#be part of doing that for 43 other people. i feeel so lucky and warm

[pepprs]

not to keep liveblogging the retreat but it’s over now (it has been for most of the day). i cried so much today and it was amazing. im so sad and so happy and so relieved and so tired and so proud

#purrs #retreat tag #i was rly anxious facilitating today and overwhelmed bc we had to pack (i didn’t help at all and felt terrible) and i didn’t finish writing #notes to ppl and i had to facilitate and i was nervous abt the emotions. and then we got there and i said the final words and started crying #and this time EVERYONE was looking at me. but it wasn’t sad tears it was like…. wow. look at this. we made this together. we went through so #much this week and also for three years and we did it and it all mattered so much and we’re here together. and i felt all my past and future #selves and pods and cohorts in that moment and all the ones i didn’t get to see too. and it was so… wow. and then i was bawling when we were #hugging goodbye and someone in my pod hugged me for like a solid 2 minutes it felt like and we were just rocking each other and crying 🥹🥹🥹🥹 #it doesn’t even feel real but also it was SO real. i can’t believe it’s over. not to keep talking a but crying but i cried for like an hour #when i got picked up and we went back to the hotel omg.. like this was MONTHS of intensive prep and planning plus 2 years of the heaviest LY #lifts to put on diminished versions of this magical thing and we got to do it this time and everything that led up to that mattered and the #ripples will roll out forever. im a little scared bc part of me feels distant from it bc i know so much now and have a lot of experience w i #it but like.. this program changed my whole life. introduced me to so many of the people i love. exploded my world into light. and i got to #be part of doing that for 43 other people. i feeel so lucky and warm #i feel cringy for talking abt it on here liek it’s disingenuous / just for performance but i rly mean that its just thisis my public diary 🥴 #like omg. 5 years ago. and 3 years ago. and last semester. and now it’s over???? but also it’s just beginning. wild #naur also im a staff coach now and it was kinda sad the distance i felt. like they were scared of me / felt like i was untouchable a little #bit but it’s like… im only a couple years older than you. someone in my pod was a year older than me! so that was sad. but it was good