened. like thats a Memory already babe no do overs. #which is kind of just accidental therapy so sick. love that fir me genuinely! #but also yes theres the bitch part of me that still wants to discredit it bc acknowledging that it happened =/= Fixing My Issues #so im still at square one technically. ive just been pacing in circles on it for a while ig #EVEN WORSE that the Scale of my issues is so incredibly mundane compared to so many of the people i seem to meet. #sitting in bed crying abt not having friends for a few days in elementary school when other ppl have jojos bizarre adventure levels of Lore #i know im not technically invalid for feeling the way i do or anything but god. if it doesn't feel fucking Embarrassing to open up about😭 #its impossible NOT to feel stupid and sensitive for having these first world ass problems. And letting them hold me back #bc ppl not liking me for any reason makes me sooooooooo fucking scared So fucking scared its not even funny 😝 #at least. ppl in my Circles. im pretty ok about being assertive with randos #still some work to be done on it but its better than whatevers going on with my personal relationships rn #sincerely to my mutuals and loved ones who see this i swear to GOD i love you so so so fucking much and im so. im trying to figure out this #the stuff thats got me so distant and bad at keeping in touch. its a whole slew of feelings about how i see Myself--not yall #i double pinky promise cross my heart im extremely serious #thank you for being patient with me you mean more to me than im capable of putting into words right now #alright theres a shot of tears in the hollow of my collar bone time to wrap up this post #daily reminder that i love body hair. there's some honesty. #😎😎😎💪💪💪 #the Quaritch under the cut is just to make me feel better bc i love him and i think hes so pretty. hes like a security blanket

[hobimo]

sorry if i keep sending you asks i think it would feel a lil weird to dm bc my accounts on sns tend to be kind of throwaway accounts bc i don't know how to build an online presence prob freaks ppl out lol but yeah exactly you can tell that a lot of new jikookers experienced fan fiction for the first time with jikook so they just be reading and writing whatever. no critical thinking just big cocks and alpha knots is what it takes. the thing is that imo years ago you used to like a pairing and then get inspired by them to make up stories/characters, whereas i feel that now jikookers first and foremost see jm and jk's relationship and personalities in That specific way and it translates to fics as well. they keep saying it's just fiction but i don't buy it lmao i think it's the opposite so yeah it kinda fucks the whole thing up yk. OH btw i know that author!!! i have one of their naruto fics saved in my bookmarks so i'm def familiar w them, i'll check it out! ty <3

(i'll censor the names just in case) yeah they're rly good! hmm rk1ve1nk did an interesting spin on omegaverse in Forest,F1re. very animalistic even though the characters were made in a lab, super unique fic. Mo0nJar by them too is pretty cool. changing genres completely, user cartograph1c writes these weird lil fics, def recommended!!

HEELLLLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO i swear i get so excited when i see you in my inbox hello hello hello

yessssss surveycorpsjean has been Around writing bangers. i am just discovering bakudeku the last few months tho so im extra insane about them 👍also recommend watching trigun for normal reasons (please. please please please please we need more people with trigun brainrot. if u like the hanged man archetype and characters doomed by the narratve and tragic siblings you will Love trigun.)

thank you very much for the fic recs!!!!!!! i have heard of the first author but cant think of the fic ive read so i will check it out. im such a fucking sucker for super animalistic a/b/o..... that furry shit is so good

i have so many thoughts about the way people talk and think about jimin these days but im so scared putting them on public posts will get me doxxed or some shit. people are very attached to the idea that jimin acts openly queer which is really like. well. yeah. i definitely think people reallyyyy need to remember it doesnt matter how much you believe someone famous is queer theyre just presenting in a way that makes them happy and you really do NOT need to decide whether that's queer or not lmao in fact i think it says way more about someone when they decide he's queer because he doesnt act like a "typical man". like yeah in his performances obviously he explores gender some times but like sometimes songwriters are also exploring themes and thoughts that are purely creative. sometimes its not about them (and sometimes it is!) but. yeah. you can PERCEIVE him as queer if it makes you happy but you gotta remember thats not fact thats just what YOU think. yknow. and i also think this translates kinda into the fic people consume and create.

like here's the thing. people dont need to ACT a certain way to be considered men like thats ridiculous if youre a man youre a man regardless of how you act or what u say or what bits you have. same for any gender. which is why i generally think critiquing the cringey wattpad fics is a slippery slope. however, do i also think a lot of them have a very distinct cishet girl fantasy..... yes. but its embarrassing to write Y/N fic. so theyve gotta vent their desires somehow which is like fine i dont give a shit what people write. (as much as it bothers me how uncritically people read it and get it popular) but sometimes in a/b/o especially....... its VERY clear when your biases come out. which is why its sooooooooo obvious when someone who has never met real life queer people writes it. for example grouping "women and omegas" like they fill the same role despite being different subgenders when u could specify like. omegas and female betas. if u wanted. implying that women are still women even if theyre alpha but omegas are not men anymore. you get me? the fact that u decided to include male/female gender essentialism in the fic genre specifically around Not doing that is so unbelievably on the nose. and yet i see it everywhere. (i also think this is a symptom of people never having read other fandoms tho. they dont even know about gock [girl cock]).

also fics where the major antagonists are a group of girls that harrass jimin r super mean bc god we cant have a MAN do that or he's a predator. you get me? and the alpha jk who is quiet and broody and doesnt even HAVE to fight bc he's soooooooo strong the other alphas are just scared of his vibes. like you know the type of fic im describing. in general whenever the major antagonist of the fic is a bunch of women who also want to fuck jk (which like. if we're supposed to believe jk is soooo hot... like. they should?) and the author calls them a "gaggle" of women and emphasises how they "giggle" and their high pitched unpleasant voices..... brother we have some serious internalised misogyny to unpack with that one.

sorry this is such a massive rant I HAVE A LOT OF THOUGHTS. IVE READ SO MUCH BAD FIC IVE NOTICED SO MUCH

#sorry. about this #once again these are all my shitty little opnions...... #im a professional hater what can i say. sorry